Don't take this the wrong way....But you have nothing in this fight. It is not your job nor your responsibility to be informed of the Skids activities.

Now I do understand, if you DH is taking them to and from activities and you need to plan dinners, appointments or other things. I understand you desire to know. However, it doesn't appear your DH wants you involved in the Skids activities.

Therefore, you are free to do as you please. Plan you own agenda in the evenings. If your DH forgets to tell you about Little Johnnies Baseball game....Great, you have a free evening to meet up with your friends for a glass of wine. Or go to the gym...or even have a night at home in the nice relaxing quiet and read a book.

You do not have any reason to be included on group texts or emails with BM. That is asking for a lifetime of drama, servitude and hell.

Count your blessings you aren't being forced to participate.

I expect DH to tell me if something will impact me, but I don't want to be copied on texts or emails to or from BM. I don't want her to have my contact information. As long as no one expects me to go, I really don't care if I'm not informed about SSs' activities. Not knowing actually makes it easier to disengage.

I used to get offended if DH didn't know about things. For example, BM would send a group email to her family and DH's family about school or sporting events, without telling him advance. She would even reach out to see if family members (including DH's) wanted to "contribute any money" to fund those activities. It bothered me that he was finding out about award ceremonies or sporting events at the same time as his brother (who was not close to BM) or after the fact as part of a group email. Now, I just shrug and move on. BM is tacky like that and apparently, DH's family is not uncomfortable about the whole thing (I would be uncomfortable if I knew a parent was finding out at the same time as me over something their kid was doing), so I worked hard to not be bothered by the whole thing.

I am not the least bit involved. DH does tell me their activities, I say ok. And do a dance inside my head. It means "me time."

I am a de facto stepdad. Not married but we live together. I am completely involved in skid life. She is 9. My SO and i talk about all events/decisions together. She is my SO's kid, and all final decisions are her's to make but she asks for and takes my opinion into account.
I guess we are different from alot of people here, we operate as a family unit.

We operate as a family unit as well. We're considerate of each other and our roles... we advise each other of things, as we're each others' support... and we discuss matters as equal partners in life.

we both believe in the thought that we'll love/treat each others' kids as our own, as long as the kids treat us/respect us as if we were their parent. Seems to work out.

I am not involved in my skids' lives and they live with me 24/7

I am completely disengaged and when there is something that impacts finances, home or property, DH will bring it to my attention and we discuss it.

Other than that? Nope, I am not involved because I don't do favors for assholes and I don't negotiate with terrorists.

0 INVOLVED!!!

he has his 2 kids 50/50 and i have mine 24/7
when they are with us 50/50....he can be the parent! so activities he can attend/ drop off and pickups- that's between him and his ex.

i use to go out of my way and got treated like shit by the kids....so now if it's their birthdays- he can decorate the house/ pick up cake etc.......why? cause i do it all alone for my child while his ass is on the couch watching sports!

on his time he has to be the parent and do everything for them.... if i did it, he would just have way too much free time! sorry- your kids, your responsibility!

I think it all depends on how your family operates. If youre involved and engaged then he should definitely tell you whats going on, but if you cant be bothered and check out mentally and physically, I wouldn't stress. If its important to you, stress that importance to DH, if he still doesnt cooperate, the you guys have another issue.

I have always been all in and completely involved. Since SS-25 was 2yo.

I am just his dad.

That worked for us.

Good god if DH CC me on a E-mail regarding the kids BM would flip a nut...I'm not allowed to attend ANY kid/family therapy apts/ parent/teacher conferences.. Hell it was a fight just to get her to allow me to pick the kids up at school on DH parenting time AND that's only because it was court ordered. Sorry for us its just not worth the fight and it sounds like your DH does not want to include you in the emails unless its going to effect your plans. I could be wrong.

My huband CC's me and includes me on texts about my skid.  To be honst, I wish he didn't.  I'd rather him just put it on our family calendar and be done with it.  Ultimately, I have little say over the decisions anyway, so it''s frusterating being so involved (but really not involved at all...).

Just had a spat with DH over this. Basically if the communication is going to affect me or use my resources (money, time, mental energy for logistics etc) I expect to be included. Otherwise I have to chase information which sucks. He also says he forgets. He has an executive functioning problem so that is probably true. But I hate not knowing what's going on. And if BM is texting asking for money or asking if we are interested in sharing in an event i actually want to know because maybe it matters to my husband and maybe I will want to help him follow through on it. 

I'm very involved with my Skids in every way. I help with their homework, go to parent teacher conferences, take them to birthday parties, do their face paint for Halloween, go with DH to drop off/ pick up Skids from BM, text and call BM to see if she's getting the girls or not, make decisions on a daily basis on if the girls do this or that, I decide what doctor they need to see and take them to all doctors appointments, I'm even on their medical records and school records as their mother since BM has nothing to do with either and she can't take the girls out of state or even check the girls out of school without written permission from DH or else the cops will be called, we all go on vacations together, and I even do things as small as cutting their hair when they want it shorter or dead ends trimmed. It's great having that much involvement in my Skids lives but it's also a curse. I put all this effort into raising these kids as my own for them  (mostly SD7) to  disrespect me, lie to me, lie ABOUT me and throw at me I'm not her mom whenever she's having one of her (post BM visitation tantrums). I feel happy being such a big part of their lives but then there is more damage done when I deal with BM's nonsense or the mean comments and horrible behavior from my SDs. Sometimes I wish I didn't have to have so much involvement in their lives so I can stop getting hurt so much

I can relate to you...a LOT. 
 

my bf and I go through this every day it seems. We've had so many arguments about communication. I've asked the same things you do. Keep me in the loop when skid is coming over, include me in pictures or conversations with child's mother. But that never works, it's not about control, it's about being included. Obviously he chose you in life, and when you have a partner you have to communicate with them. So it only seems fair that they communicate about important things like kids. If he married you and expected you not to have a say in the kids then that's not right. In my opinion at least. 
 

hope things get better for you