Serving BM papers for unpaid support...advice?
I generally handle the paperwork in my household. BM is over 5000 behind in ordered support. She never filed for modification despite quitting a job right after it was ordered in 2015. When she got a new job and they began witholding pay, she claimed she was unaware that she owed support despite reviving the same paperwork hubby did which included support order. Through income withholding and a good faith payment when they took her license, she has paid about 2 1/2 months support in about a year and a half.
She was incarcerated and lost a job,but we believe she quit/got fired a few days before she was arrested. This was after second weekly payment was withheld, Next job, she quit after the second weekly payment was taken from her paycheck. Both times we received a severely diminished payment from her final check after ending employment.
She is able to sustain this because her boyfriend pays all their living expenses, (including for her brother she has custody of), as well as providing her with satellite, home internet, cell service, and a gym membership.
She also supplies no diapers etc but often buys clothes and toys and such for SD, things she has been made aware are acceptable but not needed.
Hubby spoke with local CSS and they said they were in the process of tracking her down to serve her papers.
This is on our behalf due to nonpayment. They said it would be a matter of time before we were given a court date.
Anyone who has ever had to do this, what is the process like? What paperwork should I gather for my husband to show? I imagine they will reduce her support since she is unemployed and has never held a job more than a couple of months (generally quits before she can be fired). But what about the arrears? Do they give her a certain amount of time to pay?
Any answers or additional advice would be super helpful. My husband is a good man, but he gets all jumbled up when it comes to things like this. He just lost his job so we can't afford an attorney.
Compile any and all
Compile any and all information that is relevant. You may not need it but it is far better to have it than not.
Present it to court in well organized files and collate it according to a journal/calendar.
By the time my SS aged out from under the CO we lived under for 16+ year we had a file cabinet and half of records that included SpermIdiot Copies of the various revisions of the CO, Supplemental Rules in the county where the CO was issued, the rules for our county of residence (so we could use that as a motivator if they steppe out of line), Arrest Records, Private Investigator Reports and video, recorded telephone conversations (legal in our state without notifying anyone else on the call), emails, medical reports, call logs, journals, the SpermIdiots taxes, his parents taxes, etc, etc, etc..... If the SpermClan did it, said it, or even hinted at it we had a record of it. They learned to comply with the CO, do what they were told when they were told, or we would bare their asses in court, financially, publically, socially, legally, etc.... if we had to.... whatever was legal and that it took to protect my Skid's best interests.
You may not need an attorney for a CS hearing. We didn't. Our CS hearings after the initial court hearing that established the CO were heard by an Admin Law Judge and occurred over the phone. The DA's office served the SpermIdiot and administrated the action. We had to send all of the documentation we wanted admitted to the court for consideration ahead of time with copies to the court and the SpermIdiot. They, as usual, submitted almost no information and spent most of the time on the phone whining and crying.
Since BM and your DH are both unemployed the court will likely impute an income for each of them that is commensurate with their historical earning potential or at minimum what they would earn at minimum wage. Since your DH is the CP he will likely have BM's CS obligation confirmed and she will be spanked for her arrears and have to pay them. If she is not working that won't matter. She still owes and will be legally required to pay. She may not pay but if she doesn't her arrears will grow and likely can include penalties and interest over time. DH will basically own her ass for life if she doesn't pull her head out of her butt, step up, and starts supporting her kid.
At one point My Skid's SpermClan did fall behind in CS and were nailed for the arrears. It was actually the SpermIdiot who was responsible for CS for my SKid but since he never paid and dime of it and SpermGrandHag and SpermGrandPa paid it for them I bunch them all in the SpermClan and let them own it collectively. The most aggressive pay back the court could order in SpermLand courts was $50/mo on the arrears. At $5K in arrears in your case BM will take a long, long time to get out from under if the same is true in your jurisdiction.
