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Ex husband too close?

markwvualum's picture

Submitted by markwvualum on Mon, 02/19/2018 - 1:56pm

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My wife's ex husband and father of her children is a disney dad and lax parent. I would be more supportive of his calling the house every night to say goodnight to his kids(even on valentines day and the rare days my wife and I have off together) if he actually was a decent father. He takes his kids once a week for a few hours and evidently him and my wife talk a lot while Im not around about how the kids behave at his place and joke around with one another etc. To be quite frank I cant stand the guy. I think he's scum and dont trust him for a second. But I act nice to his face for the sake of her kids and dont speak ill of him around the kids ever. However what annoys me the most is she seems content with him being such a pathetic excuse for a father because he's the father of her children. He also gets on my nerves with the calling every night to speak to his kids. Its weird behavior since most of the time the kids dont even want to speak to him. I tell them to pick up the phone because I think they should since he's their dad but they dont even seem to want to. Any else ex get on their nerves?

SAFjh's picture

Submitted by SAFjh on Mon, 02/19/2018 - 3:09pm

Not sure if I have any place responding here since I don't have to deal with this exact problem...well actually I am just now reminded that I did deal with this very briefly in the first year of being with my SO. Her two kids saw their Dad on weekends at the time and when they returned home their was something VERY off about their behavior. Also I could tell that the whole reason the Dad was even taking them was to stay linked to my SO. He wanted her back and wasn't letting go and this was the only way he could still have anything to do with her. We will never know if he was doing anything strange or creepy to these kids just to passive-aggressively hurt my SO but after a year of things being "off" and a couple of peculiarities coming to light they no longer saw their Dad anymore and he didn't even raise any fuss about it.

So...is it possible that this is what's going on with your situation? Even just the part where he is only involved with the kids to keep lines open between him and your wife? I know your question was just about any of us having an ex get on their nerves and that maybe you aren't looking for someone to dissect your situation or to speculate on it but I just hope you keep your eyes open and keep the communication open between you and your wife if you have concerns. Any kind of concerns. And certainly let her know that he is in contact more than what you are comfortable with.

RST's picture

Submitted by RST on Tue, 02/20/2018 - 5:25am

My SO is a good Dad, he speaks to his daughter briefly every day she's at her BM's, she speaks to her BM daily when she's with us, it's easier now as she's older. However, when I was first with my SO, not living with but dating, the call on our evenings together would often last an hour or more. He would speak to his DD then BM would always have an excuse to come on the phone to discuss the day, it drove me insane, it split us up for a short while as I wouldn't put up with either the call or his reluctance to see it wasn't about his DD it was about BM making her presence felt. When the penny dropped he put a stop to those long calls unless it was about something of importance. I was looking after SD one day when her BM face timed her and proceeded to be rude about me, SD didn't leave the room, I didn't leave the room (it's my house!) & BM was unaware I could hear everything - after that call the rule is that SD takes/makes calls to BM in her room.

caitlinj's picture

Submitted by caitlinj on Tue, 02/20/2018 - 5:34pm

Your wife should have better boundaries which her ex. The calling needs to cease but it’s her place to be on top of that. If the kids are old enough to use a phone have them call their father whenever they like. Problem solved. Now your wife’s turn to have some backbone with the invasive meddling ex. If he continues to call don’t answer. If he’s normal he will get the hint.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Fri, 03/23/2018 - 4:23pm

and fortunately he struggles to dial a phone so we didn't have a whole lot of this type of thing to deal with over the  years we lived under the Custody/Visitation/Support CO.

He did call once crying about missing his family. ROFL And he called once to profess his undying love for my wife about 5 years after we married. ROFL but other than that I can count one finger the number of times he called during our 16+ years under a CO to speak with the Skid.

Even during SS's SpermLand visitations the SpermIdiot rarely even saw him. SS was cursed to have to spend his time with SpermGrandHag, non-participating SpermGrandPa and the three  younger also out of wedlock SpermIdiot spawned half sibs by two other baby mamas.

I would have actually preferred if he had actually participated in the Skid's life. No kid should have to live under the realization that their father couldn't give a flying rat's butt about them. My Skid developed an increasing level of clarity regarding the shallow and polluted end of his gene pool over the years but it wasn't until he turned 18 and aged out from under the CO that final clarity was delivered. Following his last CO'd visitation no one in the SpermClan called him or had any contact with him for nearly a year. After that the only contact they have with him is to beg him to send money to help support his three  younger SPermIdiot spawned half sibs.

He just ignores them and lives his life. It still chaps my butt to this day how pukeworthy that entire half of his gene pool is.