I feel like an outsider in my own home....

When my kids aren't here, and his are, it feels like they take over the house. There are so many of them and they fall into their routine and do whatever they want while most of the time dad is in his office on the computer, and Bio Mom is always hovering nearby...she doesn't actually live near us, but she is here as much as if she had a room in our house, she emails the kids and calls the kids constantly. Some days she calls 4 or 5 times....she is a control freak and a hypocrit and she isn't about to stop meddling and let the kids have some kind of a normal life...she also looks for opportunities to cause problems for us...her latest, she let the 14 year old dye her hair purple over the weekend, this is not allowed at the school she goes to...SD knew it and Bio Bitch knew it, so she takes her to school this morning and SD promptly get's suspended from school for the day and we have to go get her, go buy a hair dye kit and take her home to fix it, this is a normal day at our house. Bio mom managing to find ways to fuck with us. Then she is calling all evening wanting 19 year old SS to run around looking at cars for her, she wrecked her 5th car in 5 years, somehow she keeps managing to get people to either give her new cars of give her money for them....
I hate this life, I hate feeling like I don't belong in my own home...I really love my husband, but I think the stress is slowing killing that love every day....

Overwhelmed in Texas's blog
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Hey Texas

I don't really understand the BM being at your house and why you an hubby allow it. Its no wonder you feel like a stranger in your home if another woman is running it!! I would try to get the contact with her down to a minimum before it kills your spirit completely.

But the bit about you feeling odd in your home when skids are there, I can totally relate to. When my SS is here I feel weird also, probably because he ignores my existance and stares at me all the time with a weird look on his face, makes me feel really uncomfortable and I sigh when he leaves just knowing I can eat without the looks!!

Anyway apart from getting BM out of your home I have no advice because I don't know how to deal with the skid myself and feeling uncomfortable, I guess it's either hide, go out or deal with it for you and me. Hugs for you. Sometimes it just helps knowing you are not alone with your feelings.

Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*

Excellent point!!!!

How can she NOT feel a stranger when that woman is running around, controlling everything?! Very well put.

not so easy...

oh we are not allowed to restrict her contact with the kids, they made it very clear when they gave us custody that she should be allowed to call the kids during reasonable hours at her leisure...we have no rights to deny her access to them via the phone

No Wonder You Feel the Way You Do

BM should NOT be allowed to call the kids so often and your DH needs to stand up to those kids. I know how you feel about the stress. I feel it everyday too. It is not my SKIDS though it is BM and her constant BS. The stress is so bad sometimes feel like I will drop from it. Catch is right you need to keep the contact with BM to a minimum. Hang in there!!!!!!

ok...

why is it that they can make us feel that way? His two older kids, they treat me like a nasty wart that won't go away, his 16 year old SD won't acknowledge me or say hello unless I say it first....it drives me nuts and I ask myself every day why i stay...

I Couldn't take It

Just know it is not you it is them. I think they would treat anyone married to your DH like that. They do it because they can plain and simple. Without DH's support you don't stand a chance. I know how you feel about asking yourself why you stay. I do the same. I think back on my 3 years of marriage I don't think of joy. I think of toxic stress that eats at me everyday. I love my husband but love is quickly being replaced with exhaustion and stress. I have gotten to the place of feeling numb. I reminded myself today that I am human. Bm put the kids on the plane and called DH crying. I felt sorry for her for all of 10 seconds then I remember her calling CPS last year on us, the legal BS, and the crap she puts in the kids heads. I then go back to being Cruella.

I guess what we need to do is find some time for ourselves. Get that manicure even if the kids need school supplies. Buy ourselves that outfit and remember while we are doing for ourselves buying the kids things is not our problem. It is DH's. I decided that is exactly what I am going to do.

BTW I started showing skids that I am capable of giving a worse attitude than they can ever imagine when they give me their attitudes. Believe me it works

is this hopeless?

I mean, do you think it will always be like this? Cause I keep thinking maybe one day it's going to get better...but it never does...and then I think well maybe when they get older, they will be closer to me, and they never are...and then there is always this loyalty to their Bio mom, no matter what she does she can do no wrong and all their gratitude is to her, and all the nice things they do are for her, and I am just the maid/housekeeper/annoyance their dad married

My Own Boys

Were the most obnoxious teenagers ever. I thought someone came and stole my sweet little boys and replaced them with obnoxious know it all teenagers. My SKIDS are not nearly as bad as my on BKIDS were at that age. I am hoping everyday that things will get better that is the only reason I stay. It wouldn't be so bad if DH would keep a steady job. That is why I have one foot out the door at times. I can't take care of 3 children and an unemployed husband. That is too much for me.

Have you tried actually saying something to them all? I would not keep my feelings in like I didn't exist. I will make it well known I am in the house. I have become such a bitch and frankly Scarlett....... That has actually worked to a degree.

We had to take a stand with BM and not take anymore of her BS so we have her in court. Hopefully she will learn not to mess with us.

aw man...

You poor dear. You love so much and I hate that you're getting *this* in return. Sheesh!

