How often does your significant other speak to Ex-Spouse ? How old are children?

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How often does your significant other speak to Ex-Spouse ? How old are children?
My husband has one in middle school and one elementary school. He speaks to his ex EVERYDAY. Sometimes many times a day. I don't see how there could be that much to speak about everyday about the kids. They are old enough to speak for themselves. I feel very hurt and I just don't think they can let go of their relationship.

Honestly BM and DH pretty

Honestly BM and DH pretty much stopped talking years ago. #1 the skids were all old enough to speak for themselves. The skids weren't really involved in anything school related, sports related or anything else that would require BM and DH to speak. Plus BM would be verbally abusive to DH so once I came into the picture and enlightened DH on that, he stopped communicating with her unless absolutely necessary.

My BS is 12 and I don't communicate with his dad that often. More so when BS was younger. But Ex isn't involved in BS's day to day life so there isn't anything to talk about.

What does your SO talk to his ex about every day? I can't imagine what needs to be communicated about every day. Some parents can't just give up control and let the other parent, parent during their time.Or they are so afraid they are going to miss something in their child's life that they feel like they have to communicate with the other parent during their time.

Is it BM contacting your SO, or your SO contacting BM or is it equal?

What does your SO say when you tell him this upsets you?

Depends on their relationship

Depends on their relationship - I mean if they're on good terms. My ex and I remained very close after he moved out and we're still close. He's married now and I have a SO - we all get together with our kids for holidays, birthdays, etc. He and I don't talk on the phone everyday anymore but there was a time that he called every night to check on me and our kids. It was very innocent. His wife (girlfriend at the time) accepted our relationship as it was and knew she had nothing to worry about. Matter of fact, I got close with her too - we would hang out sometimes and get our mani's & Pedi's together.

One problem is she refuses to

One problem is she refuses to meet me or have anything to do with me. She has no respect for our relationship even ~ though it's been many many years. She has texted him nasty messages that she can tell he is not happy with me and so much BS I have had to deal with her sending him selfies of her and the kids. Her texting and calling ALL THE TIME.
She is Jealous and In fear the step kids will love me more. She will not allow me to pick up or drop off the children to her or school.
She was the one that cheated on DH multiple times. She drills the kids about what they do when they are wilth us so she can yell at DH about this and that.

My ex came to our home for Thanksgiving. Things would be so different if she just acted like an adult.

He refusing to meet you or

He refusing to meet you or allow you to have anything to do with the skids is a red flag. She wants to act like you don't exist.

She refuses. I think it will

She refuses. I think it will be more real to her that I exist and am a part of their lives.

This is a huge red flag. She

This is a huge red flag. She wants to control and possess him. She is trying to undermine your relationship.

I'm not a jealous person at all, and neither is DH. In fact, me and DH have meals with my ex and all the kids at least a few times a year, and when BM left DH for Mealticket, he took them out to breakfast at least once a month. When DH and I started dating, I wanted the relationship tiger7 described, but our BM is a psychopath, and behaved the way yours and strugglingSM's BM behaved. She was jealous, tried to pretend I didn't exist, talked crap about me constantly. She'd been abusing DH on the phone since they separated, and he didn't like it, but he was afraid of her and felt like he was being a good father by attempting to be amicable with her.

She was calling him an average of 4x/day, up to 14x/day, blowing up his phone with crazy accusations and drama. When he moved in with me, she ruined several family get togethers blowing up my home telephone, screaming at him so loud everyone in the room could hear, so they all left. She had a couple of tantrums on my front porch and at one point stuck her foot in the door when we tried to close it.

At first he tried to tell her to stop it, but she wouldn't. So I had him print out his company's policy on personal phone calls and take it to the police station, and file a harassment report. The police were lazy and didn't want to be bothered, so I told them we would come back every day until something was done about it. We told them his coworkers were complaining (they were). They took the report and called BM and told her to stop it or she would be arrested. She went [more] nuts.

She cut off DH's visitation, so he filed for a specific visitation schedule, and for a no-contact order. She accused him of trying to disrupt her life. :? Projection much? Her behavior continued to escalate, and she ended up losing custody altogether.

All scheduling information is posted in Google Calendar, where she has viewing privileges but no write permission. BM is expected to get all school information directly from the school. If she needs something, she's supposed to email, but sometimes she texts. Not so much though, because she's stupid and her texts and emails have gotten her in a lot of trouble. She's not allowed to call his cell but she tries sometimes. We have Mr Number installed on his phone, and it traps her cell calls. She never calls the home phone anymore because she suspects we record her calls (heh). When Killjoy needs to talk to her, she calls BM from our home phone or DH's cell. Killjoy doesn't like talking on the phone, so the calls are brief. Both numbers display my name in the caller ID (heh heh). We were videotaping all exchanges, which also drove her nuts, but now she does all the pickup and dropoff in our driveway and is not allowed to get out of her car.

The first time he stood up to her he was terrified but then when we kept stuffing her he found it very empowering. He is so much happier now with her BS out of his life.

