SS17 wants girlfriend to visit our home with no adults present
My SO is asking my advice about letting his 17 y.o. son have his 15 y.o. girlfriend over during one afternoon when no adult is in our home (currently spring break) stating he want to show her how to do some cooking (he does cook and she has been a bit sheltered). He said we have the web cams up so we can keep an eye on them. I reminded SO cameras don't cover whole house and she could sneak into his SS17 bedroom and we would not know. They are good kids but I notice there are more and more "handsy" with each other so I know they can't wait to do some groping without parents around-LOL. I clearly remember my days as a teenager. That doesn't worry me, the getting carried away and her pregnant and ruining their lives at a young age worries me and my SO.
I suggested SO speak with girlfriend's Mom first and discuss with her any concerns. My personal feeling is NO as we have general house rule of no visitors when no adults are home. It's easy for me to see their hormones are starting taking over. On the other hand, his son will be 18 in September and I wonder if SO should start giving him more freedom as he is older now?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Do we just get more Webcams to see the whole house and then agree to it as SS17 is older now and should start having more freedom? Or stick to our original house rules of no visitors without an adult home?
I would stick to your
I would stick to your original house rules. Yes, if they want to let hormones take over, they will find a way and a place but it doesn't have to be your place. It would be a matter of principal, for me.
Also, I would warn him about sex with a minor. When he turns 18 (and maybe it's 17 in some states?), he could get a nice statutory rape charge slapped on him.
Thank you! I did remind SO
Thank you! I did remind SO about statutory rape at 18 in our state. I will emphasize that again, because I believe that also means they have to register as a sex offender for life if that were to happen.
And, of course, I meant to
And, of course, I meant to type "principle".
Stick to to tour guns.
Stick to to tour guns. Nothing good can come of them being alone together. And almost 18 is the perfect time for him to get the talk about underage girls.
Their age gap is appropriate but thats not going to save him after he turns 18
Thank you! When he turns 18
Thank you! When he turns 18 he will still be at home as he will be a senior in HS. So even as an adult, if he is still in our home, it is still our rules...I assume that is what most parents still do? As you said in his OWN home that would be HIS call then
Just want to make sure we are being reasonable and still keeping our boundaries in place even if the kid gets all butt hurt-LOL.
I'm happy SO is holding strong...I know he is concerned as his 19 year old daughter decided to move out before finishing high school (with only 5 months left to go) and he could not stop her as she was a legal adult. She ended up a high school dropout and has screwed up her life. SO does not want son to go down same path (he is pretty smart though and has the common sense his sister lacks). But an unwanted baby would ruin it even worse so I guess that will keep SO holding strong
One of my parenting pillars
One of my parenting pillars was that if someone got all butt hurt about a decision I made, it was probably the right decision.
Haha! That is so true!
Haha! That is so true!
Nope - nope and nope. When
Nope - nope and nope.
When DD26 was 16, she and her boyfriend came to me and told me that they wanted to start having sex (I raised my kids to be very open about it with me, didn't want any surprises) I put her on the pill and told them that boyfriend was no longer allowed in the house when I wasn't home. I also told her that if I ever found out that he was in the house when I wasn't there, I would take the door off her room (her room was the lower level former nanny suite) and reminded her that her then 12 year old brothers would just love love love to tattle on her.
There was no way I was going to facilitate the two of them having sex. When they questioned my thinking on this, I told them that just because I knew about it didn't mean I was going to make it easy for them or encourage it. I even said "I am not going to make easy for you. You're gonna have uncomfortable sex with the gearshift in your way just like many others before you."
yes...they should not have it
yes...they should not have it any easier and more comfortable-LOL! I think what you did also helped to teach your daughter about being respectful of her family on this matter too.
Has DH had the condom talk
Has DH had the condom talk with ss yet? If not it's well overdue.
DH can discuss this with the
DH can discuss this with the girl's BM. If the GF15's BM is going to be home, they can take their cooking to GF's house. GF's BM might not even be aware of their plans.
I would stick to the house rules; especially because this girl is only 15 and SS is only 17; yes they are at an extremely vulnerable age for trouble.
SS is dating an underage GF, it would be rape, if she gets pregnant, and I have known parents to push this to the full extent of the law. Then SS is a registered sex offender for at least 10 years. It balloons into an ugly scene.
You are doing SS a favor by sticking to your rules.