make the pagent & surprise him? If so I would go. My DH hates to do to anything w/o me because he doesn't want to be alone with her. She usually does end up sitting by us though.

doing things out of obligation. Do you want to go. If not & DH isn't asking I would skip it. I usually only go to support my husband & my step kids always treat me well around their mom as they do when they are with us. My husband would never tolerate anything but.

Your DH, his EX-wife, her family & the step kids all need to come to the realization that YOU are a part of this family now---like it or NOT.

Your DH may honestly want you to save your vacation for more special times with the two of you. You will never really know unless you specifically ask. He might honestly be like my DH was (and still is occasionally) which is clueless to how you feel unless you come right out and tell him. Once you explain to him how & why you feel the way you do he might understand.

There's only two other reasons why I can think he may not want you to go:

1) To not have fiasco like last year. He knows it is not your fault but why have you treated that way? He might be trying to save you from that again.

2) He (nor probably EX, her family and maybe even kids) don't want you there. (This is my last resort though) They all may want to enjoy the pageant as a family even though they aren't really one any longer. I don't really think that is the case even though I don't know all the details.

You need to explain to your DH that you would love to go this event (and all others) so that you may witness your step-kids pageant---but most of all to spend time with your DH.

My poor little DH loves to go with me everywhere he can (even shopping---although he hates shopping). He also explained to me long ago that I am apart of his family because I am his wife. He has never let me feel "left out." I am thankful for that.

I don't go to recitals, soccer games, performances, award ceremonies etc. My DH wishes I would go to these events (as do I) but BM just is incapable of behaving herself.

So I made it my choice. It's just not worth it. BM in my case is a beast and I have completely removed myself from any situation where she is present. I love the girls but it's just not fair to them OR me.

My DH NEVER sits by her because it really is inappropriate in THEIR case. She has boundary issues plus DH doesn't like her enough to be in her company. So if this is the case for you, I think it's a fair request that he not sit by people who treat you "with contempt".

I'm sure the only reason that DH doesn't want you to go is to save the headache. It's just too bad that these women ruin it for everyone.

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."

My DH knows that any events of SS I go to as well. We've had problems with BM trying to cozy up to DH and try and get him back, they've never been married and she didn't even tell him he had a son until SS was 4 years old and yet she still thinks if I was out of the picture he'd be with her. Dillusional is what she is.

Anyway DH doesn't even do drop offs and pick-ups without me. He wants her to understand that I am his wife and when I'm there she keeps away and makes drop offs and pick-ups easier. She knows I won't allow her to get away with the stuff that he use to when I wasn't around.

She likes to remind DH often that he use to be so nice and available before I came into the picture. He likes to reminder her that "I'm with Angie now and that's the only woman I make myself available for." That didn't go over so well.

I'm pretty sure one of the reasons BM hates me is when we went to pick up SS last year at BM's apartment DH came down her garbage to toss at the dumpster. I was PISSED. I got out of the car took the garbage bag from DH and marched my ass up to her apt and told her "don't ever ask DH to do something such as take out fhe garbage if you can't get your lazy ass up to do it than go find yourself your own man to do it because mine only takes out ours"

Hmmm wonder why that didn't go over so well

You are a part of that family now, whether BM and her family like it or not, and whether or not your DH understands your feelings on this. If you do not wish to go, then that is another story. But I think the more they have to get used to you being there for your skids' events, they will have to acclimate to the fact that you are not going anywhere. It is over between DH and BM, them sitting together is definitely not appropriate, and personally, I would make sure of that by going. As for how you are treated, pretend you don't notice. Be sweet as can be, and congratulatory to the skids for their performance. Then who is going to look bad? Them. I say kill them with kindness.

Best of luck!

Oh sweetie! I know it hurts you to think you are not invited, not wanted, not .... You are coming from such a loving place----but let it go. Let him go enjoy, you do something else. When he comes home have a glass of wine waiting for him and smile.

Don't worry about where he sits. He's married to you, you are loaning him out for a short while.

I have no problem sharing my husband, but have a big problem sharing my money!