If she's sending your DH

If she's sending your DH messages about his personal life (i.e. that she knows he's not happy with you), then he shouldn't be speaking to her at all. She is still emotionally married to him.

If I were him, I'd be happy to be rid of her.

When I met my DH, he was speaking to BM daily. She was calling him to berate him or complain about her life. I was like, "why do you take her calls if you don't want to speak to her and why do you continue to allow her to abuse you?" He told me he thought if she could call and be angry at him, then she would be nicer to the kids. I told him that he should let her new husband be her whipping boy. He didn't need to play that role for her anymore.

I agree with the post above. If they don't have a toxic relationship and if one ex isn't still emotionally longing for the other, then talking regularly shouldn't be a problem. I still think talking daily is a bit much if the kids are over the age of 10, but I'm not a big phone person. I basically talk to my parents and that's it. Occasionally, I'll talk to a friend on the phone, but I'm not a big fan of talking on the phone.

We live 2000+ miles away from

We live 2000+ miles away from BM, so DH and BM only “talk” maybe twice a year, because visitation and travel plans to be made. And even then, they’re not speaking by phone - it’s by email or text. BM is incapable on talking on the phone with DH without screaming and hanging up on him. She’s extremely high conflict, so parallel parenting it is.

BM will blast him via email a few times a year, but he ignores her.

In the beginning, though, it was DAILY. Many texts throughout the day. DH allowed it until his attorney said he didn’t have to put up with it.

He also says they are

He also says they are "Co-parenting" I think it's more of "codependency"...

Sounds like it.

Yeah, this isn’t normal.

He's telling me he does not

He's telling me he does not want a strict business type relationship with BIO. That's not how he wants to raise his kids "it's not healthy" the kids shouldn't feel like "their parents hate each other".
Yet ~ it's ok for the kids to feel like their mom hates step mom?

He wants his cake and eat it too...

I think it's better for kids

I think it's better for kids to understand the realities of their parents' relationship then to live with a charade.

Sometimes, it can be more confusing for CoD if their children seem to be great friends...they often wonder why their parents couldn't stay together if they get along so well.

I think "many times a day" is

I think "many times a day" is ridiculous and don't blame you for feeling they haven't let go of each other. If they need to speak many times a day - I would want to know just WHAT they were talking about, I think. Once per week might be reasonable, considering the children's ages, but even this is pushing it. Personally, my DH never speaks to BM, well, once in a blue moon. For many years they never spoke at all.

I have a 11 year old SS and

I have a 11 year old SS and the only time when my husbands ex calls is if their is issues with SS other than that nothing or an occasional text. I think this is fair. Also...I have been with my husband going on 6 years and the only time I met her was one time at court because she refuses to meet me. LOL! she even tells my SS that she doesn't want to met me hahaha childish. I would call him out on this. I would give him an ultimatum.

Yeah ~ she what I call

Yeah ~ she what I call "harasses" him ~ calls EVERYDAY while he is working. He tells her he can;t answer because he is working yet she Keeps calling. If he doesn't answer or get back to her within mins... he gets the text that he HATES his children. It's insane. She texts and calls about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING.
She sent him a text of a picture frame that read "Daddy and ME" asking him if he wanted it he could have it for free and he could put a picture in it of him and the kids. 10 O'CLOCK at night! We were in bed.
I told him I don't want ANYTHING I would look at and think of HER ~ in my home.

She calls and texts ANYTHING to get attention and a reply.
It's been over 3 years we have been together. Still she doesn't give up and he doesn't set boundaries 100% so she just keeps on doing it. It seems neither one wants to let go. She's remarried with a bunch of new babies. She doesn't work so she has all the time in the world to harass him. He says she's just being nice and informing him about the kids. NO ~ THIS IS NUTS... And it's making me nuts.

Yup, BM in my life used to do

Yup, BM in my life used to do that. He would text, "I can't talk, I'm at work" and she would keep calling and then send texts.

Still on occasion, even though they don't talk as much, BM will text him for *hours* at a time...once she texted him continuously for six hours..always with the message that if he doesn't talk to her, he doesn't love his children. The last hours long text stream was about how she promised some kid a ride home from SS's football game on DH's weekend and she wanted DH to take the kid home (even though we were the only family not going back to the hometown after the game).

She even told the kids, "your dad doesn't respond to my texts because he hates me" and then the kids were like, "dad, why don't you respond to mom's texts?!" I wanted to say to them, when you answer a question one time, you don't need to answer the same question six.more.times. Or your dad has every right to ignore texts from your mom that have nothing to do with you.

She'll even try to pick fights with him, just to get a response.

She's remarried, so I'd love to know what her husband thinks of the fact that she used to spend so much time talking to her ex husband.

SO has minimal contact with

SO has minimal contact with the ex but he's polite. There's the biweekly "I'm on my way" and "who's picking up the kids." Then if there's something going on like some sport event or party there is communication about that but for the most part all communication is directly related to the kids.

