So unfair
It's been a while since I've posted here because I've been trying really hard to not let things get to me and be as supportive a family member as I can be...but last night was too much for me to handle on my own. I need some advise please!
I had been taking my SD to school on Monday mornings so her grandma could have a break since she takes her to school every other morning. In October I had to commute over 60 miles for work so I stayed over at my parents or friends house as a convenience. Well, grandma took her to school on those Mondays and the first Monday I was back she showed up again. It was a communication issue with my BF and her and wasn't really a big deal. Well the last 2 Mondays has been the same thing and I started to get upset. You dont' ask someone to do you a favor and then do the thing yourself...do you?
So, I was laying in bed Monday morning waiting for time to wake SD up and grandma shows up again. I stay in bed...heartbroken! I go to work late and therefore have to work late - 10:30-6:30. BF sends me a text message at 4 pm telling me about a performance that SD has at school at 7 pm. I ask him to let her know I can't make it and not to be mad since I just found out and have to work late. You would think that if it was a big deal that they would have let me know sooner. I get home a little before BF and SD do (performance only lasted 20 minutes) and am making myself some dinner. No on talks to me...and obviously they are upset. BF tells me that I could have tried harder to make it and it was really important to SD. If it was so important shouldn't I have gotten advance notice? At least 24 hours? To add injury to insult BF tells me that he didn't want to hurt my feelings but SD and grandma decided that grandma is going to take SD to school every day from now on. And he adds that I obviously don't care. If I didn't care I would have ran far far away a while ago.
What's a girl to do?
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Comments
be honest about your feelings
It sounds as though you have been feeling hurt sometimes but not expressing that. Be honest about your feelings about all of this. It sounds as though you really care and are trying so hard. Be yourself and be honest about how you feel!
The only thing you can do, I
The only thing you can do, I suppose, is confront them both, tell them how much you want to attend these things and how disappointed you are that you had to miss the one, tell them to please let you have enough advance notice to be able to schedule your work to be able to attend in the future. Tell them both that you care very much for the girl and that you want very much for the three of you to be a family, but that respect is a two-way street and it is something everyone must give in order to get back in return. I'd keep in mind that sometimes bio parents, custodial or not, can be a little oversensitive and can overreact to things like this. I agree with hopeful that you should be honest with him about how you feel and make sure he understands that you do care, but that you are not a magician who can teleport herself to school functions, etc. at the blink of an eye or a magician who can be two places at once. I think if you are calm, rational and approach it as a misunderstanding rather than a them against you situation, you might make better progress. As for the Monday morning pickup by Grandma, sleep in and enjoy it. Pick your battles, this one may not be worth fighting.
~ Anne ~
Good Advice Anne
Thanks for the advice. We all do need to sit down and have a chat. I'm not good at those things and neither is my BF, but I guess I have to grow up and face these things if I want this family to work. I like the advice about sleeping in the best...I'm definitely going to drop that one. Thanks!
That sucks
I think the advice that is already posted here is very good. Number2Blues, I wouldn't get too caught up in Grandma asking for a favor and then not accepting it or your missing the performance. Grandma might think you get plenty of time with SD when really you only see her for a little while after work. And if BF gave you no notice, he should be explaining to his daughter that you have other responsibilities and cannot teleport. We feel your pain.
i would tell your husband
i would tell your husband how you feel and what happened regarding the school transportation issues. be honest and tell him how you feel about everything. it's unfair to have them judge you about why couldn't make it to her performance, w/such a late notice and that you worked late and tired. maybe they are assuming a lot of things and getting the wrong message. clear it up for them and work from there. your husband should support your feelings too.
-happy mom
Thanks!
Thank you to everyone who commented on my venting. I really appreciate all of your input and can easily see how I get worked up over things. Instead of seeing them as a misunderstanding I see it as them against me, which isn't the case. Thanks for all of your positive thoughts...the next time something like this comes up I will try to remember what each of you said and take that into consideration before I get my feelings hurt for no reason.
THANK YOU!