It's not just step families that suck

I know this doesn’t have a lot to do with step parenting, but I’ve got to vent. When I moved off to Houston I got away from the people I grew up around & learned to live according to a higher standard. The only problem I ever had over there was that I could not be an individual & that drove me crazy. So I moved back to my hometown area (& also to be closer to my folks to give them a hand… they’re getting old & my mother is disabled.) When I moved back my mother called a lot of people to tell them I was coming back. Well, there were a lot of replies, most of which were rude. There were a couple of people that were glad, but most were just jerks. Whatever. So anyway, I got my stuff moved in & it took a while for me to get settled. Of course no one called, no one offered to help, & those I asked for help were otherwise occupied. I suppose all that work would interrupt their drug taking. Really, that’s so selfish of me to ruin their buzz with my selfish life changing situation, right? (she said sarcastically) So now I am actually settled in. There’s still some work to do but at least it feels more like home now. I had Friday off so I went a few miles out of town to deal with my car… just regular maintenance. I was near some old family friends so I decided to stop by. Now, you have to realize that I was one of the few who went to college, finished college, & lived out of town… in a nice suburb in the big city, no less. I make a lot of money, more than what most of these people make. So I stopped by, because I hadn’t even talked to these people since I moved back & I am not a snob. There was no “Hi! Good to see you! I’m so glad you’re back!” Nope. What did I get? “Sigh. I have no money. I am in poor health & can’t get a job. My trailer (really) is falling apart. I have all these things I need to do so I can take care of my babies & - sigh – I can’t even afford a tank of gas.” I gave her ten bucks & went home.

You know, if I get accused of being a snob, so be it. I’m tired of being walked on & taken advantage of. I'm tired of being the nice guy & always being the one who takes the high road.

This wasn’t the only reason I was in a bad mood all weekend, but it was the first. At least the people at work are really nice & friendly… & on my level. Sheesh.

h7's blog
Log in or register to post comments

Comments

d

Kinda weird

After going to Houston & coming back I guess I've changed a lot. My biggest lesson was about boundaries. And these crazy people I wrote about would drain my entire life if I hadn't established those boundaries. They weren't even happy to see me, y'know, they were happy to see my wallet. I have 3 words for that... GET A JOB. Yeah, I thought it was kind of crappy that I didn't hear a word from them when I moved back, but I put the responsibility on myself & stepped out to just say hi. They asked for money in return & I'd bet they expected more than what I gave them.

The things is that it's not just a few people, it's most of the people I grew up with. Some I keep in touch with. I wouldn't hang out with them all the time, but if they needed me I'd be there & vise versa. Then there are other people that are sort of on my level, who have day jobs & don't do drugs. But then they're so bigoted. How are these people even kin to me? And how did they grow up in the town we grew up in? It's so racially diverse (the one thing I loved about it.)

It's just so weird. Despite the fact that I grew up here I'm still starting over brand new. Most of the people I was closest to have been so self destructive, or we just grew apart, or like you said, they hate me now. Whatever.

I lost contact with some people I went to school with so I'm thinking about getting on Classmates.com. Also, I have been contacted by 2 agencies to volunteer. So, life goes on.

Thanks for letting me vent. I was having a really bad day yesterday. Today is better.

Hipi

When you wish upon a falling star, your dreams can come true. Unless it's really a meteorite hurtling to the Earth which will destroy all life. Then you're pretty much hosed no matter what you wish for. Unless it's death by meteor.

The only constant is....

....Change. I believe it was the Chinese philosopher I Ching who said that.

I grew up in a small town and went away to college when I was 19. Stayed away except for the very rare summer. I would come home and visit, but I changed from who I was. My moms family all work with the ground -- my cousin operates the family farm; my uncle had a greenhouse; one of my other cousins works in an oil field. I love my moms family -- they are caring loving people. When I come home its like I never left and there is no difference from the person I am now and the person I was -at least the way they treat me.

My ex wife was welcomed with open arms, even though she was from a "big city."

