Thanksgiving Dilemma DH or exH?

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By now you guys probably know my wacky story. DH and I live in two separate houses about 1.5 hrs apart. See each other half weekends and 2 nights a week. We now spend all the time at my house bc I refuse to drive anymore. He hems and haws over selling his house so shite, I'm not driving anymore.
Past thanksgivings I have trotted off to his family about 3 hrs one way, leaving my elderly parents to have dinner with MY EX and kids local. Last year ex away so I begged off and had the day with my parents. DH arrived late that night. He by the way has a HUGE family.
So, this year here's the layout. My mom is out of state babysitting for my sister who is out of country. 87 year old father alone. He loves my dh, but will not consent to drive to dh's family, thank God!!
Ex will be home alone as HIS gf away. Our 3---20ish kids will be home.
My plan? Have thanksgiving with the motley bunch. My elderly father, kids and ex. Dh can come later. BTW-- he and ex get along great. I have been divorced like 17 years already.
So thoughts?
This is same dh that invited estranged daughters to event we had shared together for 10 years. I would not mention this when I discuss this plan, but what the hell.
I plan on telling dh that I am staying put with my father and I bought airline ticket for my daughter to fly in those 4 days.

Normally, I would say that

Normally, I would say that you should alternate celebrating the holiday between your family and DH's, but your elderly father is sort of the wild card.

Your father is 87, so I'm not surprised he doesn't want to drive 3 hours for a meal.

Does your DH ever spend Thanksgiving with your family or always with his? If always with his and he's fine with you spending Thanksgiving with your family, then it seems like you have your answer. If he'd like you to spend some Thanksgivings with his family, then I think you should alternate, but maybe not starting this year, since your father would be alone.

In future years, your kids and your ex should be fine having a dinner without you. However, given that your parents are older, I would probably err at spending more holidays with them, since they won't be around forever. Maybe every third year you spend Thanksgiving with DH's family and then one of the two off years, your DH comes out to spend Thanksgiving with your family.

I have a similar problem in that BM "doesn't celebrate Thanksgiving" according to DH (I think that just means she's too lazy to make a Thanksgiving dinner herself and her parents do their own thing on Thanksgiving, because really, what American doesn't celebrate Thanksgiving?). Consequently, BM expects DH to take his kids every Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday and my family does a big celebration. It pains me enough to miss it every other year, but I refuse to skip it altogether to spend every holiday with DH's family. Taking SSs with us would a) cost us at least $1000 for two additional plane tickets; b) mean that I would be managing them and entertaining them rather than enjoying my own holiday (fine, I suppose, if they are your own children, but they're my stepkids, so not fine for me). DH also has his kids every Christmas Day meaning he will never spend Christmas with my family (he doesn't get the kids until 10am on Christmas Day and my family lives on the other side of the country, so getting there for Christmas is impossible). Therefore, I've put my foot down and insisted that DH alternate Thanksgiving (as dictated in their CO), so that he can spend at least one holiday with my family.

Being a SM has made me dread holidays. When my SSs are older I think DH and I will start a new tradition and go away by ourselves every Christmas...he probably won't go for this, but it would be so nice to not have to try to plan around BM.

Spend it with your dad and

Spend it with your dad and kids. This is making family memories for them and as long as your ex understands boundaries, there's no problem.

Yes I agree. There is

Yes I agree. There is nothing between ex and I. Sometimes friends sometimes adversaries. But he and I view each other as family and he treats my parents well. As does my dh.

Spend it with your dad. I

Spend it with your dad. I went to the funeral of an 89 year old close friend yesterday. Two weeks ago she was vibrant and full of life.

I also agree with the others,

I also agree with the others, spend it with your dad. Truthfully, it sounds as if your heart has already made the decision, go with it! When you do things with your heart, what ever the fallout from such a decision, you know you did so with love and how can that be wrong? Heck you can make the simplest meal when you have friends/family over, but when the food is made with love, it tastes so good! Even an apple when is handed to you with love is amazing.