OK, here goes the school story, which is causing a lot of fights/anger/annoyance between the "D"H and me.

When I was still insane and determined to stay with the whole clan at the end of last school year, I knew that SD would be going from middle school to high school...where my oldest son was last year, and will be for the next few years.

Well, my son always had an issue with that. SD drives him up the wall and he wants NOTHING to do with the girl.

When they were in middle school together (he is only one year ahead of her), he asked that she pretend she didn't know him. He asked that she not even talk to him at school. He definitely didn't want her spreading around that they were step-sibs.

I didn't quite get it at the time, but "D"H agreed with my son. He told his daughter to just go to class, maker her own friends, and leave him out of anything she said or did.

OOOK. Whatever. My oldest wanted this and "D"H didn't think he was asking too much. *shrug*

Well low and behold, the SD goes to school and immediately blabs to everyone that they live in the same house, they are siblings, and tells her friends how much she knows about him. My son was furious, as he likes to keep a low profile, and loves being left to himself. Mind you, we are talking about a kid with Asperger's Autism. He doesn't like to be very social as it is, but agrees to be somewhat social because he knows it's good for him.

After everyone knew he had a sib that could give info about him....he got teased more, or had people trying to be in his business. Something my son almost flipped out about.

So when this high school talk came up, he very respectfully yet forcefully let me and "D"H know that he didn't like it and didn't want it. He wouldn't go to school where she was, even if it meant transferring somewhere else.

I tried to talk him out of it at the time, tho I don't think it did any good.

But now that SD won't be around because of the family issues, he is re-stating that he wants nothing to do with her in his same school. This is for many reasons, but mostly it's because she will do the same thing as before and we know it....but also, he wants her out of his life in every area now that I've finally stood up and said "NO!".

"D"H is furious at both me and my son for this. Keep in mind that he and SD don't even live in the right district (we do!!!) for that school. "D"H thinks it's just my son trying to "control" the situation, or "holding his breathe until he turns blue" to get his way.

I begged to differ. Then we fought. We've fought a lot over this, actually.

Here's the thing(s):
1. The girl will find a way to harass him.
2. Why should my son transfer when he is in district, PLUS THE SCHOOL HE ATTENDS HAS THE BEST AUTISM PROGRAM IN THE CITY? *He* should go somewhere else?
3. "D"H and SD have brought on this ostracizing between the family by not acting to get help!
4. I don't really want her in any position of power with my children anymore. Period.
5. I don't even own a car, so how would I get my son to another school?

BUT "D"H just sees it as a power play by me and my son. Now he's having to struggle to find a different school for SD because they live in a good neighborhood WITH A TERRIBLE SCHOOL. I admit, that's hard for him and I wouldn't want her going to her in district school, either. But what am I supposed to do about it? He says if he can't find anything else, she is going to go to school with my son. "That's just how it'll have to be", he says. My son won't have it, tho!

SO....am I wrong for backing my son up on this? Or is "D"H right in being so mad? I am not trying to be unfair to either he or his kid, but she has done so much that I can't ask very much of my son in respect to the SD anymore. He's had enough; same as me.

Help?