Being his 2nd wife..
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I am his second wife and we have twin baby boys together.
We have SS10 full time. I am generally very happy with our life but sometimes get thrown off when he reminices about his first son. I know that it was a special part of him and I should embrace and respect it but I can't help but feel like we can't just focus on our babies together without him comparing it to SS's birth.
Iespecially hate it when he makes comments about our babies looking like SS. SS looks like his mom.
Be frank with him. "DH, I
Be frank with him.
"DH, I want you to enjoy yourself with these babies and share your feelings with me. But I need to tell you my own feeling and that is this is my first time. You are the only father of any kids I will have. It may be hard for you to see it this way, but I am asking you to give me this anyway. I feel bad feelings when you bring in prior experiences and by extension bm into my own moment. It's natural you are having memories but for me I am creating them. Perhaps you can save those comments for your brother or sister or parent, someone who was there at the time and can enjoy those memories with you. I don't enjoy them and I know for certain you would not say hurtful things on purpose. It's not your fault at all. I'm just asking you for this favor now."
Give him the chance to make things right for you. I think he will come through.
I can see both sides of this.
I can see both sides of this. What the OP needs to acknowledge is that all three of the children are his, and that he sees them as siblings who will need to bond. Perhaps he is concerned with the older boy feeling sibling acceptance. Perhaps he's just proud that he now has a family of five.
My DH often reminisces with his kids about good times they had as youngsters, and those convos include mentions of BM and her sperm cheater clan. It used to wrankle me, but I came to see it as his need to remind them how good a father he was, despite BM's attempts at alienating the bunch of them. He is still vying with BM for most popular parent (although he would deny it) and I just chill and roll my eyes behind my sunglasses.
I can see why OP would be teary about this, at this point, since she is still enjoying her new family, and doesn't need DH's prior life thrown at her. He sounds a little insensitive, but then, he's not a mindreader. Best to perhaps tell him once, in a casual way, that his comments can be like a dagger at this point. Put it down to hormones, but don't make it a huge fight.
Sorry your husband keeps
Sorry your husband keeps saying something that it hurtful to you.
Reality is blending DNA should result in people looking similar. In a small way be happy ss and your bio's resemble each other.
Imagine IF your Dh's child looked like he ex's ( BM's) current husband that she was involved with years and years and ago. Imagine deeper than that that the child (your ss) looked like BM"S current husband AND his niece and nephews.
Now that is some crap.
True story.