RARELY well she call looking for sympathy about something. SO is polite but keeps the conversations short. He always focuses on how will it impact the kids. Recently he talked with her about her dating behavior and asked her to stop introducing every Tom, Dick, and Harry to get kids.

Now and then BM will send a picture of something going on in the kids life like when she colors one of the kids hair or if something major happens at the house. They had a bad storm and a large tree was knocked down in the back yard.

Really it doesn't bother me too much because it doesn't directly impact me nor is it over the top. He's good about being polite without being sucked into her attempts of whatever. I don't think she's even trying to cause drama with the random things. She just wants to share and he's one of the people she knows. I can kind of understand.

The kids are almost 5 and 8.

This is not contact or

This is not contact or communication - this is abuse. Your husband is allowing it.

It is true that some people do not know how to treat others or how to communicate properly, but most people will see that the ex wife is way out of line.

Your husband should shut it down as it is starting to affect your home life. You may want to look into something like "Our Family Wizard" as a tool for keep track of all communication and scheduling. Your husband has to learn that he doesnt have to put up with a crazy ex wife to keep the affection of his children. Her behavior is so far out of line it is criminal!

They simply don’t need to

They simply don’t need to speak that much. It sounds like they are having an emotional affair. Sorry

It's called emotional

It's called emotional enmeshment. Legally and physically, they are divorced. Emotionally, the are still married big time. There is no reason that your DH needs to talk to his XW on a daily basis. It is just that he WANTS to. Your DH is still, in his mind, with his XW.

You are meeting his physical needs and home needs but she is meeting a large part of his emotional needs and is very much still in the picture. This is a triangle and you are the unwilling third piece.

You have to decide if you are comfortable with this or not. Your DH needs to decide who he wants to be married to because right now he has two wives. If he continues on like this, you need to decide what you're happy living with.

My GF talks to BD i would say

My GF talks to BD i would say maybe 3-4 times a year....He did come and pickup his daughter and take her to dinner and shopping a couple months ago. First time he had seen her in about 2yrs. He hasn't called, texted or anything since either. Not a peep. Its weird actually to me...

But the jist of it is almost no contact.

I could give a rip who my

I could give a rip who my husband texts or talks to. We both have our phones password protected. I couldn't get into his if I wanted to and why would I?

That sounds shady...

That would really piss me off

That would really piss me off if my DH talked to BM every single day! You have every right to be upset about that.

I have a middle schooler and

I have a middle schooler and an elementary two schooler. So let's see. Yesterday I got a text about what the dentist said. Dd12 is ready for braces. Dd10 has bad oral hygiene but no cavities and complained endlessly to the dentist that she hates school so much that the dentist had to say something to ex. Tuesday he said he needed Dd8's tae Kwon Do uniform. Today he said Dd12 had her application approved for a panel at the comicon in January . So yes I guess he texts once a day about kid stuff but it's only kid stuff. Only!!! And we do half and half

I have 50/50 with my ex. It

I have 50/50 with my ex. It really depends on what is happening how often we communicate. BS11 goes to school in the district I live, I gave ex all information, he usually does not follow up so I will occasionally let him know if something is going on with school. We do picks ups and drop offs via school except in holidays. I would say we go weeks with no communication. If there is a docs appointment or something I will call/text to let him know and call/text with follow up if necessary. So I would say we have a conversation via text or phone maybe once a month or so.

After the divorce they hardly

After the divorce they hardly spoke to each other for years, they can't stand each other, this is the reason Aergia got away with everything cause she knew she can....

they only spoke in August a couple off words

They should not be talking.

They should not be talking. It should be e mail or texts
They have not emotionally devorice each other.. The kid thing is an excuse.

This was my DH when we

This was my DH when we started dating. They were not emotionally divorced despite what he believed. It got really bad between us until the point that I walked out. He realized and changed after that. Was a bumpy ride because she would guilt him and make him feel like a bad father for moving on. But here we are 2 years and some counselling later and he only talks to her about vacation dates, monthly expenses and occasional school or medical issues.

This was my DH when we

My BFF went thru a traumatic

My BFF went thru a traumatic divorce 30+ years ago. She came home from shopping one day to discover that her DH had moved out. They had a 5 year old and a 6 month old baby. He had been having an affair with a married woman before, during and after their marriage who he eventually married.

He's a total ahole in my opinion who also had affairs with most of his friends' wives. Such a tool. But she maintained "good" relations with him no matter what he did to her. She also slept with him for years.

Their children are now in their 30s. They continue to talk daily sometimes for an hour or two. He's still "happily" remarried to the woman he cheated with. She never remarried - nor has she ever even had a relationship with another man.

I think it's very sick.

Does it bother you? That

Does it bother you? That should be the most important question. If you are feeling bad due to the extensive communication, than your spouse should acknowledge your feelings and they should back off some. I would be most concerned with the sharing of his feelings about you. There should never be any discussion about your relationship with the ex. Party Foul.

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How often does your significant other speak to Ex-Spouse ? How old are children?