I go to 1 event per year, SD's recital. BM and her family do their best to make me (us)unforfortable. I do not let her win. I smile and act like a civilized person, unlike her. At other events for the skids, DH does not sit anywhere near her. He can't stand her about like me. He does not speak to her family, only the kids. We literally act like they are not there. I hug SD afterwards and tell her great she did and how proud I am of her. Now granted, BM is not right there on top of us but she is not far watching and listening to everything. I too choose not to go to stuff because of her. I get angry just seeing her and then I take it out on DH and that is not fair. SS does not like me anyway so he does not want me at his events. (Thanks BM) Anyway, if you truley want to go, I say go. Sit with your DH and act like they are not there. If the skids are ugly to you then that is their problem. Maybe once they get older and start being able to form their own opinions and not let the BS that BM is feeding them take over, they might remember you went and supported them and appreciate that.

I readily admit that I have no experience in this arena since BM has never attended one event in SD's life ever (with the exception of giving birth to her). 9 years later, I can't even meet BM at the door for fear of what I might do/say. I let Daddy handle all interaction with BM, which is hardly any at all.

I have been on the child's end of things though and I can honestly say that I would have loved to have both Mom and Dad at important events. I think it's really important to kids. I would never expect or even want them to sit together though. It's too weird for the kids and as a 2nd wife, I would find it highly inappropriate and disrespectful to me.

I think he should go, not sit with them and enjoy the show as a proud papa. Tell him to take lots of pics/video for you and then the next time you have the girls, share the pics/video with them so that they can tell you all about it. In the meantime, send them some flowers with a teddybear or something like that with a short sweet note telling them you are sorry you couldn't make it, but you can't wait to see them and hear all about it.
Good luck!

"Walk slow and watch for snakes"

Since in BM's world I don't actually exist (she will hang up if I answer my own phone and hangs up without leaving a voice mail so she doesn't have to hear my voice) we show up whenever possible to remind her I do in fact exist.

BM avoids all of SD's soccer games and school functions if we are going. She went so far as to not bring SD to a mandatory meeting at school a few years ago for problems in SD's class (which SD was a huge instigator along with a couple other girls.) That one was a piece of our winning custody, as the principal of the school was disgusted that she didn't come even after they personally called her when SD was bragging to classmates that her "cool" mom wasn't going to make her sit through the stupid meeting.

Last weekend was BM's weekend and the first time the fall soccer game fell on a BM weekend where she actually took visitation. SD left soccer stuff here (the field is 2 mins down the street.) So DH called BM to ask if they were stopping by. BM asks, "Are you going to the game?" DH- "I haven't decided yet."

So after SD gets stuff and leaves with BM we notice she left her school shoes here when she changed. DH says to me, "Guess I'm going after all." He said when he got there BM yelled at him, "Why did you LIE and say you weren't coming?????"
Ummm....that's not what he said.

She only hears/does/thinks what she wants to believe in her crazy little world. Did I mention recently that the Dark Side theme from Star Wars plays on DH's phone when BM calls?

Ask off and tell DH, "Guess what? I got the time off for the recital!" If he then says outright he was hoping you'd stay home I would tell him how you feel about it. Be careful to say it's how you feel- not that he's MAKING you feel that way. But honestly, your DH should put you as his wife above the feelings/concerns/discomfort of her as his ex.

Peace, love, and red wine

d

this is way off topic but when i got married to my Dh 3 years ago he and the BM were already divorced for 4 years and they would be like two dogs barking at each other. Then I came along and we worked things out and my SD is well adjusted, Though very spoiled and materialistic.
Today is so different from 3 years ago. We go to school plays and games etc and then me and my DH and BM and her new husband and baby and SD go out to eat!!
Gosh I wish the BMs would stop being b@#CHes. It makes life so much easier.

But to Ms. Frustrated I say......
(1)go only if you want to. THat way you are the better person for being kind to them.....yea kill them with kindness indeed.
(2) DH needs to let everyone esle know that you are his lady and a major part of his family.
(3) DH has to talk to the kids about this matter........you are his wife and their stepmomma. He should probably tell them that they do not HAVE TO LIKE YOU OR LOVE YOU,but theyHAVE TO RESPECT YOU AND BE POLITE
(4) so if you decide to go, wear a smashing outfit, put on some perfume and paste a smile on your face and don't cling to DH but let HIM hold YOUR hand when you are socializing.