Some of my High School class mates on the other hand. I think one of the co-captains of our football team was married several times by age 24 and had 4-5 kids. I think he ended up in jail. One of my classmates ended up going to Westpoint. Some just stayed and worked at McDonald's & Walmart.

I guess the point I am trying to make is that time and change are the only constants -- we can go home to our parents and our family because they love us unconditionally. Supposedly our DH/DW/SO's love us unconditionally and gee wouldn't it be nice if our step kids and BM/BD loved us as well? If they did though, no one would be on this forum.

Our real and true friends love us. The old joke is that a real friend will be sitting next to us in jail saying "Man was that stupid of us to pull."

There is also the old saying "There is a reason some people come in our lifes. There are some people who come into our lives for a season. Then there are some people who come into our lives for life."

Who they are or how long they are going to be there we don't know at the time. Instead "we have to learn the courage to change what we can and the wisdon to accept what we cannot."

Sadly life sometimes sucks, we just have to try and make it that it doesn't suck for us and for the people we love.

Kevin

Adjustment

Okay, first of all I know I must sound like a lunatic on here sometimes. Believe me, it's because I'm venting. I can't tell the people in my life a lot of these things. Most times I don't. I just push them away for a while, deal with it, & when I feel better I come around. Anyhoo...

It's been a rough week for me this week. I guess I'm kind of going through a mourning period for the relationships I lost. I think it really hit hard this past weekend. Yes, I've changed a bit... I'm more refined than I used to be. No, I'm not the grunge chik who is rebelling against society anymore. I'm not 17. I grew up. And if I don't pay my bills or clean my house, no one else will. I like having a roof over my head & cable on my tv. I also like having good credit because I enjoy shopping. I'm not going to apologize for that. Also, there was so much wrong in the way I grew up. Yeah, my mom was lost for a while. I think she's doing so much better now & I know I am. As a child I witnessed too much violence, saw too many of the people I love drown in all this worthless trouble, & now I just see others wallowing in complacent misery. And to them, I am the bad guy when I don't sponsor them. Well, what if I brought kids into this world or even adopted any? I want to give them a better life than I had.

I didn't like Houston. I like who I became in Houston, but in order to be completely accepted I had to nearly disown my family & keep them swept under the rug like a dirty little secret. Well, I won't do that to my family. Yeah, they are crazy, & they drive me crazy, but I won't allow people to treat them like crap. Now I know all of Houston isn't like that, but the people I knew were. There was no way I could ever allow my 'friends' in Houston to meet my folks... they would have stuck their noses in the air. Oh they were nice to me as long as I acted just like them, but they weren't real friends.

Really I like being back home because it's so much more laid back. An engineer can have long shaggy hair & wear jeans to work & nobody sticks their noses in the air. Yeah, I came home physically, but really, you can't go home again. It's a loss for me, & I get to be hated for it but oh well. That's life. There's nothing else to do but look forward. Better have my shades, cuz it's so bright.

Ok, that's so cheesy but I couldn't resist.

Hipi

d

Starting over is always tough

Yeah, I just have to be patient. I've been running on full throttle with the move & everything, & now it's the holidays. I'm actually starting to slow down & I think it just all caught up with me. Starting over is good, but it's never easy.

I don't know about belly dancing, but thanks for the suggestion. I will keep it in mind & look into it though. I thought of a few things to get involved in, but I chose volunteer work & art classes. I love helping people, but I want it to be rewarding for me & others, not enabling people just so I get used. So I think volunteering & helping strangers would be best. I also chose art because I've always been creative & artsy. I have real talent for drawing, that's why I went into drafting. What I didn't expect was that I would be good at electronics & now I'm a designer. Who knew I was slightly engineery? lol! But getting back to my artsy nature I think will help me out a lot. Getting involved with others who help people & others who are creative I think would be a healthy thing for me. I've signed up for both but I have to fill out paper work for the volunteer stuff & I haven't received that in the mail yet. I also joined the local art studio but I haven't heard back from them yet. I hate waiting!

Hipi

You are here