Family therapists very concerned about SD's safety
Well, we met with the Family Based Therapy team last night at our house for the second time. They are very concerned about SD's safety with BM (as are we!) Everything they are hearing in these sessions is indicative of emotional neglect. They are saying that this little girl doesn't have a chance to make it through adolescence in that household if BM doesn't make some changes, and it has become very apparent to them that BM is incapable of even seeing that her behavior is the problem and therefore is not able or even willing to consider changing her ways.
They are ready to begin the next phase in the treatment and start doing one session a week with BM, BF and SD all together. So far, the weekly sessions with both parents have been without SD present to protect her from the adult issues that BM carries on about. The therapists are realizing that they're getting nowhere by letting BM spew all her crap about her relationship issues with BF, so they're going to have these family sessions and attempt to "teach" her what is appropriate for her to expose SD to. It's going to be ugly and difficult, but necessary to prove that they've tried everything to help create a healthy relationship between mother and daughter.
Up until now, every therapist, psychiatrist, case worker or other mental health professional working with this family, has kowtowed to BM so as to not set her off because of the fear of her ripping SD out of the therapy. They figured they couldn't help SD if BM took her away, so they had to walk on eggshells around BM, which has never been any good to anyone either! This time, they're not afraid of that because if BM is non-compliant with this therapy, then guess what? She loses custody.
So, here we go into stage 2!
Also, the therapists mentioned that they're planning a weekend session at our house soon where they will videotape us with SD. I'm actually looking forward to it! It'll be a great opportunity to show what a lovely family we are together. I'll keep you posted.
- Caitlin's blog
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I look forward to your entry each week....
and I am happy to hear that things are going well for you. How did you get into this arrangement in the first place with the therapy and everything? It sounds like it must have been court ordered? How did it begin?
It all began with a crisis
It actually wasn't court ordered. We got into this arrangement because SD tried to throw herself out the window because she and BM were fighting one night over homework. SD's psychologist wanted her to be hospitalized for evaluation when this incident happened and BM refused. (Great move, refusing medical treatment for your kid!) BM found an outpatient program that she enrolled SD in for 12 days and the docs there very quickly saw that SD would remain troubled/sick/suicidal/unstable for as long as BM kept up her behavior, so they ordered Family Based Services to come into the home 3 times a week for 9 months.
We're about 2 or 3 months into it now and for the first time I finally feel like SD is getting the help she needs. It's a win-win situation because either a) BM gets better and can be a good parent for her daughter (and actually coparent with BF!) or b) SD gets to come live with us in a happy, healthy environment. Selfishly, I'd prefer b only because I would really really really love for SD to come live with us, but for SD's sake, I do hope that things will get better between her and BM. I mean, she only has one mom and I just want them to have a healthy relationship. I'm so sick of watching that woman use SD as a pawn for hurting BF. That little girl has been through so much.
Goosebumps!
Caitlyn, I am so happy for you!!And I agree with NinaS, I think I even woke up last night thinking...hmmm Caitlyn would have had that therapy thing tonight how did it go?? Funny how you can be someone (me) no interest and almost anti-computer, find this site, new friends, and sidekicks(ofcourse) and it becomes "part of you" Is that weird??? Sorry, maybe it is a loon speaking, but it is true. It is of course the part of me that has "detached" "calmed"NOT and found comfort in "talking" to someone who "understands". I almost feel guiltyNOT that I am happy these shrinks are finding this woman "crazy"...... I wouldn't wish being "crazy" on anyone, but for the sake of your sd, I hope you "deliver premature"!!!! I realize it is perhaps way to early to discuss, and I say that because no little girl deserves that pressure, but does sd know that you hope she is delivered home to her stable family?
I'm so happy for your family
I'm so happy for your family and encouraged by your latest report. It's great to have hope when things once seemed so hopeless.
Definitely keep us posted! I'm like the others... I anxiously await each installment. The way you describe your lovely little girl and your emotions towards her just tugs at the old heart strings.
~ Anne ~
Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice: Pull down your pants and slide on the ice! -M*A*S*H (Sidney Freedman to the OR staff on dealing with stress)
Great news.
I love hearing that the therapist can see though the bullshit these BM's can put out.
I know how much you love your SD. Best wishes being sent your way.
Jo
I'm so glad to hear progress-ish...
Keep them updates posted.
Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...
That's Great News!
I can definitely identify with you! Our BM is a manipulative witch, fortunately one mediator saw through it. Everyone recognizes she cannot be honest about anything, yet no one will take her on, claiming they don't want the repurcussions. Best of luck in the therapy.
Hi Caitlin
Just wanted to let you know that I've been following your posts pretty close. I really hope you guys get custody, and get it soon! This news is so wonderful, and I'm praying for you everyday that you guys get sd.
I read your last post (I was too busy to post anything), but I just was thinking "what a nut job..". Your poor sd. Does your sd just want to find the biggest rock and crawl underneath it sometimes?
The descriptions you give of bm remind me of my dh's aunt that is bipolar with ms, and just out to lunch!
Well, this sounds like progress. I'm hoping and pulling for you guys!
Bests,
Candice
Heading in the right direction
Caitlin, that's very encouraging news. I hope the therapy team will soon get tired of walking on eggshells with BM and decide the best place for SD to be is with you and her dad. That day is just around the corner. Wish you all the best.
Hooray!
Baby steps, Caitlin. You guys are making progress and I'm so proud
*~So sayeth Nymh~*