I am the crazy one
I am bipolar, I take meds for it. I have awful mood swings. (get ready to TMI maybe)
The meds help alot, but around that time of the month it gets a lot worse and the meds do help but not totally.
If its just me and DH and its that time of month I am pretty good. But lately if SD is over I am over the edge. I want to just explode, I am angry and annoyed easily by her. (only when I am on my girly time, the rest of the time its pretty chill).
Last time I locked my self in my room, ignored the world, and was really mad. When she left I was fine. (I feel really evil for even admitting it, because it wasn't her fault but I didn't even want to see her face.)
Now my question is, would it be mean for me to ask DH to make sure SD isn't around when I am pms'ing. Like if its our weekend for him to reschedule. I know I need to get myself under control, I am working on that. But just right now its not gonna work. Or should I just lock myself away in my cave and be annoyed alone?
I get it (I TRULY do) but I
I get it (I TRULY do) but I don't think it would be fair to ask him to reschedule his weekends. I think you need to find something to do when she is there. Don't just lock yourself away and be annoyed, use that time to do something positive and constructive, away from her.
I guess haha I thought it was
I guess haha I thought it was selfish too. I just think I feel bad if I am at home at all she is right there, like my SHADOW!!! And if I leave without her it hurts her feelings. So i just lock myself in my room (she thought I was sick) and sulk lol.
Maybe I should just double my meds and hope for the best JK JK.
Can you tell your husband how
Can you tell your husband how you're feeling and ask that he keeps his child busy and away from you a bit?
When I was pregnant I was extra hormonal and suddenly felt really annoyed with my stepdaughter who lives with us full-time. Rather than snap on her all the time, I talked to my husband, had him read some research on how common the situation actually is (being hormonal with unrelated kids during pregnancy) and asked that he helped keep her out of my space for the duration of my pregnancy. I did, however, make sure to take advantage of any "good" days I had and spend them with her entirely so she didn't think I no longer liked her or something.
I think a compromise is what's needed here.
Yes I can DH isn't much fun
Yes I can DH isn't much fun lol. He try but his idea of fun is help me load some hay down at the barn lol.
SD isnt much on the farm life, but DH isn't much on the fun life. He works 24/7 it seems like. Maybe I need to train him better on being a fun dad lol. Thank goodness its only a few days a month. and luckily it does not always hit when she is here.
I think I am feeling guilty about last time being so absent, I love the kid yes but she drove me nuts. And I don't want to put her thru me hiding again ( I think she knew she is 13 almost). Why can't I just not be a butthole wish I knew
Absolutely not okay. I
Absolutely not okay. I totally understand mental illness but your husband should see his daughter on her scheduled time regardless of how you feel. You can go out or spend time with friends/family but "dad has a bipolar wife and i'm not allowed over when she's on her period" sounds awful, doesn't it?? Obviously she wouldn't know but it's not fair.
I agree, I am just to the
I agree, I am just to the point were if I am home SD is right there. Or if I leave without her it hurts her feelings.
At some point I feel like its harder on her to be there with me in a grumpy mood avoiding her, Then hey care if we change weekends.
I have been told to suck it up, and just pretend to be nice, but that doesn't work. I try, and it just makes me worse.
Can you be honest with her?
Can you be honest with her? I know I tell my kids "mom has really bad PMS right now, so leave me alone!! You have been warned!"
Check into a hotel. I did
Check into a hotel. I did for the entire weekend last time the Skids were over and it was WONDERFUL!! I was relaxed, not stressed. I came back to the house Sunday after I knew they would be in bed.
I feel yah. I am currently
I feel yah.
I am currently diagnosed as Bipolar type 2 with psychotic features as well as having panic disorder. I also struggle with sleep issues and night terrors. Personally I think the type 2 is wrong as I present more depressive and the sleep issues are not relating to mania.
I am medicated and monitored by a doctor and have a therapist on standby when I need them.
That being said I realize that this is my battle. Yes there are times that I have to buck up for the kids and push through. However there are also times that I hide away in the bedroom and SO plays pinball to keep the kids from me.
We share our home and I LOVE the kids. I would NEVER think to ask him to not see them or keep them out of our home because of me. I try to consider what would we do if BM wasn't in the picture. How would we act if he was the only parent or if the children were ours. Maybe getting BM to switch is possible BUT I would be to afraid she'd try to use it to reduce SO's custody time "Well she's so unstable the kids can't be around her at x times" does not go over well. I already worry someone will use my "illness" against me and there's no way I would hand that evidence over to BM.
Our room is my haven and I'm ok with that. If I really need it my partner understands me "running" away for the day. It has nothing to do with the kids. It's me and I have to learn how to handle it without inconveniencing him.
