OMG, Can I choke him?!
My ex thinks it's appropriate for my 9 and 6 year old boys to crawl into bed with him and his girlfriend.
When I found out, I let him know that it was inappropriate and his response was that he's "been with her for 2 years" (he's away half of the year for work, she doesn't live there) and asks if the boys go into bed with me and my SO (3 years, living together for 1.5). I said NEVER ONCE. Not one single time, if my kid needs me, I got to him in his bed, comfort him and go back to mine. I think it's so incredibly inappropriate and there's no need for a 9 year old to go into a parent's bed anyways, they didn't even do that when EXH and I were together.
And I certainly hope he's not in bed with his GF's little girl,
WTF is wrong with people? Where's the common sense?!
Different people have
Different people have different values, and while I am confident my values are right, I do understand that other people feel the same way about theirs.
That being said, it might be more effective to explain that it is inappropriate for developing boys to share a bed with a non-related woman - excluding anything deliberately evil going on - is because it can only lead to embarrassment. Everyone has a need for privacy, and certainly that applies double in the bed n which one has sex.
Totally don't want to be the
Totally don't want to be the one who mentions it but... 9 year old boys are more than capable of sexual feelings I would imagine, no? I would NOT be comfortable sleeping in bed with an unrelated 9 year old boy. EW. Super weird. Sorry you're dealing with this...
I'm positive that SS, at the
I'm positive that SS, at the age of 9, had a crush on me. At 10, he had figured out porn and discovered depths of the internet that he should not have (DH didn't think it was an issue, so didn't put parental controls in place until it happened at a relative's house).
I would never feel comfortable with a 9 year old that wasn't mine and didn't grow up with me from birth sleeping in the same bed as me. In my opinion, his girlfriend would be wise to not let the co-sleeping continue.
I put my foot down and told
I put my foot down and told ExH that it isn't to happen any longer, period. I've been REALLY a good to him through out our breakup and he's smart to agree with me. I find it weird that she would be ok with it. I never ever would consider letting SS jump in with us, not even when he was 2. He's not mine, it's not the same. I can see if you were in the child's life from birth for some reason, but yeah, no. Not cool.
He said he would respect my wishes, which I think he will. The worst part is that this plus a few other things have me questioning his decision making abilities when he's got the boys. It's not comforting not trusting that he's making smart choices.
From other stepmoms here she
From other stepmoms here she might not be cool with it. She could be relieved.
Well, she may not have been
Well, she may not have been ok with it but didn't want to say she was against it because sometimes bioparents take boundaries as the equal of "I hate your kid".
Honestly, I think it depends on whether you are talking about children sleeping in the bed vs coming in in the AM to wake dad up and in the process are in the bed. Or whether you mean that dad lets them sit in bed and watch movies or something.
Personally, I let my DH know that I wasn't a big fan of kids in the bed. Too small, not enough room. Certainly not for sleeping. But, his younger daughter did come in a few times and watch movies with us sitting ON TOP of the covers (we only had one TV and it was in the bedroom). And, once or twice she jumped in and snuggled her dad.
But, it wasn't a common occurrence at all. though she did sleep with her grandfather until she was probably 9 when she stayed with the grandparents (who slept in separate rooms). Nothing "bad" was happening, but I got her dad to tell her that she was getting too old to sleep with pop.
I think co sleeping is
I think co sleeping is perfectly fine. IN AN INTACT FAMILY. It is just gross and inappropriate in a step situation.
I have been in my SD's life
I have been in my SD's life since she was 5 and she is (obviously) a female and she has NEVER been in my bed. That is just asking for trouble.
You add in opposite sex and puberty? No, no, no, no, no.
SS used to wake up in the
SS used to wake up in the morning and come snuggle into the bed. Mainly because BD 3 was in there too. Usually I'd get out of the bed, because there wasn't any room. He's going to be 13 soon and last night in was watching a movie and despite the huge sectional, he grabbed a pillow and laid on my lap.
I don't find any of that weird or inappropriate.
Of course the more I think
Of course the more I think about it, I'm 28 and if my step dad is in bed (which is like 6:30) and we're leaving both my sisters and I have a tendency to flying leap onto the bed to startle him and say goodbye which is usually followed by a short conversation of this and that. Maybe my family is just really weird.
I also noticed someone complain about adult skids stopping by unannounced which we do, all the time. I think ya'll would probably hate me as a skid lol
someone complain about adult
someone complain about adult skids stopping by unannounced which we do, all the time. I think ya'll would probably hate me as a skid lol
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Yep. lol. But I HATE anyone stopping by unannounced.
I think you're completely
I think you're completely over-reacting. My skids, especially the youngest SS11, often still comes into bed with us in the morning for a cuddle before getting up. It's lovely blended family bonding time and I can't see anything wrong with it. Further, to suggest it's sexual is what I think is inappropriate.
For me, I don't want ANY kids
For me, I don't want ANY kids in my bed. Mine or otherwise. My bedroom is my sanctuary - it's where I have intimacy with DH. It's where I relax. It's where I keep things that are private to me.
It's not so much the cuddling that I find inappropriate, it's the cuddling "in bed".
There are families who have no personal boundaries and share everything... and that's ok... but it's not for me. I need my boundaries. I need that space that I can go to and not be bothered, just like all the kids have their own space in the home where they can escape to without being bothered.
I certainly don't want the kids to come barging in and interrupt my sleep, assuming that just because they're up I must be up too.
I've never used the kids' bedrooms as a time out spot - their bedrooms were never a space used for punishment - I wanted them to enjoy their bedrooms, and know that it was THEIRS... to play, sleep, relax, have privacy, deal with their emotions, etc...
I don't think there's any difference between cuddling in bed and cuddling on the couch - it's WHERE it takes place that would bother me. Not because of anything inappropriate, but rather because it's MY space. Kids take over everything else... I need something that's mine and mine alone. (well and dh's. lol)
Ahhh see for me its not the
Ahhh see for me its not the bed its my bathroom. Children are not allowed in my bathroom.
I don't allow my DH in my
I don't allow my DH in my bathroom...lol. He has to use "his" that is at the end of the hallway. His is also the guest bathroom. I am so mean.
My main motivator for not letting kids in the bed is that they would track in dirt into the sheets. I like me some clean sheets!
I just prefer the idea of
I just prefer the idea of intimacy in our own germs better than in someone else's. I cringe at the idea of laying my head on a pillow covered in kids' drool/boogers/eye crusties and my body rolling around in their possibly pee stained pajama leftovers.
I'm with ya there...lol.
I'm with ya there...lol. Anyway... probably better to set the precedent of "no kids in the bed" because then there is no chance that "oops.. not wearing any clothes... kids out!" will happen.
Am with you OP. SO though it
Am with you OP. SO though it was fine for skids to be in our bed at SS12 and SD13 years of age. For a snuggle, to watch a movie or if they fall asleep in our bed well, that's fine too. This is a red zone for me and I let him know I am not comfortable having kids, including my own in the bed we have red hot sex in (hide the toys!). I sleep nude. His son doesn't bathe. This is my personal space boundary as they already use my bathroom. If you want to go in their bed and watch a movie, go for it but not in my bed.