Why do I stick around for this?? (vent)
Sorry for the vent...I'm just sick of being #2 in this relationship..Sometimes I wonder why I stick around for the love part of this whole situation..."golden child" is coming to visit this weekend and of course everyone has to make it a big huge situation...I've never asked for a pat on the back or credit for the crap I have done and gone through for my fiancee...This is the way it's going to be every other weekend...he's going to get to do whatever he wants here and go places whether he behaves or not....I can see it now...and of course my daughter will be shit on all weekend...I don't know how to change this blame game bullcrap...my daughter is getting blamed for his little "spoiled brat" actions he pulls...his family is telling HIM it's my daughter who is teaching him this crap...AHEM...my daughter isn't spoiled! My daughter has disorders that cause her to be hyper and argumentative but NOT spoiled and manipulative!!! It just really angers me...and I feel offended and insulted and I'm to the point where I can't keep my mouth shut anymore to these people...I'm ready to go off at them...I feel like I have to defend my daughter everyday from these people...I don't even want them to be my inlaws...I thought my family was wierd...good god...it scares me to the point where I actually am scared to marry this guy sometimes...than I'd be trapped with him...what a nightmare
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wow...
hun if you are reconsidering your love and your want to be married to your man, then there is something very very wrong. I don't know your situation or your kids or anything, but I think I would try to take some deep breathes and figure out if some of my disdain for Precious SS is because of your doubt about the whole thing.
If the skid is the only reason why you are doubting (and the inlaws) then it probably just isnt the right relationship for you in the first place and there is someone else out there better for you.
When you get into a blended family it takes a huge amount of patience, work, responsibility and self sacrifice, by ALL of you, not just the new wife/SM.
If I've read you wrong, I mean you no offense, just sense alot of hostility rather than need for sympathetic advise in this post. (which we ALL do around here lol bust mostly towards the ex *wink*)
Wishing you the best.
I'm not offended at all
I'm only hostile because I feel like I have to defend my daughter and myself all the time...they attack the way I parent, they favor SS over my kid and make so secrets about it, if he does something wrong it's because "my daughter taught him that" I was just really angry last night...And I need to make things clear with fiancee that if he's not going to back me like I back him than the wedding is off until things can change
your daughter
I know that this is really hard, but do you remember the first time that she smiled at you, or the first time she said ma ma. You have to remember that what they are saying to you they are probably saying to her. How is this going to change her life? for the better or the worse?
much luck
Stronggirl
Run! Run! Run! Red Flag! Red Flag!
The second you start to second guess your feelings is the second that you need to back away and figure out if this is really what you want to deal with for the next umpteen years. You need to figure out if all of the problems you are going to face going forward are worth it by marrying into this situation or moving forward with your daughter, just the two of you and finding someone who is going to watch your back and love BOTH of you warts and all. Something to think about because it's easier to end a relationship than it is to end a marriage just as vickimac said above...wise woman she is...
MamaJenn24
the ultimatum
I wrote him and explained my feelings and said if he can't back me AND my daughter and we can't be treated like equals than it's a nogo...there's alot more to this situation...but it's offtopic on this site...I only gripe and ask for advice on blended family issues...does anyone else have nightmare inlaws who favor and blame?
my future inlaws outright
my future inlaws outright blame me for every change that has happened as a result of my fiance's divorce.
they have said it to my face. I have no doubt that if he and I have any kids together they will treat that child/children differently.
They have an unexplained hatred toward me that they either cannot or will not even try to articulate. I don't know what to do, but I can sympathize
DH's parents are champion Blame Game players.
Actually, in my world, they don't exist because they have been so downright rude to me, my DH, and DD. My poor DH has been put through hell because of his parents and their wacked out demands and assumptions. They've tried to take us/him to court on malicious FALSE accusations that he was interfering with their relationship with Precious. Precious feeds them lies about my DH and what goes on in our house. They're pathetic, lonely, bullying people who have nothing else in their lives so they have to live their lives through their other children's lives and Precious's life.
They never were fair to my daughter and my daughter took it graciously in their presence. She never received the same amount of Christmas gifts or birthday presents. At Easter, her basket was smaller. Not only that, I could sense that they never really cared for her and my daughter later told me that she felt they didn't like her either. Luckily, we don't have to see them or talk to them anymore so it doesn't matter to her and me.
My parents and family tried to be fair at first but once they realized what was going on, it affected the amount of gifts they gave Precious. Now, there is no exchange of gifts on holidays and birthdays from my parents and DH's wacko parents for either of the kids. Each set of grandparents only gives to their respective grandchild. This doesn't bother me or my daughter, but I know it bothers my DH. But since he thinks Precious sits on the same plateau as Jesus or GWB, he can't fathom why my parents shouldn't bombard Precious with presents. Yet his parents had no qualms whatsoever to treat my daughter unfairly and I often need to remind him of this. They're the ones who caused all of this.
DH had a stepkid from his first marriage that I refused to babysit during the summer and school breaks. His parents were furious that I took such a stand and that he backed me up on it. I'm not the child's mother. I never was treated respectfully by the child. DH's mother had the audacity to tell my DH that I needed to do it to give the first wife "a break" from her own children. Yep, that pretty much was the final straw for me AFTER she tried to single handedly ruin our wedding.
By this point, I think you can tell that I've had my share of awful outlaws! They will blame everything they can on you and your daughter. It won't get better unless your fiancee puts a stop to it. They probably enjoy seeing you mad and they probably get off on knowing they're causing problems between you and your fiancee, just as my outlaws have. Put as much distance between you and them as you can. Good luck!
heart vs. head
head says - stay the hell away!!! get away now!!! you don't deserve this ...
heart says - i love him and i'll do anything to be with him....etc.
lol, i've been dealing with this for a looooooong time; but you have to make a decision. i married him - it's a struggle everyday, i pray it gets better (or until sd turns 18--i hope).
but my situation is a bit different...i was already seven years invested in a relationship with him before dealing with this blended family stuff. we're three years new into it - if you don't have that much time invested into it......RUN RUN.......RUN FAR FAR AWAY.
Yes, good luck having to deal with it ONLY EVERY OTHER WEEKEND. The end of the weekends before visitation....the preceeding week before visitation - you know what you don't have look forward to. I just posted something like this (feeling sick before visitation) a few days ago; apparently, I'm not the only one that feels this way. I'm sure there are a bunch of SM's that DON'T feel this way -- but I'm sure they've come a long way to reach that point (years).
My sentiments exactly
"The end of the weekends before visitation....the preceeding week before visitation - you know what you don't have look forward to. I just posted something like this (feeling sick before visitation) a few days ago; apparently, I'm not the only one that feels this way."
BOY, YOU SAID IT.
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