I am really wondering that as well. It can't be because she's given up, because she's still maintaining that BF has threatened her and her son's life on numerous occasions and that he poses a mental and physical threat to him. She still says that she would rather him not come to visitations and that both her and her son's weekends are going to be hell because the court is forcing him to be here. So it can't be that she's had a change of heart! Maybe she's just crawling back to her cave with her tail between her legs for a while while she figures out her next plan of action. That's what I'm thinking is the most likely cause for her being so subdued this weekend, because I have a really hard time believing she's actually learned a lesson. Our lawyers have told us that this isn't the end and it's probably going to get much worse before it ever stands a chance of getting better. At least we know that there's most likely more ahead so she can't catch us off-guard.

I just wish she could move on and do something positive with her life! I don't see how someone could be so dead-set focused on being vindictive and difficult. Just grow up and move on!

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

Thank you I could imagine that that's probably exactly what it is. It is unlike her to not call SS 1000000 times when she's lonely and feeling down, so it's hard to know how she's feeling right now. I don't think she does or ever will accept the fact that SS enjoys being here - she's still in denial over that. She projects her feelings onto her son and still maintains that he hates being around us. Now she claims that her and her son's weekend are going to be hell because the court is forcing him to be here with us when he hates both of us and has supposedly threatened to run away if BF tried to pick him up (funny he always runs straight to the car and buckles in without her even having to go in the house to tell him his dad is there...). She says that he knows I took his father from him and broke up his home, and that he knows we're screwing and all sorts of other stuff. I think that's some pretty heavy stuff for an eight year old to know about unless she told him. It's hard to listen to her claims because they're so ridiculous they really bear no weight on reality. I would love to send her videotapes of SS and BF wrestling around and having fun together, or SS playing and laughing. I wish she could have proof that SS enjoys playing with me and talks to me frequently without being prompted while he is here. When he first gets here he is quiet, I'm sure he's mulling over the verbal raping that his mother gave him before he came...but after he loosens up it's "Nymh! Look at this! Nymh! Check this out!" every five minutes. A lot of times he talks to me more than he talks to BF! I am thoroughly convinced through my years of experience with her that she probably will never change or get better. We will have these brief interludes when she hides in defeat, but she will always get back up and fight. I just don't see why it has to be a fight! Why can't she just accept that SS is BF's son and live with it? I really do hope that things will get better with time, but in the three years that I have been around there's been no sign of that happening. Quite the contrary, things only continue to get worse. And now with us going to court once or twice a month, they're beginning to get expensive too! As if the $400+ child support bill wasn't enough already!

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

You're right, we do reinforce that SS has a right to express his own opinions and have feelings of his own. The poor child is so used to having his feelings dictated to him that it's hard for him to talk about his real feelings. We've had several long talks about his feelings, and every time we talk he opens up a little more about the differences how he feels vs. how his mother tells him to feel, and how that makes him feel. Then when BM gets him home and he tells her what he's told us, she scolds him and emails us saying that SS didn't tell us what he wanted to say and we manipulated him to say what we wanted to hear. She believes that questions are worded in ways that he doesn't understand and the answers he gives are interpreted to be of utmost benefit to us. How much more in denial could you get? Frequently when he gets off the phone, he will come to one or both of us and say, "I'm supposed to tell you that I don't like..." or something to that effect. When things like that happen we just ask him if that is how he really feels. He has never once said that those were his real feelings. He always says, "Those aren't my feelings those are my mom's!" Lately he even gets mad and talks about how his mother never asks him how he feels, she tells him how he feels, then tells him that he's supposed to tell us these things. You can always tell when it's something she's set him up to do because he'll trudge in, sigh, tilt his head to the side and look at the ceiling, and say something like "Dad, I need to tell you that I hate Nymh and I don't want to be around her and you're not my Daddy you're just my father and there's a big difference and Nymh stole you from me and I hate both of you for that and I don't like coming on visits with you and I don't think you care about me blah blah blah". Sometimes he really adds in the blah blah blahs! Then he'll get upset because he knows that the things he says would hurt our feelings if he really felt that way and he feels like his mother is using him to hurt us which he doesn't want to do.

I'm going to write a blog on how their conversation dynamic has changed because when they're on the phone while he's here, he is being much more assertive than he used to be. I'm proud of the little fella but I feel sorry for him going through the feelings that he's gone through to force him to grow up faster and become more mature in conversation with his mom. I wish she'd just let him be a kid and enjoy his time with his father without having to worry about being interrogated or used or made to feel guilty about enjoying himself.

I wish she could see this situation from an outsider's perspective looking in. I know for a fact that she would not sympathize with the person that is in her position. She'd be outraged! Why is it different when she's in those shoes?

You're absolutely right, she IS pushing her son away. I think she is beginning to realize it too. I think she's so far in denial , though, that she will blame the loss of relationship and custody with her son on us until her eyes are forced open. I think we made some progress this weekend but the fight is far from over.

*~So sayeth Nymh~*