Happy Holiday - Gotta Stop wearing my heart on My Sleeve: Geesh!!
Happy Holidays everyone....
I will keep this short and sweet! My SD had a birthday for her daughter/my stepgrand-daughter who turned 1 year old. I was not going to go, until my SD started being frantic and crying that I would not be there and telling me I am like a mother figure to her. Well, I changed my plans and went. It was a great time. Fast forward to today. SD calls her her dad on Skype to say Merry Christmas and makes sure DH sees his granddaughter. I am in the other room getting dressed and not one time did I hear SD ask about me OR tell her dad to tell me Merry Christmas. AND DH did not even come and get me to at least let me know that the grandbaby was playing with the toys WE had bought her for her birthday!!
I thought we were pass that??? GEESH!!
CutiePie
Happy holiday to you
Happy holiday to you Cutiepie.
Sometimes you have to let things go - and to me this is one of them. It appears your SD manipulated you to get you to go the SGD birthday party. In the current situation, both your DH and SD didnt think to include you in Christmas wishes. To me there is an equal share of annoyance and inconsideration to be passed to both.
I would let in go, but file the experience away for future reference. You can choose to rise above this and treat your SD (and your DH) with kindness which may be your natural nature, or you can return the favour and treat them as they treat you. However, on the whole I would not let this weigh on my mind or bother me in the long term. Not unless there is a pattern of inconsideration - and with that I would choose not to associate with either of these people.
Myss.Tique D'Off thank you
Myss.Tique D'Off thank you for your words. This has happened before and I have confronted by DH and SD about it. I looked back at a previous post of mine in January of this year and I was basically venting about the same thing I am here....being excluded. DH has expectations of me, wanting me to be that mother figure to her, but then continues to snatch the rug out from under me my pulling this stunt. I've been a part of this inconsideration before and what I've done in the pass to keep from feeling like a yo-yo is to disengage. I honestly find it difficult because I do care about SD and stepgrand.
Love is not manipulation or inconsideration. I will continue to be me.....BUT....from a distance.
I've been where you are. For
I've been where you are. For years, my husband said he wanted SD and me to be closer, but every time he sent SD a card, he'd just sign it and send it off, never asking me to sign it. When it wasn't him excluding me, it was her. And who could blame her when he tried so hard to make a world without me for her? I bent over backward to make her wedding nice, doing the crap work no one else would do. That was the test - it was either going to change after that or it wouldn't. When we slid right back to the same old treatment after the wedding, I disengaged.
In your case, because you say you really care for SD, engage when you want, disengage when you want. That's what they're doing in regard to you. For me, I think half engagement would still leave me with hurt feelings - it had to be all or nothing. But maybe if you invest less, you'll expect less and that will protect your feelings a little more.
That is familiar. Sometimes
That is familiar. Sometimes I'm "in" the family. SD sent me a video of the grands singing happy birthday to me, and it was adorable. Much appreciated. and a nice surprise that SD remembered my birthday. I don't expect that, and it's fine that she doesn't always remember.
Sometimes I'm "out" of the family. We didn't spend Christmas with SD and kids, but she and DH talked and texted. A lot. I was in the room for one of the calls, and I, in a festive mood, started singing a christmas song in the background--DH walked out of the room because I wasn't meant to be part of the call. Yet, the previous evening when he talked with SS, he handed me the phone presuming I would want to talk with him. I don't get it.
I never know when I'm wanted and when I'm not. DH says I'm always welcome, but it's clear from even his OWN actions that I am not. So if I feel like participating with skids or grands, I do (although I am not always welcome), and if I don't feel like participating, I don't (and my absence has been called as hurtful). I can't know, and I can't win. So I stopped trying to please anybody, including DH. I'm pretty good at letting it all go, but now and then I still get irritated at the stupidity.
Don't allow them to make you
Don't allow them to make you feel any particular way! Be true to yourself ( my situation is very similar to yours). I took control of the relationships by: always remain calm, only cook if i "feel" like it and spend nights away with friends. I will not be manipulated by them. i found that once I took control of my life and did not consider them and their needs all the time I felt much better. good luck