When I was growing up my mother was a little "different" to. We just learned when mom needed her space. She also got good with "I love you but your voice is hurting my ears right now." My mother has migraines to help explain that. She would also just say "hey I need my space" and we learned to respect that. Personally I think everyone should learn to respect that people need space and time to themselves.
I don't think you have to hide away all weekend but its on you guys to figure out how to handle that.
It is Not ok to ask your
It is Not ok to ask your husband to remove his child OR move his child from her home OR to a different part of the house when she is there.
Not to sound like an ass but I must ask, why did you marry a man with a child knowing your limitations?
I'm going to bet the
I'm going to bet the limitation wasn't in place when she got married.
That's the issue with mental illness. Just like any other illness they don't stay stable. They get worse or better at random. Your overall health can impact them. Medication can stop working. New problems can show up. If you get stressed at work it gets worse. If your getting older they can change. You really have no idea what tomorrow brings.
For example. My panic disorder was really bad at the last place I worked. After changing jobs it decreased a lot so my partner never really saw it at it's worse. Then out of no where this past month I've had two full blown attacks for no clear reasoning.
That being said it's her home too. I agree she shouldn't say the kids can't be around or only on days that work for her BUT it's fine to have your space. It's fine for the living room to be hers alone during x amount of reasonable time.. The kid has a room they can be in. However there are times that OP should just hide out in her room. It's about give and take.
But you are sick, so tell her
But you are sick, so tell her you're staying away or going out without her because you're sick. It's not a lie; mental illness IS an illness, and sometimes "quarantine" is warranted.
Similar to a physical illness, I wouldn't ask for a change in visitation unless it were TRULY necessary. For example, if you had recently done a stint in a mental health ward, it might be good for DH to see SD outside the home just like if you were coming from surgery. Or if you are switching medication and having a really rough go but need supervision/constant support that doesn't warrant hospitalization. That would be no different than someone with a contagious bug or recovering from any other treatment. During situations like that, even intact families might ship their kids away, so I don't think it's necessarily wrong to do it in a "broken" family. But the issue needs to be SERIOUS where you can't fully control yourself. Locking yourself away over a weekend may not be ideal, but none of us like it when we are physically ill to be locked away, either. It's just part of having any illness.
Dontfeedthetrolls, thank you
Dontfeedthetrolls, thank you for sharing.
With Deep Compassion,
GL
Thank you, I've spent years
Thank you,
I've spent years on my own path to better mental health and at the same time I do my best to help others on their path. If I can share to help support someone else I will.
My dad had PTSD and
My dad had PTSD and depression pretty severe and my mother kept us away from him when he was not feeling 'well' so to speak. She would just redirect our attention elsewhere IE go play outside, go watch tv, lets all go to the store, simple things that keep kids busy and let dad sleep/rest in their bedroom. My husband did the same when I got overly hormonal while pregnant. OR I would go to my parent's house for a couple days because at least there were no children that could get hurt feelings because of it.
Can you find a way to "work"
Can you find a way to "work" during that time of the month? On your laptop in your room... you're off limits because you're working? It helped with me and my ex-shadow. I had gotten a second job and literally was working at home a lot more, but she seemed to understand and not bug me when I escaped to my office upstairs (even to lay on the futon, read, and try to forget she was there :D)
I hope it works out for you. It's hard when you care about the kid's feelings yet have to prioritize your own well-being -- which is actually for their sake too. (((hugs)))
The other option is try
The other option is try taking smaller breaks more frequent breaks from her but don’t cut yourself off. I would say once in a while if you feel it is a bad week coming say something. Regardless we ALL have our moments and skids -even good ones take their toll. Heck there are times I could send my own to the other side of the world!!! I would say try a once in a while tactic that you ask for reschedule.. the rest of the time busy yourself or have him busy her.
YES you are the crazy one!!
YES you are the crazy one!! cause you fell in love with a Disney Dad who's balls are in his daughters purse if not with her mother.
No other reasons...
Now I also get very irritated around that time, but I discovered that Evening primrose and St John's Worth is helping the mood swings, also exercising helps allot... get yourself a punching bag you hang in the garage and take all your frustrations out on it, remember to hide SD's face picture you stick onto the punching bag.....
and you can admit it now... your DH is very attractive during PMS... with a fork through his eye and a knife in his heart...
If it were me, I would be
If it were me, I would be semi-honest with SD about how hormones might be affecting you differently around that time of the month.
Maybe have dad there so that he can take over the explanations etc... but I would get the message across that you're more easily irritable around that time of the month, and it's not because of her, that you love her etc, but that sometimes you might need to take a time out so that you can rest your feelings.
She's female, she's going to have to learn this stuff anyway.