Your mother is most likely left with nothing because he refused to divorce. I would be more worried about that than the obit details.

I'm sorry for your mother that she took a backseat to his wife during his life and now also during his death. This must be a very hard time for her. I hope he had some forethought to make sure that your mother would be taken care of.

My condolences on the passing of your stepfather.

I'm actually thinking the obit isn't so bad. They included your mother and your family. When my mother's SO (together 22yrs, my father died and SO divorced his 1st wife years before and his 2nd wife was also deceased), wrote his own obituary. He pre-paid and planned his entire funeral and burial. He didn't trust his adult daughter to write it and didn't want his daughter to give Mother any problems over it.

I'm sure the wife and the biological children will give your mother a tough go. I can also picture the wife standing up over the casket crying hysterical and all but pitching herself in the burial plot. *rolls eyes*

I will assume , being they were unmarried (and him still married) that they made sure your mother would be set fairly alright after his death? My mother and her So purposely did not marry because of his adult daughter. And the plan always was my Mother would be buried (she's still living and doing quite well) with my father and that SO would be taken to out of state where his 2nd wife is buried. Mother also never gave up her own home she had owned with my father, while her So kept the home he had built with his 2nd wife. Mother , of course, had her own money (plus my father's) and retirement funding.

My mother's SO's daughter was a total witch , but her father knew his daughter well and knew she would be. Things were legally set up to keep her controlled behavior wise. She was quite shocked to learn her father had given my mother complete charge , but he knew he could not trust his daughter. Sure he loved the daughter, all her warts and faults, but he was a wise man.

Be sure to spend some time with your mom when you get back in the country. I'm sure she will need a bit of emotional support.

She will need lots of support. This happened to a friend of mine whose partner died very suddenly, left her with loads of debt to do with household bills etc and when she went to the hospital to collect his clothes and belongings she wasn't allowed to take them as they belonged to the wife he had never divorced.
He had nothing to leave except a load of household debts my friend had to pay off as they were in joint names- but at the funeral it was wife and daughter who were chief mourners, not my friend and her family, who had no status whatsoever.
My friend still won't hear a word said against him- she lives in a fantasy world where they were just going to get engaged, he was going to start the divorce proceedings etc etc. He had no plans to do anything such thing.
Now my friend has to work well past retirement age to pay off her mortgage and cannot afford any luxuries. She devoted her fifteen years of her life to him and what did she get? No man is worth that.

I'm sorry for the loss of your "stepfather." However, the obit does seem to be accurate. I'm actually surprised that whoever wrote it included your mother as "companion" and her family as survivors. That alone would be humilitating for a wife, since it clearly indicates to the world that her husband was with someone else. This is just what happens when someone is with another person who's married. I know a lot of those folks like to say, "it's just a piece of paper," (and I'm not saying that's what was said in your mom's instance) but in reality, it's NOT just a piece of paper, but a legal document. That would be like someone being estranged from their bio parents and deciding to call two other people "mom" and "dad." Unless there are adoption proceedings, then the bio parents are still the parents if the person passes away, not the people he or she chose to call parents.

Again, I'm sorry for your loss. I'm sure your mother will need lots of support.

I think this was the nicest obituary you could have hoped for. Companion is more polite than "affair partner" or "mistress" and his wife could have put either in the write up if she wanted.

I was also confused by the "never remarried" remark. Hard to remarry when you are already married.

I am sorry for your mom but it was her choice to stay in this relationship. She should consult a lawyer. There have been some high profile cases of successful men giving large gifts to their mistresses and the wife has been legally allowed to repossess the mistresses cars, houses, etc because you can't give away community property during the marriage without the wife's consent. It was either repossess or repay the wife fair value for those items I can't remember which one.

I am very sorry for your Mother's loss; it must be very difficult. I would focus on her comfort and supporting her during this difficult time of grief. Grief is a long process and very personal. Be there for your Mom and let everything else about your Step-father's past be just that, "the past".

The relationship between your Mom and SDad is something nobody can take from your Mom. I would trash the obituary and be there for your Mother from this day forward.

Now, I'm going to be evil: If my DH goes before me, I will write an obituary that will knock their socks off. DH and I have our own life, but as truth hurts, I know he never let go of his past. We have been married almost 38 years (his first marriage was 23 years); with that said, I will make sure all of his past is in his obituary, just to show my evil SD that I really don't give a hoot. BM is welcome to sit in the front row with me, along with my three grown Skids and their ugly families; I'm going to shock all of them, without a word! This will be my way of letting it go.

I have been put thru H..ll the past 15 years and I don't forget easily, so hope they are prepared for KARMA, because I'm going to help her out a little.

I love my DH dearly and will always take are of him (he is disabled and has been most of our married life), but he and SD never let the past go, so I will put the icing on the cake for them, if I get a chance. }:)

You see I have shed tears and experienced grieve (30+ years) since my DH became disabled, and expected me to put up with his and SD's world, even though I tried every way to make DH happy and help him let it go. He is still in love (to an extent) with BM and of course SD is a model mini wife. The facts are the facts and it hurts deeply, but I am a survivor and very bitter, as well as I chose to stay and give my love and care to this man, with no benefits returned.

I hurt for your Mom, because your SDad chose money over the devoted love your Mom gave to him; because he didn't divorce and give her the honor that she deserved. The facts are what they are, such as in my case, so let it go and take care of your Mom. Hugs to you all.

My condolences to you and your family.

OBIT looks nice.

Neither of my parents remarried. They divorced with I turned 18. My dad had lady friends whom he traveled a lot with and my mom also had a gentlemen friend who she traveled with.

When my dad passed away (FYI) my mother started receiving his social security. It was a God send to her. I know your Mom is hurting he never divorced and so are you I am sure..... but maybe, just maybe in the privacy of adult relationships THEY had the discussion about not getting married. Your Mom may take her private times with her forever.

Somethings us kids EVEN when we are adults, do not know every detail about our parents.

Just something to think about, ok?

Again I am very sorry.

stepmama---it is time for your boyfriend to do something. YOUR hosed at this point.

Your mom is sadly not a consideration and has no influence in any of this unless her deceased SO clearly named her in the Will. Even then depending on what state they lived in the wife may get it all as the spouse.

Considering the interesting relationship dynamics in play the obit is reasonable IMHO.

My condolences on loss of your SF.