Just a question: when she calls like that, you know...several times a day...does your DH seem put out by it? Does he answer without any real concern if she calls or not? I mean, if it bugs him, too, that's a start. Then maybe you could gently persuade him to ignore the calls?

Ah hell, I don't know. I am just grasping at straws. Even if you fixed the phone calls, it wouldn't stop the other behaviors. I'm sorry I can't be more creative or something!

I'm also sorry for the misery these people are causing you. *hugs*

I know what you mean!!

I say to myself all the time...come on Catch the kid is 11, why do you let him make you feel this way?? My answer to my own question is because I am very outgoing and have alot of friends and if I ever encounter really quiet or ignorant people I either A. am not drawn to these kinds of people and don't bring them into my circle of friends or B. if they are agrogant I don't choose to be friends with them.

The thing is when they are skids you can't teach them to be different, you haven't brought them up to be balanced respectful little people and you are forced to be with them, you don't have the choice to say, look you are not my type of person can you go home now..LOL...why can't it be that easy!!??

I often wonder why children would not be brought up to be polite, I mean how rude is it to ignore an adult whether you like them or not? My kids wouldn't get away with it, nor would they want to be rude, even to someone they don't like, they have been taught better.

Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*

You hit it on the nose!

This actually helps me a lot, cause you are so right! Are kids all go to the same school, it's pretty small and there are a lot of really nice kids there, my son has a lot of friends and they are all so nice to me, the girls and boys 14-17 all always say hello to me, come up and hug me when I'm at the school and then his stepdaughter will walk by see me and ignore me, I'm like what the hell did I ever do to you???

Give everything you have to nice kids...

In your home you have to give what you get. Let her know that should she treat you that way she will get nothing from you. Show the kids that give you respect the same in return, you never know it might just catch on...Hey i will take my own advice there. When SS returns I will tell him you may now call me Cruella and you will get in return what you give to me!! hehahahheheh Evil...

Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*

LMAO!!!!

Catch you crack me up!

Not so much as you, my dear cruella!!

My god when you made that post the otherday about 10 kids and you'd be eating your own face, my god LMAO!! I still laugh now when I see you running from those kids...I replied to your comment but I can't remember where it was I posted it!! LOL..you my friend are farkin funny!!

Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*

It was post...

How to be a good step parent, have a look I bet you laugh!!
BWAHAHAHA!!!!

Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*

Got To Keep A Sense of Humor

I remember that post. I haven't had much time to go back and look at all of them but I will. I like my face I dont want to eat it LOL! I just can't imagine 10 kids!!! OMG I thought 3 was a handful! My 100 dalmations will be running yelping as well LOL!

You have the laugh down to a T.

I think...

I need to change my name, maybe having a good strong name like Cruella would give me more strength vs overwhelmed!

I Think You are a Strong Person

Step Parenting isn't for the weak of heart that is for sure. I think you are a very strong person in order to deal with your situation. You are stonger than I am that is for sure. I get fed up and just give back what people give me. That is not the best way to handle things that is the only way I personally can deal with it. I haven't liked the person I become due to my situation. I am usually a very happy laid back person. It takes a lot for me to be this agitated and fed up. I feel cold and mean inside lately because of all of my resentment. I have NEVER felt this badly toward a person as I do BM. I hate what she does to the children. She is not a mother. She hates my husband more than she loves the children. The kids get back tonight and I have my hands full trying to deprogram them from all the lies I know she filled their heads up with. Lucky for me they have seen their mom in action and know what a lier she is. But like you said these kids worship their mother. God only knows why because she doesn't do much for them at all. I have decided to step back and let both BM and DH deal with the children. My money and time are going elsewhere. If the kids don't have things it is not because of me. That is BM and DH's problem. I made it mine when I married DH and took care of these kids as if they were my own however I see that no one really appreciates it. So now I stop. School is around the corner and the kids need a lot of things. So do I. I have not purchased a thing for myself in months. I need clothes and shoes for work. I know where my paycheck is going.

Hi! I'm new and just gonna

Hi! I'm new and just gonna jump in here... I will post a lil about myself later.

We *always* have two different situations in our house. In SD's case, she comes here with a cell phone provided by BM. DH will not put limits on her cellphone use with BM bc SD tells horrible tales of how mean her mom is and how horrible life is at BM's. Therefore DH feels sorry for her and worries that she will be in trouble.

My ex borders on intrusive at times, however, I have no problem not answering the phone if we are busy or telling him they are busy and will call him later. Same applies if my kids ask to call him, depends what we are doing. If we are headed out somewhere, they can call later KWIM?

As for feeling uncomfortable in your own home that is exactly how I stumbled upon this site two weekends ago. I had a weekend from h@ll with DH and SD where I basically spend the majority of the weekend totally disengaged and let DH be a parent for a change. Two days later we had a big blowup, first DH and I, then SD and I, then the three of us sat down together and discussed "rules" and "expectations", the rest of that week went much better I have to say... and so far this week, with just my two is also much better... *shrug* ... we will see!

It is what it is...

Hi Ittakestwo!!

Welcome, venting is a big help!! Everyone here is awesome!!

Texas, good strong positive name? I think you are on to something!

Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*

True!

Good point, catch. Our only enemy comes from the browsing history! haha.