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How much weight does the school carry?

didddos's picture

Submitted by didddos on Wed, 05/16/2007 - 7:51am

Summary of where we are: SS13 ran away almost 2 weeks ago. BB told him she couldn't handle him and he had to come live with his dad. Now, BB says she wants him back at the end of the school year. SS is failing school and has behavior issues. YES, we want him. We have always wanted him! BM has used SS as a means to control DH and I. She is now using us to try to control him! We don't want to be used as a punishment, but we will never, ever turn down time with him. He's having a lot of problems. He's just a kid. He can make me frustrated and angry, but I love him. I would give my right arm to get him on a decent path.

DH has been working SS's little hiney off to make-up missed school work. If we can get him caught up this quarter and get him into summer school, he might just pass 7th grade. SS is working hard and his attitute has gone from terrible to wonderful!!

Yesterday, we got an email. The school has set SS up with a special-ed case manager. Previously, BB told the school she would not allow them to test him. She didn't want him "labeled". The school is pursuing it, knowing DH temporarily has SS, but they will of course still need BB's consent. This is just preliminary. The actual assessment wouldn't be until next year.

The principal called DH yesterday. One of SS's teachers wanted our home address. She is going to write a letter to DH and tell him that in the past 2 weeks, SS has completed more work than he had all year. She also sees a huge improvement in his behavior. All in 2 weeks!!!

Dh is going to call principal back today and ask for him to write a letter. Could we maybe have a shot at custody?? We would need to go through the red tape and have a Guardian ad Litem assigned. With the school on our side, and the saved messages of BB saying she can't handle SS, could we have a chance?

In the state we live in, we were told by a lawyer, that we would pretty much have to prove abuse to get custody. It sucks!

This may be our last chance to save SS. If we can't do anything to get him out of BB's environment, I can't see things getting better for him.

Comments

vanessa's picture

Submitted by vanessa on Thu, 05/17/2007 - 9:01am

i recently moved from New York to Indiana, I see your mention of a GAL and believe there may be similarities between MN and IN, also you must prove abuse or neglect here. My husband and I did manage however to get physical custody of 2 ss and guardianship of SD, ask the GAL to pursue every avenue (your paying right?) who brings SS to physician, school official's statements, and if SS is 13 he "should" have an input. GL

didddos's picture

Submitted by didddos on Thu, 05/17/2007 - 11:39am

It's good to know that someone else has fought this battle and won.

When you ask if I'm paying, I'm not sure what you mean. This will be our first time requesting a GAL. Do we pay the court for this service? Excuse my ignorance, but I'm not sure how it works. Or are you asking about CS. IF so, yes, DH pays CS and has always been current.

I used to bring SS to the dentist, orthodontist, dr., etc. I'm now working full-time and it's harder. Usually, BM's mother takes SS. We aren't normally informed of his visits.

EXCEPT ... now that he's with us, we just found out that SS has a dentist appt this afternoon. I'm glad this came up because I'm calling right now to reschedue it for June after school is out and I am on vacation.

As for SS... He wants custody to be 50/50. Things are erratic at his BM's, BUT she also is not home often and SS is left to do whatever he wants. Things are a whole lot less strict when 3-4 X week, BM is at the bar until 1:00. Things are stricter at our house and more routine. Maybe not as much fun in a 13 yo's eyes, but we can be counted on to be consistent and loving. Also, we don't snap and start screaming at him because he left crumbs on the counter. He wants the freedom (mom) and normalcy (us). DH and I think custody with us is in his best interest --- especially now with failing school and behavior problems. The school agrees. God, I hope that's enough.

Mocha2001's picture

Submitted by Mocha2001 on Thu, 05/17/2007 - 2:10pm

Diddos, you know I'm from WA too, and I'm a GAL ... what county are you in? I might be able to clue you in as to the GAL practices in that county ... email me off list if you'd like ... kbakke1@comcast.net.

~ Katrina

didddos's picture

Submitted by didddos on Thu, 05/17/2007 - 2:29pm

I'm not in Washington. I'm in Minnesota. I'm not sure where you see WA.

I would LOVE a GAL's point of view on this though!!! In MN, the laws are very much for the BM. Example: There was a bill here last summer that did not pass. The law makers were trying to put forth a presumption of joint physical custody. It's such a shame that it did not pass! But, I'm rambling...

