It never ends huh?
So hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas! Mine was ok...
So I'm going crazy! This was our year to have SD for Christmas but because we are nice people and BM made SD think DH promised to never take her on Christmas- we gave up our visit. We were supposed to get SD 3:00pm on 12/24 then have her back 3:00pm on 12/25. Instead we had her Sunday night until 4pm Monday. Then we were supposed to pick her up at 9am after she did Santa with BM. But no we got her at 11am because BM's family feels no one else matters but them. then we had to have her back by 5pm. Also there was 4 hours of driving time to get her! So it was ridiculous! Why do we always have to cater to BM?
So we got SD a ton of stuff for Christmas. More than I have ever had! A pool table, karaoke machine, tons of clothes, cds, movies, etc etc. She didnt care about any of it. Actually was surprised that was all we got her. Then said how her pool table at her mom's was better. I mean really we spent a lot of money on her just to keep up the pace with everyone else because she thinks we're rich and should do it. WEll that just ended right there. I will not spoil an ungrateful child. BM got her 20 presents not including "santa" presents! But yet SD tells us that her mom is poor and can't afford things and we should help her more. ($300/month support plus we pay for half of EVERYTHING)
I can't win anything with these ppl! We're supposed to have SD this weekend until monday at 6pm and now BM is telling us that SD doesn't want to come and she's not gonna make her. SD has a wonderful time with us but when she's with BM she acts like she hates us! So BM takes up for SD but SD is totally playing her. I don't know what to do anymore. BM is the most irrational person and wont listen when DH tries not to fight. She takes every comment as an attack to herself when it has nothing to do with her! What do I do? Do we go against them and make her come or let them get away with everything? All I want is for SD to be happy and secure!
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Take back the gifts
and end the nonsense. IMHO, you went well overboard on keeping up with the rest of her family and there's no sense in doing it anymore since SD isn't appreciative. Not only that, why buy her gifts that she already has? Keep the clothing, return the rest and put the money towards something you and your DH will enjoy and appreciate.
SD will continue to play both sets of parents until someone puts a stop to it. Your DH will have to be the one to do it. Does he see and understand that it is happening?
If you force SD to come for visitation, will she make your lives miserable during that time? If so, then let it go. What does your DH want to do? He's the one who needs to make a decision on how to move forward. If Dh wants his child to visit, then he needs to take it up with BM and SD. If there is a court order, he needs to refer to it since the BM is so irrational.
He wants her to come!
Well the only reason we bought the pool table is because we just bought a new house with a huge gameroom and wanted one anyway. When SD asked for it we thought it would be a good gift for everyone. But we've had it for a month and kept it hidden as to not make BM mad that we got her one first. It's really hard to hide a pool table too!!
If we force SD to come, BM will make us miserable by showing her emotions to SD who in turn will be mad. But if we keep letting things go I'm afraid it will never stop. DH just wants to keep giving in but gets mad over it. So I reap the benefits of that. BM makes our lives miserable now matter how much she thinks she is "helping" us with SD. She doesn't realize how SD is playing her.
Either way we're miserable so why not huh?
All you can do is play by the rules.
And if the rules (custody/visitation order) say she's supposed to be with DH, then she's supposed to be with DH. It's not YOU or DH forcing her to come, it's in the order. Put the "blame," so to speak, on the courts. That's what THE JUDGE decided. However BM reacts to that is, well, not your fault or responsibility. If SD gets mad because BM is mad, then you tell her you're sorry she feels that way, but she's a part of your family, too, like or not. As for all the gifts, no way do you have to match what she gets elsewhere. That's ridiculous. Think about what all that CS payment goes for... don't you think that her mother uses that towards Christmas presents, as well as towards her usual expenses? Of course! You can't buy love, so don't even try.
~ Anne ~
"Adjust on the fly, or you're going to cry."
Steve Doocy, The Mr. and Mrs. Happy Handbook
Always wise! Thank you!
Always wise! Thank you!
The first time SS8 read
The first time our eldest read Harry Potter he said the boy Dudley (? the mean chubby boy) was a real snot and he can't believe how some kids are like that and said if he is ever like that then we should send him to a workhouse like in Oliver Twist (he reads a lot and has a wild imagination and is growing a smart mouth). I will remember he said that when it is time for him to get a job ...
Perhaps you should send your SD to a workhouse?
Or at the very minimum have her help with cookies or Christmas dinner when she becomes intolerable. Do you have any traditions she can look forward to at your house?
But I completely agree with Anne 8102. We have a court system for a reason. The one that says you have to pay CS is also the one that says you have her for Christmas.
I here you
We have so much problems with BM,She gets every x-mas eve and we get every x-mas.but this year she has bunched up x-mas va-ca time so we won't have Sd alot of days in a row. like she wanted her back at 8 am on the 26th, way to early for a child to have to return, but we don't get her till 10 am on the 30.