Because he is an extension of BM? I don't understand really why you have so much animosity toward him if he isn't as you said, "a bad kid"?

It sort of sounds that you are laying the blame on the child instead of where it belongs....with the BM (and maybe even your husband). I do that sometimes, skids are an indirect cause of so much anguish in my life. And when things get really bad, I do the same thing I separate myself from my skids because they are a daily reminder of all that's going wrong in my life. But then I gather myself up and realize that none of it is their fault. The BM is who is causing all the rifts not them.

I think you are directing your anger where it doesn't belong. Your mad that you were alienated from the situation and now you're being asked to be the bigger person and forgive all that was done to you. The BM and your husband are the ones who took you out of the equation, not your stepson. I think if you would allow yourself to maybe get to know the stepson before you make your "assesment" of him, you would feel better.

Good luck.

I understand where you are coming from somewhat. For me, I would say it's because I have been mistreated by SD-13 in particular, for so long, that makes me dislike them. I am a hard person to get to know, and I don't befriend others easily. But, once I do, your in for life. If you cross me, your out....period, no second chances.

I feel the same way about my DH's son although my DH misrepresented his son to me while we were dating and I never had the chance to get to know him until after DH and I married.

I do not like being alone with DH's son because I'm afraid he's going to make up more lies about me to tell his friends or other family members. He recently told one of my daughter's friends that I'm an alcoholic, which is absolutely untrue and detrimental to my career as a teacher. He thought it was funny.

DH's son has thrown both of us under the bus so to speak to BM and grandparents to the point that my husband is now estranged from his parents because of his own son. DH and the EW will never be able to carry on a civil conversation be/c of the lies he spreads between the two households. He connives behind DH's back with the GPs and tells them that DH won't let him do anything yet we've asked him repeatedly to get involved in school sports/activites but he refuses. He expects DH to shell out thousands for him to join a private boxing club instead. He tells BM and GPs that DH refuses to buy him clothing or food, which is preposterous. He doesn't want to clothes shop at Walmart like the rest of us. He feels he deserves Abercrombie, Hollister, etc. but yet the rest of us are wearing the newest Rollback priced attire. I do the grocery shopping at discount warehouses and do not buy brandname items which he doesn't like. He's all about the expensive brands and claims that the generics don't taste the same. I guess his palate must be more educated than the rest of us in our house be/c none of us can tell the difference between Dr. Pepper and Dr. Dazzle or Mt. Dew and Citro Zip. Go figure.

He has flat out told my DH he doesn't feel like or want to do anything. He lives with us FT and is expected to do minimal chores, complete homework, and act like a productive human being. His report card is Ds/Fs and he gets a free ride at the private school in which I teach.

He lies and manipulates to get his way with my DH and it hurts my feelings for my husband because every time the boy says something like he's going to live with his BM, it crushes DH. The boy is unable to see how terribly he hurts DH and lacks remorse for the hurtful things he says/does to DH.

I too will never have a baby with DH. At first it was because DH's son doesn't want him to have any more children because he's so selfish and self-centered. Now, I share your same feelings that I never would want a sibling to that child.

I'm exhausted with the whole situation and in the short 17 months we've been married, I've lost more hair and gained more weight than I ever have due to the stress. Luckily, this weekend DH's son is g-o-n-e and I'm going to enjoy the weekend with my husband.

Go ahead and call me a bitch too! I wish my son's dad and his sm would do the same thing.... Send my son my way full-time! I'll take him! They don't spend anytime with him anyway so why not? Let me take him off your hands.... work on your marriage and raise your own baby...
I'm the only one who works on the homework... I'm the one who enrolls in sports (which they fight the whole way through), I'm the one who cooks, cares for him and does not just sit him in front of video games for hours on end... I know that my son's dad loves him very much but he does not do what is in our son's best interest.... I know that the only reason he will not give me our son full-time is because he is scared that I will go after him for child support.... which is completely NOT TRUE! I would even pay him to give me our son full-time! Unfortunately, nothing is more important to my son's dad than money and outward apperances.... I care more about our son than who pays who or who is labled 'custodian' or whatever.... thats not what its about to me... its about the kids and doing what is best for the kids....

