My situation isn't dire but I love reading everyone's posts and thought I would introduce myself and give a little info. I'm 25, married for the first time to a great man. We have been together for 5 years and married for three. He has a daughter-11 from a high school girlfriend and we are expecting our first child in July. I get along pretty well with SD and it actually seems lately that she talks to me more than she does her dad but I think that is just the age. She wants to tell me about who she likes and who she doesn't like and that stuff. I also get along with BM, basically b/c I don't disrepect her and she respects the fact that I don't try to overstep my boundaries as the SM, and that I don't put up with crap from SD (who can be very sneaky). I think that fact that DH and BM were never married and have both moved on to have rewarding marriages and careers also helps. My biggest issues are with MIL, since she is still working on letting go. She always wanted a daughter and when SD came along she jumped on the opportunity to have the little girl she never had. That is a long story and since I am not currently pissed at her, I will save it. She is sure to do something soon to push me over the edge.

The biggest problem that I am having currently is the fact that while SD is relatively well behaved, she is not happy about the baby that we are having. She feels that her younger siblings at her mother's house ruined her life and she has flat out told me that she doesn't want me to have a baby. Everything I read told me to allow her to have her feelings but I can't help the fact that it hurts my feelings. We can't really talk too much about the baby when she is around b/c she gets mad and I find it hard to have to dampen my enthusiasm just b/c she doesn't want to have to share anything. I am also still a little bit bitter about the fact that MIL's first response when we told her about the baby was, "You need to make sure that SD doesn't feel left out." That made me mad for two reasons, 1. she assumed (as she always does) that DH and I are not capable of taking care of SD's needs, including emotional ones- like we hadn't already been talking about that before we conceived- and 2. I just realized for sure that any of my children are always going to come in 2nd to SD. Again, MIL is another story.

My question is, has anyone dealt with the older SC being resentful of a new baby, and how did you handle it positively?? I have tried to just ignore her comments but I am not going to spend the rest of my life acting like my children aren't as special as she is or walking on egg shells b/c she might feel displaced. I think that treating her like I would any older bio-sibling-including her, making sure she gets some one-on-one time, etc. should be enough. I guess I am just hoping that someone else has gone through this and can tell me that I am going about this in the right way.

Here is what I have done so far, please feel free to add suggestions.
First of all we started talking to her about the possibility before it was a reality. Since we told her we were going to have a baby we have:
1. Let her know countless times that her room is her room and will be locked when she isn't there (once the baby is mobile)
2. Involved her in the planning of the baby shower
3. Let her give her opinion on the names we picked out and threw out the ones that she was ademantly opposed to
4. Told her how important she was going to be to the baby and how she would be able to help out when other's visited b/c she would know more about what the baby likes and doesn't like than a stranger
5. Assured her that she will not have to change any stinky diapers.
6. Assured her that she will still have special time with both DH and myself (she really likes me most of the time).

Despite all of this she still comments every time she is over that she isn't happy about the baby and that she would rather we not have the baby. She pouts if we have to spend any amount of time during her weekend on baby stuff.

-Sorry this is so long, I guess I had more to say than I thought.