I was just wondering

How do all of you feel about DH/BF/FH going over to BMs house alone to see the kids?

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In the beginning my DH would

In the beginning my DH would go in and visit short periods with the ex when picking up the children b/c the were never ready, i complained but he couldn't hear me. Then she came on to him in front of the kids so he put the brakes on completely. Fast forward to the future and now he just stands at the door of her home for drop off and pick ups but i still get nervous, angry, and crazy sometimes if it takes a moment longer then what i except so i been working on my attitude for the sake of the family b/c i trust him completely just not her.

A bit uncomfortable

I do feel a bit uncomfortable about him going over, but now BM has another child and I think her 'newish bloke is there more so it's not quite as hard.My BF will go into her house sometimes and has spent over half an hour more there before which is hard for me as he has not always compared me favourably to his ex.He generally (so he says) is doing stuff like assembling a new bed for his son over there.He does phone me soon after.I try to keep a lid on my feelings.Anway my bloke will always do what he wants in realtion to his son and BM's side of the family.

He doesn't go in.

Before we got married, he would go in briefly to help the kids get ready to go with him and fix whatever of theirs was broken, but when he married me, he voluntarily stopped this without me having to say a word. One of his kids even asked him why he doesn't go in anymore and he told her, "Well, honey, it just wouldn't be appropriate." I have to say, he's always had a pretty good compass when it comes to dealing with his ex and her husband. We've had plenty of battles WITH her, but never any OVER her. He waits for the kids in her driveway.

he would stay over

before FH met me he would stay over on BM couch (they lived about 3 hrs away) then BM began to think that they were going to get back together so he stopped staying over night, then he would just spend the day at her place - once we met he would just go up to the door and wait for his kids.
I think it would bother me if he went in cuz it suggests an intimancy that should not be there.
does that make sense?

“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”

I don't like it- but mine

I don't like it- but mine does
he goes over there alone to fix her computer, lamps, does other things for her. and the kids live with us.
when she was in the mental hospital, he would go to bring her things and visit her
he even offered to go out to dinner with her once in awhile so she could have someone to talk to
and he invites her to holiday dinners at our house.
he thinks this is the right thing to do because she's mentally ill and alone, and i bet he thinks it makes him look good to the kids.

that has to be hard

especially since she is"ill"
you are a good person!!!

“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”

I think men think

I think men think differently then us b/c earlier I posted about my HD visiting his ex. Yet I have an ex too and he invites him in and they set and visit while the kids get ready or just wait on the guys to finish talking. they even worked for a few months togther recently and became decent friends it was weird and still is, but the kids don't seem to mind the new friendship, plus it makes parenting sligthly easier with my ex b/c we see a little in to each others lives. Plus i don't think i'm one of those bm who treats my ex like a bad guy.

..

This is the situation here: You see I don't really have a problem with it, it's just that it makes me really uncomfortable due to the fact that I know exactly how BM feels about FH. Sometime at the end of last year she's literally confessed her undying love to FH right infront of me. I mean she was talking to me right in front of him but ment every word to go towards him. FH didn't say anything he just had his head back against the seat. So anyway, this is one of the things that she said, "If things didn't work out between the two of you, I would be there to pick up the pieces and take him back in the heartbeat." It was awkward. Oh by the way, she's already engaged and she says that her fiancee knows how she feels about FH. I mean come on, if he knew how she felt about my FH, I don't think he would still be engaged to her. But then again, they are both weird. So yesterday, FH says that he is gonna go there on Monday to watch the kids. That was it. He didn't say anything else. This will be his second time doing that. First time he went, she left somewhere or something. I wouldn't have a problem with it if she hated his guts and didn't still love him. You get my drift?

"Look at how far you've come and stop concentrating on how much further there is to go."

i would have issues with that

I wish I knew what to say, I am stunned that your FH is still going over there, it is direspectful to you and it gives the ex AMMO!!

maybe it is time to lay down the law!!

I know Cruella rents out her thong for good causes!!! I heard there is a long waiting list so hurry up!!!

“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”

If the marriage

is over, it is OVER. If your husband yearns for his X, he needs to be let go. If he goes over there to rescue her, this is a problem. If he goes there for the kids-----better at her house than mine.