My Skid aged out from under our CO nearly 7 years ago and the SpermClan still owes us ~$10K in Skid medical bills that were not covered by insurance. The Judge instructed us to invoice them regularly and if they don't pay sue them. We still send them a statement a few times each year to keep our ability to sue their asses with some assurance of winning intact. We actually don't care about the money and use the stick of nailing their asses in court to keep them behaving appropriately toward SS who is no 25. The status quo has held so far and they have not steppe dout of line... yet. But when they do we will sue them and take the Skid on an amazing international vacation.
The SpermClan always claimed that the pittance they paid in CS was allowing us to buy new homes, cars, go on vacations, etc... If they push it... we will make their bullshit claims come true. }:)
Sadly... they won't push it. They know better.
All IMHO and experience of course.
Good luck.
I found this extremely
I found this extremely helpful. Thank you!
I found this extremely
I found this extremely helpful. Thank you!
I found this extremely
I found this extremely helpful. Thank you!
If she hasn't contacted the
If she hasn't contacted the kid for the specified length of time listed by the stated, then you should also gather that kind of information. The state may let the BioMom sign over her parental rights in exchange for writing off her child support obligations. I don't know how they would handle past owed CS but I think BM might be eager to stop acquiring additional debt. If she doesn't see the kid anyway, it's a possibility. For this you would need the last date of contact and lists of all missed visitation.
She does see SD, court
She does see SD, court ordered we allow 8 hours a week supervised visitation. She's yet to get 8 hours a week. For awhile she came for 4 or 5 but has since dropped to about 2 hours a week. I keep a log of all the visits she makes, and all the ones that she scheduled and didn't show. I haven't logged the occasional reschedules on either end.
Does anyone perchance know how I can obtain termination dates from her various jobs? I have all the documentation for payments received, the inital order, and the correspondance with CSS. I firmly believe she bails on jobs to get out of paying, I just don't know how to prove it. Then again, BM can't take 10 minutes on her $800 cell phone to google what she ought to do, much less consult a lawyer. She has a history of smarting off to judges too.
She told me herself that she quit the last job because "It's better to quit than to get fired". Last job, she told me she got arrested and they fired her for not showing up, but told someone else she quit and told a third person she got fired cos she passed a piss test for pot. Incidentally she swears to me "I don't even smoke weed anymore because of the kids". This is all he said/she said, so I want to be able to verify when she ended employment.
DH just started a new job but it's severely reduced income. He's looking for something else. In the meantime I would hope that would be a show to the judge that we do actually need the money.
Actually, the state filed on
Actually, the state filed on his behalf. The judge ordered support and when she didn't make payments after so long, they set up to send her to court.
I am not the slightest bit interested in wether or not anyone thinks we will succeed in getting the money owed. We aren't relying on it, we are hoping for it.
At any rate, what I need to know is what we can do to prepare for court.
You make an awful lot of
You make an awful lot of assumptions. It sounds to me like you have had a very bitter experience. I feel sorry for you.
Talk about a waste of
Talk about a waste of energy!
1. Unemployment is very recent, as in the last few weeks,and DH.is proactive in his job search.
2. BM's whereabouts are known, and if they issue a warrent, then either we can inform them of her whereabouts when she comes for a visit, or she will bug off and leave my SD alone. That's a win win from where we are standing.
3. IF they threaten BM with jail, which she is terrified of returning to, she might just talk the boyfriend with a big sign on bonus coming to pay it. It's absolutely worth the chance to me. I am aware he is not responsible, but he is aware she owes and supports her anyways. If he chooses to pay it to keep her out of trouble, than it's his decision.
4. Again, we didn't initate the proceedings. The state did. All we have had to do is make the occasional 10 minute phone call. While that hasn't netted us much, it has already brought in more money for the case than you recieved, period. Ergo, I would prefer my methods to yours.
5. I am under no illusions about court. I am aware I will not be representing my husband. It is not my responsibilty or obligation. However, I have this crazy thing called "Love" for my family. Compiling paperwork so that DH doesn't feel additional pressure on top of the job issue is just what I feel is the appropriate thing to do as his wife. He is, however, a very intelligent man and I am fully confident I can spend a bit going over a folder with him before court and have the information delivered concisely. He is capable, it is simply easier for me to handle it and I am happy to do so. That's how a successful marriage works. Wether or not I gather data or he does is not relevant.
