She laughed in my face
SS is a newly minted 5 year-old and really a good kid. Last night, he wanted to call his mom after 9 p.m. and, "Tell her I love her and to bring my light sabers." I said he could talk to her but that it was too late for her to come over so don't ask her to bring them. He started to argue and I told him three more times not to ask her to bring them over. He said OK but tried to go upstairs to talk to her once I gave him the phone. I told him to stay down here, so he snuck behind the couch. I KNEW I should have gotten him out of there or at least found out what he was saying to her. He was WHISPERTING and asking her to bring those toys.
He went to the basement and told Daddy that Mommy was bringing his light sabers. Daddy asked me if SS had talked to his Mom and I said that he did but he wasn't supposed to ask her to bring them. SS admitted that he asked and Daddy told him that wasn't right. DH and I didn't think much more of it. End of story... right? Wrong.
She showed up about 10 minutes later. We opened the door and, of course, SS was all "Mommy!!!" excited to see her. She was laughing and I said, "He wasn't to ask you to bring those." She laughed harder and said, "Oh, it was so cute. I heard this little whisper saying, 'Mommy, will you bring my light sabers?' It was this cute little voice." I said, "Yeah, he was sneaking." The look on my face should have told her I wasn't fooling around. SHE JUST LAUGHED HARDER. I didn't even say good bye to her her. As I closed our front door, I told SS we needed to go talk to Daddy. So off he went, after giving me a "Ha ha, I got my toys" look.
I won't get into how Daddy and I handled it with SS. We talked and took the toys away. SS cried and we talked some more and I don't think we'll have to worry about this kind of thing again. I just can't believe that BM thought it was so funny when I was pretty clear that he did something wrong.
I know she didn't know I told SS no. But for her to laugh harder as I said he snuck to ask her to bring the toys. It wasn't cute. It was sneaky. I can't belive her. And I'm sure she's clueless. I should have stopped her and explained it all like I just did here.
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Comments
Ok Im trying to understand
Ok Im trying to understand this...being a sm and bm I can see both sides of most situations this one I must say I am leaning more toward bm...not that she was right to laugh in your face but being the mother of a 4 yr old boy I must say I would have laughed too not at you but at the situation no it was not right for ss to do something after you told him not too but I assure you he would have done the same thing to his bm..so try not to be too upset...I don't know the bm in your situation but she may not have been laughing at you she probably really did think it was cute we moms are like butter when it comes to little ones boys especially...
And that's why...
some kids get away with all kinds of bad behavior and end up being big problem children!!
Bm should have checked with Dad and Sm before she came over that late no matter what the situation!
She can laugh all she wants at her house but she shouldn't be showing the child that she thinks his being sneaky and not listening to Sm is not only ok but totally hilarious.
Dawn
Sneaky - not good
My SD was sneaky at 5 and the BM thought it was funny too. BM used to encourage it, in fact, because she thought it made us powerless. Now SD is 13 and lies and sneaks around constantly. BM is always calling us saying, "I don't know what to do with her - you have to do something!" Not so funny now, huh? It's not funny at 5....and it's HELL at 13! Hopefully you can get BM to see that before it's too late.
Do not cease from doing good - for at the right time we will harvest --- if we do not get tired first! Gal 6:9
Hmmmmm....
SMIT, I hear you and understand where you are coming from. You told him not to do it and he did it.
Very frustrating situation. Period.
He is 5 years old yes? I would really have to say you need to pick and choose your battles on this one. Yes he is trying to see what he is trying to get away with but at the same time he probably wanted to see mom and get his toy. And that the latter reasons were his strong motivating factors. It seems very innocent. Yes she should have checked with you and his dad. But she probably assumed (and we all know we all assume too much sometimes) that you guys knew.
He is five. This situation alone was not going to teach him how to obey and respect your decisions or your requests. If anything it telling him how to push your buttons. He is five. If you did not want her to come over then you should have had dad reinforce your decision and talk to BM. Period. Your asking a five year old to meet an expectation that is unrealistic. His want and need for his bio-parent or toy will out-way your request. That is normal and natural. He is in the middle. He does not understand.
I am sorry for your frustration. But next time if do not want HER to come over-YOU talk to her. Or have the dad talk to her.
But to ask five year old not to ask his mother is unrealistic, Now ask a ten year old and that is a different story.
It will get better.
Be the example you want him to be.
Good luck.
Wifi
Communication
I would have had DH send BM a text explaining that SS wanted to call her, and we will of course let him, but she should know up front that he is insisting on asking her to bring over x and that we have told him "no, it's too late". If she chose to still bring it over I would have let SS get the toy from her and not said a word to her at that time (in person or in front of SS). As soon as the door closed SS would be punished and toy taken away. Then an email would go to BM about how we handled it and why she should have respected our boundaries as outlined in text. Just a tip about how we would handle this. It's best if the communication happens between the parents and the kids don't hear any of it. You cannot control her getting in her car and bringing something over, but you can control what happens to it in your house.
As for BM laughing, sure it's rude, but just another thing you cannot control. In all fairness to her, she did not have a heads up to know that you had told SS it was wrong. She was caught off guard and did not react correctly, but could not have been expected to. If you had told her not to bring it and then she did, that would be a different story.
Agree with Steph
I have to agree with Steph here. But I also agree with the way you ultimately handled the situation - taking the toys away.
My SS is 4.5 ... he rarely asks to call his mommy - he'd rather be with us. But there are a couple of times that he has, and it has been late. We simply respond, "it's late and mommy is probably asleep. If you remind me tomorrow we can call her in the morning." He has never reminded us to call her in the morning. We live too far apart, 45 min., she wouldn't have driven up to our house to bring him his toys.
The other thing is that the toys at mommy's stay at mommy's and likewise with the toys at our house. Occasionally a new toy (on birthday or Chrismtas) will get to go home with him, but we also ask for it to be sent back - we bought it. So, maybe that's something you could do ...
As far as the laughing, I wouldn't think she was laughing at you ... probably at the situation. Yes, it would have pissed me off too. If you truly believe she was laughing at you DH needs to have a talk with her. In fact, DH needs to have a talk with her anyway ... when SS is doing something like that, BM should say, "okay sweetie, let me talk to daddy for a minute" and make sure that it's okay for her to bring over the toys. This is YOUR time with SS - not to be interrupted by her. But, again, if mommy's toys satay at mommy's house and that's a rule, it solves the problem.
~ Katrina
We do the same thing.
De inimico non loquaris sed cogities.
There is an understanding in our home that the toys bought by us remain in our home just as toys bought by bm remain in her home. Yes we occassionally let toys go home, like birthday or christmas presents but the day to day that we might purchase remain with us. You did do the right thing taking the toy away. We only have control in our homes, so there is nothing wrong with teaching a child that he/she must follow the rules as they apply to them.