I'm really sorry to hear that it went crappy.. I have just gotten used to the fact that guys loose more so when the BM is a psycho biotch. The nuttier the better I guess is how the courts look at it. I think it's crazy the children need both parents to work together so that the children don't suffer but apparently the courts don't think that way.. Again I am really sorry I have been through the same thing.

I don't have to worry about this issue, but I have done a lot of reading about it. Your BF is right...he does not have to exercise his visitation, and he was right on insisting he pick SD up from daycare.

What I have learned in reading about this stuff is that the family court system is designed to keep feeding the cash cow. They left everything pretty much open so that you can spend more money going back to court to settle the issues that should have been settled in the first place. The more animosity and conflict they can create between the parents means more money for the lawyers and mediators and the GAL. And in the majority of cases, it is the father who pays the financial price in this mess. Just like yours did.

sometimes i find it therapuetic to write in my personal blog, or to keep a journal. It makes things a little easier to deal with if you put them on paper or somewhere you can read them. "This too shall pass". I know it doesn't seem like it now, but believe me, it WILL get better. HUGS to you

this all went down this way, it brings up alot of memories, that I wish to forget, but alas......it is still part of our lives to this day, unfortunatly , we cannot erase this past life our DH's have had....but we can try to control our future w/ them / and move forward in a positive way.~ " I started out clean, now, I'm jaded"~ Rob Thomas, Matchbox 20

It is very frustrating when others can not see the turmoil that we are going through because of the BM &/or skids. You are right, this is not normal behaviour the way they act & why can we not be protected in the court system?

I was talking to hubby's spec. receptionist yesterday. They provided letters to court on what he is capable of doing/not doing because of his disability because of CS. She was asking how things are going with the ex. She indicated that her best friend has been living a life like we have for 13 yrs now...said that her friend has been ready to throw in the towel on the marriage several times because of the BS from the BM. She indicated that the BM must still have strong feelings for the hubby to act the way she does, because why would she not go on with her life and find happiness. I know hubby's ex still has feelings for him, she has told him so in the past even though she is in a relationship (for several yrs).

I keep looking ahead and praying the next 5+ yrs will fly by and we will not have to deal with her anymore.....seems like a long, long time though. We have considered moving far away as well, but I have kids that are established here and due to the past they have had to move a lot. I can't do it to them again until they are done high school, then the possibilities are there....but the youngest SS will be 17 by then. It's so very frustrating and painful to live like this. Just remember, there is Karma....it just hasn't reached us yet...but it will come.

Corie

Before we had custody BM had it in her brain that DH was to pay for daycare in the summer (BM paid for after care during the school year out of CS and DH was to pay for "camps and overnight trips that both parties agree to ahead of time." I wondered why BM didn't get something in writing about summer day care. Well...because she picked daycares that had the name "camp" in them. Like CYC Fun and Swim Camp and Bur**** Swim Camp (at a cheap "country club" in town.) These were child care facilities for older kids, so they used the name "camp" to make it seem older for their ego (once again pandering to children's "self esteem"). SO according to BM DH needed to pay for those. ALL the child care for the whole summer. DH paid for a few weeks of summer camps (real ones) and then the first summer while I was still working he ended up paying for summer child care b/c he had signed her up and BM refused to pay (and DH was using it too.) So the next summer I was home, pregnant with Anna. BM refused to bring SD here (unless SD was sick and couldn't go to "CAMP" then BM would gladly drop her off to me rather than stay home with her.)

The total each summer was around 900 bucks, but DH refused to pay for any of it the next two summers because we weren't using it, had offered SD to be here for free, and it was BM's choice to rack up the bill.

So....

All through the custody case BM was narrowly focused on this one thing, having her lawyer send threatening letters etc for "last summer" only (probably because she claimed the other one on her taxes) BUT claiming it was 1800 bucks (which would have been the total for BOTH summers.) No paperwork like a receipt just the demand for this total out of thin air.

So our attorney told DH he was protected thanks to the language his attorney sneaked in "That both parties agree to ahead of time." DH didn't agree. BM signed her up anyway. Too bad for her. Our attorney drafted a response stating as much, PLUS "Since we are focused on figuring out the child's best interest in custody right now, we will not address this issue with the court at this time." Never heard another word about it.

During this time another lawyer friend of mine said, "Peace at the price tag of 1800 would be cheap in this sort of case." I told him, "If only that amount would buy it. It won't. BM will continue to try to find ways to milk money from DH."

In your case....I think the amount you're talking about is "cheap" however to stop these allegations. If she continues to make them she could be sued by you guys for defamation of character. As a matter of fact I would have an attorney draft that letter up for you. Shouldn't cost too much for a letter. If not then draft it yourself. Just plain and simple not too many details. Then send it registered mail and keep the receipt.

This should actually have purchased you peace believe it or not. BM has been told she's lying in court, as well as being controlling with the daycare. That's huge. The GAL sided with you, pay the man in installments if need be.

And hopefully, you can move on. This could be worse Bella. Much worse. You guys really did "win."

“I never gave away anything without wishing I had kept it; nor kept it without wishing I had given it away.” ~Louise Brooks

...not that I've been through it personally, but I had a very good friend commit suicide this past January because the BM of his son did exactly what you guys are going through...BM wouldn't let his GF pick up his son at after-school care even though it made life easier...she would actually come to the after-school care just to make sure that my friend wasn't picking up the little boy. Who the f@uck has time for crap like that? Get a life! BM and her being such a control freak just made it crazy difficult for everyone involved. And now this little boy will grow up without his dad, who he absolutely adored...

Now this BM won't let her son's relatives from his dad's side of the family see him. There was to be a fund set up for this boy's benefit and because she couldn't get any of the $$ for herself (or for her lottery scratch tickets and cigarettes every Friday) she wouldn't give out her sons Social Security number to the bank for the account! How totally selfish is that?

There is something VERY wrong with the court systems. Pay attention to any signs from your BF that this type of situation is making him depressed; the consequences can be devastating as you can see especially when you are dealing with nutjob BM's.

I've never, ever heard that a GAL's evaluation is an expense for the bio parents to pay. In MASS, as far as I know, it's not an expense to worry about. Weird.

I am completely sympathetic and understand your frustrations. Keep your chin up.

MJ24

Im so sorry for you. Im really hoping that court goes good for my DH today. These BM will stop at nothing to be complete bitches and the people that suffer are their kids and everyone around them, why do they feel that they are so great that they get to try and ruin our lives? If it was our DH's pulling this crap they would be in freakin jail!Just keep your head high... she will get whats coming to her. Im still waiting and its been going on 4 years for us.

"Never argue with an idiot; they'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience."