Healthy or abusive?
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If you and your spouse are not getting along because of stepkids behavior and disrespect or an invasive ex, is it healthy for your divorced husband/wife to completely cut you out of their kids life completely even though all along they said their child is like your own child and you should treat them as such? Funny how the child is only considered your child when things are going smoothly and you are complying with all of their needs. How dare you speak up about anything then all of a sudden you are completely cut out of everyones life as if you do not exist all of a sudden.
I think sometimes is healthy
I think sometimes is healthy if your spouse is also able set limits and boundaries for SKs and invasive ex that are agreed by both parties. It is kind of asking you to disengage because to avoid problems due to SKs. Also she will be taking the full responsability and load of the SKs onto herslef and you can then choose to help or to not get involved.
Funny thing is that many times this decisions are time inconsistent, as you say now that it is better for him/her to have you disengaged they cut you out but later (and beofre) when it was better for him/her to have you involved then they expect you to treat them like your own kids.
I would advise you to disengage and in the future point to this inconsistencies and choose to help get involved as much as you want.
I agree - it’s abusive.
I agree - it’s abusive.
If you’re currently going through this, I am so sorry.
Your ex is under no
Your ex is under no obligation to let you continue a relationship with her children.
Perhaps she feels that this would be confusing for them. And, if your ex is controlling and abusive, as implied in previous posts, it's probably just as well that you cut all ties so she doesn't put her children in the middle and use them as pawns.
Sure she's under no
Sure she's under no obligation to allow him to see her kids but then why did she allow him to believe those were his kids during the whole relationship (not only to his kids but also him as well). You can't have it both ways. And do you really think it is be fitting those kids by cutting a person who was close to them out of their lives?
Unless he adopted her
Unless he adopted her children it was ridiculous for him to think he would continue to have contact with the kids when the relationship ended.
What he is expecting is no different from the BMs that hang onto former inlaws after a breakup/divorce.
I agree however I think his
I agree however I think his point is (I think) is that his ex was hypocritical because when they were together she expected him to accept her children as his own, not as his stepkids, which is unhealthy and she had them calling him dad and told him they were his kids, and he should not treat them as his stepkids which is unrealistic. I think he was pointing out the hypocrisy of her behavior and expectations.then whenever they would have disagreements she would cut them out of his life. So much for him being their "dad" lol.
These birth moms do whatever
These birth moms do whatever pleases them. They use their kids as an excuse to be abusive and vindictive. Then using their kids as an excuse for "doing what's best for them" is a complete joke.
Neither
It's their kid as you have no right to them. Part of being a step/non bio
Stating the obvious however
Stating the obvious however then don't allow someone to pretend those are "their kids" during the entire relationship. Also if the kids still want contact with this person it seems cold, vindictive and selfish to deny them of it.
Most definately abusive. And
Most definately abusive. And it should be attacked visciously with every legal, financial, and socially embarrasing tool at the PAS'd parents disposal. If it is the blended family opposition doing the abusive crap.
If it is an active spouse and your SKs, you pretty much have no recourse other than to move on to a new life adventure leaving the idiot STBX wallowing in the consequences of their actions.