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How Far will you go until you just walk away?

Sweetie's picture

Submitted by Sweetie on Thu, 03/09/2006 - 6:52pm

Well, here's some food for thought as I have been thinking about this for days and days. I had written a couple of blog entries in the last two days but accidentally deleted them before I got them posted. SD's biomom sent my husband a ridiculous melodramatic email at work stating that SD was being harassed by me and that my husband needed to stop me or she would look into filing a restraining order. My husband fired back about all of SD's deflammatory remarks on the public blogs and that I had the right to respond. So, it has been an aggravating, turbulent couple of days. Much of what has happened could have been avoided if biomom had courteously shared information but refused to do so. She has repeatedly spent all her time trying to sabotage the relationship my husband and I had with SD. There is absolutely nothing left--we feel nothing towards here but a lot of hostility for stringing us along. It would have been okay if she just said she wanted to stay at Mom's--but not play all the games. We were in debt up to our necks in legal fees and could have easily lost our home. But she has followed suit to the tee with her Mom and there are no morals, it's like everything I tried to teach her has gone out the window. And then SD complains because we did not send a "mushy" card to her with her Christmas gift--mind you I went out of my way to get 2 gifts for her as my stepson called me and said she kept asking him if she was getting anything from us. So, I sent a dolphin necklace and a blue fleece jacket for skiing. Then, we never even get a thank you. This past week, she writes in her blog, that I ruined her Christmas and her time with her Mom, Mom's boyfriend, and brother by sending her a gift. I am just literally sick and I just shake all over. What is the point in trying to do the right thing? Like how was I supposed to send a Hallmark card to someone that has barely spoken to me in a year--how do you find a card that says--thanks for screwing your dad and me over?
I don't know how but my husband says that life is too short and that it is time to move on. He is afraid that I will have a heart attack or stroke because of all the other health issues and the anxiety isn't good. But I try to work on constructive stuff for periods during the day because if I don't all I do, is think and wonder how much of a lie my life was for at least 6 years?
If this is what life is all about, it's no wonder that I am out here in the country with my 3 dogs.
Regards,
Sweetie

Comments

Dawn-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Dawn-Moderator on Thu, 03/09/2006 - 7:45pm

Sweetie,

I think your husband might be right. It sounds like with the mind frame your step daughter is in right now, it isn't worth risking your health to deal with her. Maybe you should just completely ignore her for now. It is obvious that no matter what you do or say, she is going to twist it around to make you sound evil. Don't give her the satisfaction.

Keep working on constructive stuff. Enjoy you dogs, your husband and your stepson. See what happens.

Oh, and I am glad that your husband stuck up for you! That should make you feel good!

Dawn

Sweetie's picture

Submitted by Sweetie on Fri, 03/10/2006 - 9:01am

Thanks for your kind comment, Dawn. I don't mean to seem callous but these days, I am pretty much feeling like some kind of pariah.
Regards, Sweetie

Anonymous's picture

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Fri, 03/10/2006 - 12:26pm

Has it occured to you that you are dealing with a child? Someone who is not completely mature yet emotionally or physically? You talk about your stepdaughter like she's another adult. But you cannot deal with her that way. She's not ready for that kind of tit for tat adult woman behavior.

Lots of people were difficult when they were teens and they came through it okay. You really need to rethink the way you handle your stepdaughter. I don't come to this site often, but each time I do, you're complaining about your stepchildren. I think you really should've thought about all this before you married. Most women are not cut out to be stepmoms. It takes a special kind of person with a big heart and a high tolerance for rejection.

Dawn-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Dawn-Moderator on Fri, 03/10/2006 - 4:15pm

Please keep in mind that Sweetie has come here to vent her frustrations.

Also, the "child" is treating her, an adult, with disrespect. No matter how old she is, that is not acceptable.

Sometimes it is just not possible to think about everything that is involved or everything that could happen when you become a step parent. I think we all just have to do the best we can, keep our heads up and and hope for the best.

Dawn

Sweetie's picture

Submitted by Sweetie on Fri, 03/10/2006 - 7:17pm

Dawn,
You're my Hero!!! Thanks for standing behind and beside me this week.
So glad this site is for venting. Too bad some people can't read. And others don't have a clue what's going on. I know you understand.
Had fun this evening with the dogs. Hope your weekend is a great one.
Regards,
Sweetie

Sweetie's picture

Submitted by Sweetie on Fri, 03/10/2006 - 7:13pm

Dear Anonymous,
It's fortunate that you seem to know so much about being a stepmom.
Maybe you have possibly experienced as much or more than I in the last ten years going back and forth to court for custody issues, frivolous issues, support issues, contempt of court issues, and other false allegations against your husband that were dropped. If you don't like the site, than I would suggest than you look for somewhere else, because when many of us married, we had no conceivable way of knowing how nasty, evil, and manipulative ex-wives are. That being said, perhaps you are also are familiar with how children work two ends against the middle--but in this particular case, my stepdaughter's behavior is absolutely unacceptable. Maybe you were raised to treat others with disrespect, but unless you can walk in someone else's shoes, I'd appreciate it if'd you back off!!!!! I have had plenty of time to "rethink" how I handle my stepdaughter, thank you for your concern. Please apply your psychoanalysis on someone who appreciates it. Those of us who marry for love, do not gw through our beloved's whole life's event's to see if there are any unacceptable connections, because if that were the case, no one would be married! FYI, I have a B.S. in Speech Pathology (Functional Major), with a minor in Psychology, and am working on a Masters in Business with Emphasis in Financial Accounting. I am very well educated. By the way, I noticed, you're not a member!