this is so sad what you're going through. and i completely understand. you being disrespected by your SK and are getting NO support from yet again, another spineless guilty dad. here's what i suggest:

take matters into your OWN hands. defend yourself and demand common courtesy and respect from ALL members of YOUR household. this is your house and YOUR life and the next time your SD ignores and such, confront her on it right in front of her dad. say to your SD, "you know, it's respectful to say hello to people when you greet them." and again, if she continues to ignore you, confront her, say "sandra (or whatever Skids name is), why are you ignoring me?" kids are tough and cocky until they are confronted. and if your DH criticzes you after doing this, again, IN FRONT OF HIS DAUGHTER SAY "i am not asking more than common courtesy, manners and respect. i will not tolerate being ignored in my own house. this is not very nice behavior and it hurts my feelings. oh, and yes, did i mention? MY FEELINGS MATTER TOO." then put on your coat and go to a movie and let BD and SD think about their selfish behaviors.

as stepmoms, i am beginning to realize that no one is going to treat you with respect unless you demand it. trust me, i wish the world worked in a way where they just understood that they needed to be polite, but they don't. you are required to say it out loud. "i require respect and courtesy."

after all, you're probably the one doing all the cooking and cleaning and care in the household. if you don't get some of the smallest forms of common courtesy what have you been reduced to? a maid? yes.

Just trying to be a Stepmom without getting Stepped On.

In my state a reciept exchanged for CS even with all the proper notation is a gift not CS so check into that before you have to pay twice like we had to. Everything else is true kids must respect us not just b/c were stepparents but adults IMPORTANT adults in their lives. good luck with the talk i'll be praying.

I like what you had to say to him. Further.. I would let the SD know that if she cant be civil to you all the time, then dont bother when she wants something, as you are on to her and dont REALLY have to comply w/what she wants.

I seem to be a bit immature.. as when at the game after dad got a hug, it would have gone something like this:

Me: Hi SD
SD: **Silence**
Me: Hmmm??? OH.. I missed you too!!
SD: ** am guessing Eye Rolls by now**
Me: DH.. Isnt SD the most polite child going?? (dripping w/sarcasm)

I think it is a good letter, but instead of making it just her and you I would call the whole family together and make it a group chat.
maybe that will take pressure off of SD (being stubborn and not listen) and there is not he said she said problems.
just a thought

“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”

Actually.. calling her out in front of everyone and not just the parents might backfire.. she might feel ganged up on..

I think of it like.. if she was an employee.. would you have this convo in front of her peers? or w/an HR representative (in this case.. that would be DH)

make it a rule for everyone that rudeness will not be tolerated by anyone-
and the consequences are blah blah...

“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”

let them all be immature and obnoxious on their own time (BM, SD, and aunt)...

I agree making it be between the two of you. Wait until she "wants" something again and then confront her at that point. Tell her she can either not talk to you whatsoever or you can have a cordial relationship where there is mutual repsect. This includes normal conversations and no dismissive behavior. You don't have to like each other but you do have to coexist.

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."

No more emails.

When the time is right real soon. You have to sit with DH preferably in a neutral area where there can't be a scene like a restuarant or park and tell him "this is a family" the not acknowledging you, or not greeting you is unacceptable and won't be tolerated, how would he feel and tell him he has to make a point to beware at these moments and address it. Affirm his role as a husband and father.

Then tell him that you need him to become aware of what's happening when in a group and he needs to say "So and so did you say hello to ..." If he doesn't, point it out to him in front of her. So and so, you see she didn't say hello, we're a family."

My SS does that all the time to my BS15, he refuses to say hello, etc. etc. until he needs something. I got real tired of it. sooo...Just last weekend SS12 needed me to help him with the computer, I couldn't do it, my son did it and he didn't even say thank you. I was fuming. First I asked my son, did he say thank you, son said no. I went straight to DH and told him, "I need you to speak to SS and tell him that's not acceptable. I don't know what he has against my son...but here we operate as a family and that was wrong." After dinner I asked DH if he had spoken to DH and he said he made SS say thank you.

Parenting is a lot of work and we have to be proactive. I got up DH off his butt and told him to his job -- start parenting. BAAAAAAAMMM!!! Through the ball back in his court. Stand firm. Demand respect but put the ball back in DH court.

For two months I told DH we needed a family meeting. Fe said ok, but it never happened. One sunday I took the initiative and told DH after lunch we going to sit and down and have the family needed. I'm going to talk about this and this and this and I need you to say to add your thoughts. We're a team and we are a family. If you don't want this to end in divorce, you'll do this and you're like it."

I pressed it until it happened. I shared my observations and expections. DH did as well and then I gave my son and SS the opportunity to speak. In the end children, love to play their parents against each other and behind the scenes of step parent's backs you don't know what they're saying - so - it's better to put it all in the open and act as a team.

I remember cruella saying "no more tiptoeing". That is right. I told my husband before we got engaged, after we got married and still have to remind him. I don't want to be in a relationship of disrespect. I had to step it up a notch like Emeril and say "Don't forget as SS father it's your responsibility to parent him and you can't leave it all to me. When you're in the room watching football or whatever make it point to check on him once in a while." BAAAAAMMMM!!! He didn't like it but tough. Like some DHs they think that as stepmoms we're supposed to jump to their parenting rescue to do what they don't like to do or don't want to do. Too d@mn bad. BAAAAAMMM!!!

As far as child support payments, he can have it taken out of his paycheck automatically like my DH and CS sends it to her or you can set up automatic bill payment with the bank where they create and mail a paper check monthly. You give them the amount and the address. If worse come to worse. Open up a netspend account online (9.95) and give it to BM. You can add funds to it and create your own pin. you keep all the info.

Hang in there.