They finally had a memorial service for my friend who took his life two weeks ago tomorrow.

I was dreading it because I just don't do very well at those things. I'm not the hysterical, throw myself on the casket type, but I just seem to come unglued and droop and I can't keep the tears in my eyes. There wasn't a casket and I didn't see an urn or anything and I wasn't about to ask about it. I was blinded by tears and I just sat quietly as I could. It was heart wrenching.

Anyway, I did see the BM and she was clinging to her little boy. I was at the service before she arrived and she left before I did and I noticed that from the minute she sat down until the minute she left, NOT ONE PERSON said anything to her. They spoke to her son but completely ignored her. I hate to say it, but it gave me such a sense of satisfaction. The service was PACKED and people just kept coming and coming and coming...standing room only. Like a tour bus had crashed the service. Seriously. I would never make a scene but how I wanted to walk up to her and say, "Are you happy now?" I just wanted to bitch slap her. Tell her she's not welcome. Why would she even show up? Everybody knew why this had happened. Her actions caused him to lose himself. How will that little boy ever know what he went through? How will this little boy ever know how much he lived for his son and to be denied any contact? How can anyone explain it to him without wanting to bash his mom?

I met the sister of my friend who died and she is such a kind soul. But I think she had a hard time with her nephew's mom (the BM) being at the service or just having the nuts to show up to begin with. There was an elephant in the room the size of a tall building...and how could there not be? The sister and her husband had a get together later that evening and the BM showed up with the little boy. The sister was so disgusted and she said to me "I do not like that woman". She also said she was going to make for damn sure that she is able to see her nephew on a regular basis but that it's not a package deal...meaning that the BM is NOT welcome in her home ever again or when she spends time with her nephew. That it's her time with him. Again, it gave me a sense of satisfaction and validated my feelings that this BM is not playing with a full deck of cards. She's a french fry short of a Happy Meal. She's just not all there. These are such negative thoughts and this woman doesn't know me from a hole in the wall, but it just makes me sick how this whole tragedy could have been prevented if she hadn't kept her son from his father. He was clinically depressed and it was because he couldn't see his son. The BM knew he was having a very hard time with it, but she managed to twist it around to make it look like she was right all along and that she wouldn't let him see their son because he was clinically depressed and that it would "upset him". Well, duh! The little boy adored his father and wanted to see his dad but she always lied to him and told him these horrific stories about how his father wasn't responsible enough. (I about fell off my chair when I heard that one). She had no problem with bashing his father. Does that make sense? She always did that: twisted things around to her benefit. She wouldn't even let him talk to their son on the phone! She wouldn't let their son return his father's phone calls. Nothing. It haunts me.

Okay, I do feel a little better. So please all of you SM's out there, please keep an eye on your DH's and BF's. Things like this should never happen, ever.

MamaJenn24