If you need info on our situation, I will post more. I would like to know your opinion.

TIA!

Mocha2001's picture

Submitted by Mocha2001 on Fri, 05/18/2007 - 1:25am

Email me off post, I'd be happy to give you my thoughts. Someone on here was from Washington State ... I can't remember who, but if that person reads this ... please let me know who you are ... email me off post or something. OR anyone else in Washington State for that matter.

Thanks,

~ Katrina

didddos's picture

Submitted by didddos on Fri, 05/18/2007 - 8:29am

Thanks, Katrina. I would appreciate the insight of someone who knows.

I tried to send a private message to you, but I don't believe you are set up for it. You would need to go to your account and activate the option. I'll try again later.

Mocha2001's picture

Submitted by Mocha2001 on Fri, 05/18/2007 - 10:51pm

Okay ... all done ... fire away Diddos ... I'm out of town this weekend, so I may not respond until Sunday or Monday.

~ Katrina

laughterandtears's picture

Submitted by laughterandtears on Thu, 05/17/2007 - 11:50am

and the school is on our side plus she told the GAL herself that she couldn't handle the SS's and that's why she sent them to live with us. Your attorney will request a GAL through the judge, who should grant it, and then you'll pay the GAL through his office or your attorney. At least that is how we have to do it. Be prepared, though, it's been two years and were still waiting for everything to go through. We have had physical custody of the boys the entire time and we have had an order in place for almost a year saying BM can't have contact with the SS's until further order of the court. Of course that doesn't stop her from calling and such.

All that you have will be very good for you and not so good for BM. Just make sure to document EVERYTHING. E-mails, phone calls, messages, anything that concerns her and SS.

Good luck, Sweetie!!!
IF IT WAS EASY, EVERYONE WOULD DO IT.

didddos's picture

Submitted by didddos on Thu, 05/17/2007 - 12:00pm

Now here comes the big problem.....

If we definitely decide to do this (until it's done, there is always room for doubt for me as it's fallen apart before), we will be doing it without an attorney.

We cannot afford anymore attorney fees. We just can't. I have the forms to file for the motion. My sister is an attorney, but she is a contract/employment attorney and knows nothing about Family Law except what they taught at law school. She is ready and willing to do research, look over the forms, and give advice (pro bono), but as she has no experience, she wouldn't really be representing us.

Do you think not having an attorney will hurt us????

laughterandtears's picture

Submitted by laughterandtears on Thu, 05/17/2007 - 1:14pm

We have had an attorney up until a few months ago, so far it hasn't hurt us, persay, but is has caused a few problems so we hired a new one last week. The problems were making sure that the papers we signed were correct and that we were going to get screwed in the process because it was her attorney that was drawing up the adoption papers. Is there any place you could go that would help you? I know here we have free attorneys, if you qualify, that do all that for you, or even better, can you spare 30 bucks? Get prepaid legal. They look over everything for free and even file so many papers for free, and if you happen to need an attorney, you get 25% off. It's pretty neat, we use it.

Good Luck!!!

IF IT WAS EASY, EVERYONE WOULD DO IT.

didddos's picture

Submitted by didddos on Thu, 05/17/2007 - 1:38pm

We wouldn't qualify for legal aid. We make too much $. They don't take the $1100/month in daycare into account.

I've not heard of prepaid legal. $30 we could do. $300 we could probably do. The quotes we've gotten have been $10K and up.

Where do I find out about prepaid legal?

I am so glad I found this forum!!! Thanks for your help!

laughterandtears's picture

Submitted by laughterandtears on Sat, 05/19/2007 - 11:15am

Type in prepaid legal in your search bar and it'll take you to one in your area or you can call 1-800-654-7757 or you can e-mail

If they ask for your member number, tell them your wanting to sign up. Good luck!!
IF IT WAS EASY, EVERYONE WOULD DO IT.

laughterandtears's picture

Submitted by laughterandtears on Sat, 05/19/2007 - 11:16am

Type in prepaid legal in your search bar and it'll take you to one in your area or you can call 1-800-654-7757 or you can e-mail

customerservice@pplsi.com.

If they ask for your member number, tell them your wanting to sign up. Good luck!!
IF IT WAS EASY, EVERYONE WOULD DO IT.