After about 6 months of struggle after we decided to get married, the last few months between FH and me have really just been wonderful. We've both been focused on our relationship, really working through the myriad of things that a blended family, ex-wives, and SKs brings. Then, last week, a bombshell-- his exwife told him that "he owed her" and she wanted us to move about 45 miles outside of the city where we live so that SS could enroll in a different district for middle school. FH has always been manipulated by here and allowed himself to agree to whatever she has wanted. I am not agreeing to this move, in any way, which I have made clear to FH. He still doesn't quite "get" that not every decision in our lives is made to optimize SS's existence-- but that what is best for our family also needs to be considered. For the first time, over the last few months, FH has talked about realizing and wanting to have a public identity that is himself and me-- not himself and SS (he has been a single dad for about 8 years and SS has served as his "partner," going to adult parties, social functions, etc. with him).
Anyway...as this stress and b-s with the exwife has started, FH has drifted back into patterns with SS that are isolating to me (see many of my postings from the end of 2009). I am trying to be patient-- to calmly let him know how I am feeling/identify what is happening, to not react. And to understand his fear of his exwife (she doesn't scare me-- but she has done some absolutely terrible things to him over the 10.5 years that SS has been alive, FH allows her to be psychologically manipulative and abusive to him, she is narcissistic, and will do anything to get what she wants). And to understand his fear of losing his son (although legally, no court would take away his 50% physical custody with no reason). And even his fears of growing apart from his son, as his son is getting older, wanting independence, etc. (this is also another issue that you could info. from old posts about).
Please send me some encouragement to be focused on all the positives that have emerged, to trust FH, to be supportive of him, and to be patient with him during this time until the school/living stuff gets settled and he and the exwife get things settled legally!