Hello Everybody!

I'm new to this forum and thought I would post something. Just as a background, I'm re-married for 5 years and have 3 kids of my own and and 3 stepdaughters. It hasn't been easy but I think my husband is worth staying for, just sometimes I need a little support to make it through.

Dilemma: Every year we have a traditional cookie bake with my family, stepkids and 2 others families. This year we planned the cookie bake on December 22nd so we could have it with all of the kids (2 coming back from college and one lives out of state but will be there by then).

I asked my hubby to ask his ex to change the date several times via e-mail and gentle reminders on the phone. My hubby is going crazy with business now and completely forgot to ask.

So, I was sending e-mails to all of the kids reminding them of our "plans" for christmas and I mentioned the cookie bake. My hubbies oldest daughter, Nikki (18), called her mom asking about what they were doing on that date and she said "why do you ask" and then Nikki told her about the cookie bake and of course, the EW said I have something planned on that day.

My H is not one to make waves so he did not "fight" for this date. So I decided to write a non threatening letter to my H daughter and tell her about my feelings (we will miss you, sure wish you could come). I also asked her if there was any way that her mom could compromise and possibly change her plans so the kids could go to both. I said that I didn't expect a response and it was up to her to decide what she wanted to do and I would understand either way.

Well, the next day, I find a scathing e-mail from the EW indicating that her daughter was bawling histerically and and how dare I "guilt" her into doing anything. Needless to say, apparently she felt it necessary to bring up all of her pain and began to blame me for everything (this woman has not accepted me and refuses to leave our lives by clinging to my H family). Not sure if the SD told her BM about it or it the BM went into her e-mail and found it. I still don't understand why she would go to her mom about this and not talk to her BD or I about this.

Now this leaves me with a dilemma - I'm tired of all this drama and I really want to respond and let her have it. I want to tell her that she is the one ruining her kids and to stop blaming her EH or I for all of her issues and stop huring the kids. But I know in the end that will hurt the kids and in the past I have tried to always take the high road. This has been going on for 8 years and I'm just so tired of being the target of my SD's as wel as the EW. I REALLY want to tell her off but not sure if it will make matters worse for everyone.

Now I really feel betrayed by the SD as well. Why would she call her BM about this and not call her BD or I to get this resolved? If she knew her BM was going to be a scathing lunatic, then why would she call?

Now I feel hurt and angered over this and I'm not sure if I can get the strength to put my happy face on and pretend that everything is okay.

Help! Please let me your thoughts on how to proceed. I could go on and on but I've tried to limit it.

If you do respond, thank you in advance!