6. It is my ultimate wish for BM to go away and for me to be able to adopt SD. This is not what everyone wants to do, but in my case it is. That means, among many other things, that I accept personal responsibility for doing whatever I need to do to see to her care. Now, I may fail. It may be a waste of time. However, with BM a glaring detriment to my SD, why wouldn't I spend my time trying to get her to go away? She pays up, she goes to jail, or she skulks away. She has a violent history, both kids (she has another with a different dad) suffered at her hands and had their lives at risk. I could go on and on, but the gist is I truly believe she will do no good for SD, and in fact may harm her. In what universe does it make sense for me to not participate because I don't have a blood tie?
Talk about a waste of
Talk about a waste of energy!
1. Unemployment is very recent, as in the last few weeks,and DH.is proactive in his job search.
2. BM's whereabouts are known, and if they issue a warrent, then either we can inform them of her whereabouts when she comes for a visit, or she will bug off and leave my SD alone. That's a win win from where we are standing.
3. IF they threaten BM with jail, which she is terrified of returning to, she might just talk the boyfriend with a big sign on bonus coming to pay it. It's absolutely worth the chance to me. I am aware he is not responsible, but he is aware she owes and supports her anyways. If he chooses to pay it to keep her out of trouble, than it's his decision.
4. Again, we didn't initate the proceedings. The state did. All we have had to do is make the occasional 10 minute phone call. While that hasn't netted us much, it has already brought in more money for the case than you recieved, period. Ergo, I would prefer my methods to yours.
5. I am under no illusions about court. I am aware I will not be representing my husband. It is not my responsibilty or obligation. However, I have this crazy thing called "Love" for my family. Compiling paperwork so that DH doesn't feel additional pressure on top of the job issue is just what I feel is the appropriate thing to do as his wife. He is, however, a very intelligent man and I am fully confident I can spend a bit going over a folder with him before court and have the information delivered concisely. He is capable, it is simply easier for me to handle it and I am happy to do so. That's how a successful marriage works. Wether or not I gather data or he does is not relevant.
6. It is my ultimate wish for BM to go away and for me to be able to adopt SD. This is not what everyone wants to do, but in my case it is. That means, among many other things, that I accept personal responsibility for doing whatever I need to do to see to her care. Now, I may fail. It may be a waste of time. However, with BM a glaring detriment to my SD, why wouldn't I spend my time trying to get her to go away? She pays up, she goes to jail, or she skulks away. She has a violent history, both kids (she has another with a different dad) suffered at her hands and had their lives at risk. I could go on and on, but the gist is I truly believe she will do no good for SD, and in fact may harm her. In what universe does it make sense for me to not participate because I don't have a blood tie?
I am currently pursuing legal
I am currently pursuing legal advice. We can't afford to hire representation, but it is my hope that I can at least get an idea of how to prepare for the hearing. Thank you very much!
I am currently pursuing legal
I am currently pursuing legal advice. We can't afford to hire representation, but it is my hope that I can at least get an idea of how to prepare for the hearing. Thank you very much!
Side note, I am aware of the
Side note, I am aware of the double posts. I don't know why it keeps happening...sorry!
I'd rather have docs and not
I'd rather have docs and not need them than need them and not have them. But it seems like they'll expect a lot more from BM than DH, especially considering state is filing. Good to know. Thank you!
I have the original parenting
I have the original parenting plan, which includes the child support order. BM was there when the judge ordered it, and I have a document from the lawyer who handled the initial proceedings that a copy was mailed to BM.
I have copies of the statements from CSS showing what they have collected.
I have income witholding orders, and can correlate the dates the orders were put in place with the usual 2-3 weeks later that they no longer collect due to ending employment. Thus can show the pattern.
Going to place another call to CSS caseworker and ask if they submit evidence that she is served a summons etc, so we can prove she was aware of the proceedings.
If we can show the judge she is intentionally quitting jobs I believe s/he will be less sympathetic.
The more prep, the better in my opinion. Any other documentation I should have to present to the judge?