My son's sm does not care about my son what-so-ever and my son really does not care for her either. My understanding is that the only thing she and her dh fight over is my son and I.... (her jealously of me and the fact that she takes it out on my son).

We're all in agreement that the boy should go live with his BM, unfortunately, DH isn't because he doesn't believe it's in his son's best interest. Is it or not? I don't know because I don't know the BM other than what DH has told me about her and a few nonsense phone calls she's placed to my home directly to me. IMHO, this is all a sick game that is played between DH, the BM, and son to see who wins the son or who can manipulate or cause the most grief to whom. Up until this point in his life, DH's son has been able to call all the shots in his life, his dad's, mom's, and paternal grandparents' lives, so when he said he wanted to go live with his BM last summer, all of a sudden, he wasn't allowed to dictate that one. I even volunteered to get a part-time job (in addition to my FT job) to help with expenses if he did leave and BM filed for CS.

My marriage won't falter because of DH's son, but because of **DH's reluctance and denial to admit there are problems being caused by his own ignorance.**

chocoholic, just out of curiosity, why is your ex-husband's new wife jealous of you and why does she take it out on your son? Furthermore, what kind of contact do you have with her to have caused such jealousy on her part?

Why is ex's wife jealous? In short:
From the beginning she literally tried to push me out of my own child's life. She told my son that he HAD to refer to her as "mom" and HAD to refer to me by my first name. She would freak out and cause a scene if my son called me "mom" in her presence. To this day (10 years later) she still threatens to ground my son and take his things away if she hears him refer to me as "mom".
When my son was young she told him that I did not really give birth to him and when I showed him pictures of my pregnant belly with him inside she told him that I swallowed a ball (all of this when he was too young to understand any better).

My son's dad says she is jealous because I am pretty and because we have a past together. He told me that any girl he even briefly dated in the past is not allowed to have ANY contact with him because of her insane jealously. He told me that she is crazy when it comes to women he has slept with in the past.... I told him that I am friends with a lot of my dh's ex girlfriends and he said that Jennifer would never allow him to be friends with any woman from his past because she wants to believe that he never had any relationships before her, and being that we have a child together, she cannot deny that we slept together and it drives her crazy.... She wanted to push me out of my own child's life so that she could slip back into denial that her dh has a past... when that didn't work she started trying to get orders against me (by lying of course) when that didn't work she filed false CPS reports (and was later caught by the court).... when that didn't work she started trying to turn my own son against me and tried convincing him that she was his "real mom", when that didn't work she began acting viciously toward my son.
In this case the sm acts like the BB!
My son's dad told me that she flips out even if he goes to the local coffee stand because pretty girls work there.
Why is she jealous? Because she chooses to live in a selfmade hell, a jealously fuled, insecure, vicious, miserable existance.

By the way, if you read my posts you will see that my daughter (from another dad) has a wonderful stepmom whom I am very grateful for. My point in saying this is that the one problem in all of this is Jennifer. My dh and I get along with my son's dad and we are very good friends with my daughter's dad and his wife... my son's dad says that he wishes that were the case with us, but Jennifer will never allow that to happen. In reading my posts you will also see that Jennifer has stalked and harassed me on this site. I have learned that Jennifer is not a normal, functioning person and I can't change that. I wish I could so that everyone could get along and live their lives, but it won't happen. Jennifer is far too comfortable living in pure dysfunction.

I also have a daughter and I am nowhere near jealous of her SM nor do I interfere in my daughter's relationship with the SM. My DD appears to like the SM. Early on, her dad did try to pull the calling her "mom" deal but I put a quick end to it. It did hurt at the time especially since the SM assaulted me from behind in my daughter's presence, she was only 3 years old at the time. I haven't forgiven nor have I forgotten but I don't insinuate myself into their lives and have a hard time understanding how some people, such as my DH's ex or the woman you describe, seem to think they have the God given right to still control an ex's life. I just don't get it.

My DH's ex sounds very similar to what you go through with Jennifer, however, much of what I know is second hand from my husband. I don't think the ex is jealous of me but I do think she's jealous of the fact that we married. I don't think she expected that to happen as she kicked my DH out after 7 years of marriage thinking no one else would ever want him/love him, but surprise, suprise, surpise! She also chooses to live a dysfunctional life being insecure, malicious, unproductive, and vindictive.