Thank you kindly for reading my post and for your advice. The thing is - we constantly tell ourselves she is mentally ill, that she wants the power, that that is why she is treating him/us this way. We have tried to keep communication strictly to emails. my husband asked the court to place in the modification that she only contact us in emergencies or to discuss pick ups or drop off times. If my husband does not answer right away, then the harassment ensures. sometimes she will get her mother involved who will then contact us to not ignore her.

his ex told the mediator that sometimes, my husband won't answer her emails within 24 hours, and the mediator told him he should.

pick ups and drop offs are set in court documents, but because she moved an hour away from us and her parents, she always tries to find a way for someone to deviate. and when my husband won't do it, her mother engages in texts with my husband to make him do this.

many times, we have lose-lose situations. damned if you do, damned if you don't. It a bit more complicated than stated in my blog.

But again, i totally agree with you, and in a perfect world, that is what would happen. but there is a lot of manipulation from all angles and it is taking its toll.

Thanks again

Thank you for your response

I stay as far away from her as possible because i know she will only wind up engaging my blood and bones with her attitude. however, my husband is again, very sensitive and feels he needs someone to speak with. we've tried therapy and he's tried speaking with his parents and keeping me out of everything as much as possible. but for years, it somehow always come back to me and on my shoulders. i guess i am a problem solver and he knows that. almost sounds like I'm trying to make excuses and not help myself here, but this is just how it is.

i have tried to stay away and will continue to try. but when his phone buzzes and he makes that look, i always know, and spring in to "mama bear" action.

good luck to you, its interesting to know there are others out there who know exactly what i am going through. i am relieved to have some responses. your words brought me comfort. Thank you

Thank you for your response/advice.

We know for sure she is diagnosed bipolar with psychotic traits, such as a past of schizophrenia, hallucinations, etc. her mother has told me there are more diagnosis, but did not disclose them and I did not ask. My in laws suspect borderline personality disorder, as you brought up. They are in the psychology field (one a doctor, the other MSW). I have done a ton of research, read many books and spoken to professionals.

We both try very hard to not let others dictate what we should do outside of the custody agreement. I guess our view is to take the high road and just give in sometimes when an argument and more stress isn't necessary. As far as how we communicate with the ex - lets put it this way, we say nothing in emails that we wouldn't feel comfortable presenting a judge. Of course we have our opinions, but they are between us and close friends and family and definitely far away from their son. We are totally aware the child hearing us speak negatively about his family is to no benefit to him.

I honestly do find responses and even writing here quite therapeutic today. There is no other step parent in my life, so no one really to speak with who knows how I feel.

I would rather be civil with her for my stepsons sake, but that'll never happen..

That's how his emails look to her as well. She just can't see past finding a way to harass him.

Thanks for the advice on mensdivorce.com. Will definitely relay to him.

1 - they share legal and he has asked twice now for support. The first time, she was mandated to pay for half the costs of extracurricular activities. She refused child support otherwise. She makes as many excuses as possible not to pay her half, but will finally acquiesce after months. 2 - I am aware of this

3- I really don't think of her often. Only when she pulls what she did in court or when my husband brings her up. I really want to move past her bull and live my life.

4- done that. For 5 years now lol

5 - we just got a court appointed lawyer. She's very good and friendly with our judge (a plus!)

His emails to her look exactly like that. But crazy is as crazy does and she will fight over anything. When we invited her into our home for my stepsons first day of school so she could be a part of that day, she said that we did not have the right to invite her to his first day, who do we think we are, etc.

My husband said he would update her on school and other important activities which he does. Always gives her some excuse to berate him. I believe now with our lawyer we have a better chance at overcoming. My husband was quite prepared for last court date, just froze when it came down to provide info.

I appreciate your input, just wish I could think of better Ways. I feel like we've done/ tried it all and won't help, which is why I started this b,if today.

All true. I do role play and prepare him the best I can. It's just personality differences I guess

Thank you for your understanding and advice, I do appreciate it!

thank you - great advice!

you're absolutely right! and of course the point of inviting her, was in to our home, where i was planning on preparing juice, coffee, muffins etc. not for her, but so that their son might be able to see his parents in one place, supporting him on his first day in a nice environment. of course her parents and brother came as they are all lovely.

the thing is, i tell myself exactly what you told me 100x. daily, even. for some reason my body does not react to what my brain is telling me and i just get anxious. my husband and i are pretty good at only answering what we need to, in only as many words as necessary to get the point across. hopefully with a harassment prevention order, we can get some relief. she no longer attempts to call, and rarely texts. so thats good at least. it just baffles me that she just can't email my husband and ask "how was his day?" and allow him to answer and move on. but i DO KNOW that she never will. she is mentally ill and that is her problem not ours. i guess it is just wishful thinking...

i am going to have my husband read all posts, but the last paragraph of yours should really stick with him. though i have told him that many times, maybe reading it from a forum will do the trick.

thank you for your support!