Get this

I know how u feel ! DH ex-wife does the same thing . She will text him and ask him to meet with her to F#%k . DH will show me text asap or call me to tell me what she is doing . So DH tells her she can go F#%k herself . Once DH asked her to keep SS cause he was sick and we both had to work . Which we hardly ever because of her lack of intrest in the son . Anyway she kept him that night and the next morning called DH as we were entering a meeting and begins to tell him how sorry she was for leaving him and the baby and she wanted to work it out . My DH stood there listning to her whine and grovel begging him to come back to her . When DH told her that that would never be possible and that he was very happily married ,she began to cuss and scream asking him why did he ask her to watch their son if he didnt want her back . He said because the son was sick and she is his mother and needed to help take care of him . Her reply was "if that is the only reason you asked me to take care of him and you dont want me back then get your F@#king wife to take care of him from now on dont call me to do it . She is a nurse , can u imagine the care she provides to patients . So I told her the next time she text or calls I would forward all the text to her husband , and see if he thinks this is okay for her to do these things .

Wow, that's just wrong. Some

Wow, that's just wrong. Some of them sure have twisted minds, I swear.

"Look at how far you've come and stop concentrating on how much further there is to go."

.

We get the kids sometimes every week for like few days sometimes we have them longer. We just had them, for almost a week and they left today. We only live like one hour from the BMs house, and he never minds to take a drive to see his kids. But Monday is his only day off next week so he wants to go there and see the kids. He doesn't want to bring them to our house for them to only stay here for like 2 hours and then drive them back and all that stuff, especially since he has to wake up at 6 a.m. the next day. I guess that's the main reason why. But it still makes me uncomfortable because I know that she wants him back...even though she's enageged like I mentioned before.

"Look at how far you've come and stop concentrating on how much further there is to go."

Also to add, now that the

Also to add, now that the fSK left our house today after a long week with us, FH and I both had to work night shifts tonight so we won't see each other til the morning. And then we do the same thing tomorrow, and then Saturday & Sunday our schedules are completely opposite, so we won't spend time with each other at all. So I thought maybe we could do something on Monday together since we couldn't do anything today, but that won't be happening because he already said he was going to BMs house to see the kids.

"Look at how far you've come and stop concentrating on how much further there is to go."

this was an issue a year or so ago

FH had been going over to celebrate holidays at BM's until father's day last year.
I finally said, hey, if you're going over there, then I should be welcome too because I am part of your life.

Anyway, I have yet to set foot in BM's door but it might be a blessing.

She pretty much hides inside whenever FSS is picked up or dropped off.

On the other hand I do music with my ex and my FH has no problem with this, but he is more than welcome at my ex's house. FSS has met my ex and really likes him.

Funny story about holidays.

Funny story about holidays. You see FH didn't even say anything about me going to BMs house on Christmas day to watch the SKs open presents. So on Christmas morning, I stayed home by myself til he came back few hours later. Which was fine, it is important for him to be there because he is there dad and kids should open their presents infront of their mommy and daddy til a certain age. But this Christmas it was BM, my FH and BMs fiancee. Then few days later it was our turn to have the kids and we bought them all the presents together, so the night before gift opening, FH tells me that BM was gonna come over to see the kids open the presents, I MEAN COME ON, it wasn't even Christmas, was it really necessary for her to come over to our house on a normal day. It was awkward. My Christmas was ruined, because I couldn't really be myself around her.

"Look at how far you've come and stop concentrating on how much further there is to go."

How I feel...

I just don't care anymore. 90% of the time DH drops the girls off and watches them walk in and then he drives away. The other times he goes in because of some subject they need to discuss.

I, however, used to care. Whether it was my power struggle with her, my own insecurity or my fear of what she MIGHT say or do, it just didn't set right with me. I've been married a while now, and I could just care less anymore. Power struggle over and she wins. My skids BM resides in a fantasy world where she reigns queen and I just lost interest in trying to convince her otherwise.

BUT, I think a current wife has the right to set boundaries to make her more comfortable as well. If a BM absolutely HATES the sight of the current wife's face and can be sent into a rage over it - why bother going with for drop offs/pick ups? But that current wife has every right to say hey, I won't go over there anymore but DH is NOT to be her handyman or plumber or mover or whatever the hell she's requesting DH to be....or even like Georgia stated, DH not going inside the house to pick them up.

Life is all about compromise and boundaries and we all have the right to feel comfortable.

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."

Need more information here

What kind of visitation do you have? Can he only see the kids if he goes over there?

It's 50/50. The only problem

It's 50/50. The only problem is, his job sometimes requires him to put in a lot of hours, so he has to give her his whole schedule for that week so that way they can work out on which days he can have the kids and so on. It's weird. BM has a lot of time on her hands because she doesn't work much, and only works from home. So her schedule is flexible.

"Look at how far you've come and stop concentrating on how much further there is to go."

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