Vacation with son and BF or don't take him? that is the question

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We are going to Gulf Shores for vacation Saturday. My son (11) doesn't want to go because my boyfriend is going (we've been dating over a year). First vacation together. I am excited and wanted my son to go to the ocean since he has never been. He said he wants to stay with his Dad. Once he gets around my bf for more than a few hours, he is fine and I know he will have a blast. I'm debating should I make him go or enjoy my time with BF? What would you do? I realize if I don't make him go, he's getting his way but maybe this is one of those "you pick your battles".....

He does have a basketball game, meet his teacher at school before school starts on Friday and seems to be fine with staying.

Thoughts??

My BF thinks he should go - it will be good bonding time. But I think he's fine either way.

I think I will feel guilty if I don't take him on a vacation - like I chose my BF over son. ugh

To be honest, I think it's

To be honest, I think it's dangerous precedent to allow your son to dictate things like who you take on vacation. To be honest, at that age, kids generally aren't consulted but do what their parents tell them.. not vice versa.

So, if you allow your son to exclude your SO, your son is being elevated to a power and authority that a kid shouldn't have and your SO is being clearly told that he will always be second (or worse).

That being said, I might try to explore further what is driving your son's desire to not go with your SO on vacation. At 11, if he is old enough to put his words together and tell you WHY. Is he feeling that it would be disloyal to his father? Does your SO tease him? Does he think it will just be dull adult stuff? Whatever he says, you need to know why he is reluctant.. make sure there isn't something you should be aware of between them.

In this situation though, there are a lot of variables that are kind of on the edge. Dating a year.. is maybe not a super long time and maybe not suitable for kids to be involved to this level with a BF? At 11, he is just old enough that you may not want to just 'make him go" like you would with a younger child. Yet, is he really old enough to be given a choice...?

Is the vacation a long way away? Is there any way for him to have an escape hatch if things don't go well? If so, maybe that would be a solution?

his reasoning - he will feel

his reasoning - he will feel like a 3rd wheel - and be in the way. he does not want to see us being affectionate in any way. and we aren't inappropriate at all. he also wants to sleep in the hotel bed with me and doesn't like riding in the backseat by himself either. sheesh!

he is never made to feel this way - like he is in the way. my older son was mad this weekend because bf was invited over with family because we act like teenagers. hmmm I am 48 almost so this is a good thing. ha

I do have a solution for

I do have a solution for you.

When my SD's got old enough, they were allowed to bring a friend with them on vacation. I can understand his point a bit. You are a couple and he is "there". Sitting in the back on a long car drive while the adults talk up front.

Now, the sleeping in the bed with you.. he is getting too old for that. If he had a friend with him, he wouldn't want that I'm sure.

As far as the affection.. he is at that age where that stuff is gross.. you don't want to think of your parents as sexual beings. You could assure him you will cool it for him too.

Or get a room with 2 beds and

Or get a room with 2 beds and a hideaway sofa bed and every has their own bed for sleeping.

I think it's really best at

I think it's really best at this stage of their relationship if the adults aren't having to share a bedroom with the 11yo. Maybe at least one of those suite situations where there is a 2nd separate area for another bed or pullout couch or rollaway.

To be honest, if I was the BF I would be willing to pay extra to make that happen.. so I could um ya know.. have myself a bit of adult time on vacation. Cause mommy certainly won't be in the mood if her son is just feet away..lol. (though my YSD did tell us of the time her mom and BF came back and did the deed in the bed next to hers after they got drunk.. keeping it classy)

Enjoy your trip!

thanks sammigirl! we plan

thanks sammigirl! we plan to. can't wait. I don't think I've ever been on a vacation with just a man and no kids before since kids. should be exciting!