My name is Krissy and I'm a BM (2-year-old DD) and a SM (5-year-old DSS). I have been married to my husband for 2 years and in the past few weeks, we have been talking divorce. Many factors have gone into this decision, which is mostly mine. The difference between DH and I regarding this matter is that he is content to stay in a failing marriage and I am not.

I have been looking for a place to vent my frustrations for a while. I've joined various message boards, and I've found a few great ladies, but I guess I am now looking for more of a place to be able to come and log my experiences. It's a little bit of self-help too, because writing has always been cathartic for me. And of course, I am looking forward to reading everyone's stories, as I know we can all learn from one another.

*********************

I guess my latest complaint/vent is that I feel at this point, not much is left in our marriage yet I still have to take care of 90% of the household responsibilities unless I want to live in squalor. I work full-time, and come home to a toddler, and still I have to do all of the laundry, cleaning of the bathrooms and kitchen, picking up of the bedrooms, vacuum, etc. DH is such a slob that he will live in a mess for weeks before cleaning. Ys, he does work hard, but so do I.

I have severely backed off of my relationship with DSS. He's 5 but a very young 5. I'd say that he is more like a 3-4. He's a big kid for his age but he had ear and eye problems for 4 years that were not corrected until last spring. When I met DH, I told him immediately that I noticed a problem with his son and he told me I was mean and that his son was perfect. I only wish I had been more forceful about it because DSS could have been cared for sooner. DSS is quite spoiled and does not have any responsibilities in the house. He is not made to pick up his toys or put his plate in the sink after dinner. No matter how many times I ask, he leaves his clothes all over the house and his coat and shoes as well. When I walk in the house after work, he is there on Tues. and Thurs. and he doesn't even acknowledge me ebcause he's glued to the tv. I have bought him numerous workbooks and games to help with his academic slugishness and DH just disregards it all and lets him watch nothing but cartoons and movies that are 100% NONeducational.

DH is a "Disney Dad" to the nth degree. We have DSS every Tuesday & overnight, every Thursday & overnight and e/0 weekend (so almost shared custody). On the weekend that he is over, it is nonstop "fun". We go to indoor amusement parks in winter and outdoor ones in summer. DH spent $600 (that he does NOT have for this purpose as he owes money to more important things) on his birthday gifts yet the very next day, instead of staying home to play with them, he took him to an arcade. DSS is becoming bratty because of this.

The issues with BB have always been at the root of our problems. As soon as DH and I were married, she started filing motions and petitions and generally being very difficult. I spent 14 days of my vacation time in court last year. I have spent numerous hours dealing with lawyers and bills and collecting/documenting evidence and dealing with a woman who spent the first 6 months of my marriage calling to accuse DH of being in love with her, wanting to leave me for her (she was remarried at the time), etc. The one time I tried to reach out to her, she responded by attacking DH and me and our life and making nasty, inappropriate comments to me that I did not appreciate. She has always been rude to me and she accuses me of things I would NEVER do all of the time. Unfortunately, DH is emotionally tuned out, so he cannot see that all of the crap I've dealt with is hurtful. He calls me weak for crying about it and when I ask how he can treat me the way he does when i do so much to help him, he tells me that he never asked for my help in the first place. The man can never apologize. He never defends me to BB no matter what. He says that I shouldn't care what she says. When I say that I am not like him and I get upset, he calls me an emotional wreck.

DH also has a daughter. She is from a 1-nighter and she lives across the country. I knew about her when we met, but he told me that she had been adopted by her stepfather and that he visited her a few times a year but was pretty much absent. Adfter we were married, I found out that the man did NOT adopt her and that DH aws paying $650/mo child support for her. At around the same time, BB#2 took him for an increase in CS. That has been adjusted, but when you put both together, he pays $1550 total/mo.

My DD is not DH's biological child. I had her with a man that bailed on me when he found out that I was pregnant. I have filed for CS and because he is a British citizen, the process has taken almost 2 years but starting enxt month I will be receiving support for her. It's great. DH has been a good father to her, I must admit. He really loves her and helps me with her. But he is not home very much and when he is, DSS is there and it makes it hard for any quality family time to be had because it's always DH and DSS doing whatever fun thing Dh plans without consulting me, with me and DD running after them.

There are lots of other things. I do not like myself when I am with him and I do not like my life. If I enver find another man, I will be fine. Anything is better than living in this sham of a marriage. I have made a vow not to leave, tho, until I can get all of my ducks in a row financially and employment-wise. I want to leave knowing that I planned and took my time. It's the waiting and preparing that is killing me because the sight of both he and his kid (yes, I know that sounds terrible) really annoys me to no end.

Well, that's it for now. We have DSS this weekend and I am already dreading it. Oh well...at least it's Friday.:)