Honestly, it might sound harsh to keep a 3 year old from having fun because they've barely eaten, but if you've ever been the parent of a picky 3 year old, you just want them to friggin eat sometimes and it's hard. SD went through a stage of barely eating ANYTHING because she just wanted junk food or nothing, so we kept her at the table and made her finish a few bites of everything before she could go do something else. It would piss me the hell off if anyone tried to undermine that, because they weren't the ones living with her and going through the struggle of watching her starve or eat junk food - no in between.

Don't undermine parents. That's all I have to say. It might seem harsh to you, but as someone who's not raising the child, you NEVER know the full story.

Going by what you've written, my husband's stepmom wouldn't be allowed in my home, either. Especially if she thinks I'm stupid and doesn't tolerate me or my family well.

You caused all of this turmoil between your husband, his son and daughter inlaw. NOW you wonder if you should have kept your mouth shut.

I don't blame the DIL one bit for saying you are no longer allowed in her home.

Only you can correct this...... it's going to be hard but it needs to be done.

Go to DIL and SS and apologize, simply say, I was wrong interfering with your way of parenting your children, I am sorry, I'm just stupid old Granny who wants to spoil them rotten it will not happen again....
then turn to SS and say - kiddo I was really immature to discuss home stuff at the office, causing trouble, I've already told your father (and do this) that it was my fault. Then walk away and leave them to come around, on their own time.

You have no right telling any person how to raise their kids, you had yours and you raised them, now allow them to raise their kids as they see fit. Think of it this way.... how would you have reacted when it was your 3 year old and your SM interfered... remember you do not live with them in a house, they have to sort out their own issues

What do you mean by "...she has never got over the fact he left her when she was 9 to marry an aggressive woman."?

Did your DH leave his then-wife for you?? Or was he already divorced when you two married?

"You need to be your husbands partner and leave everything else to him when it come to his family."

It took me a few years to learn this nugget of truth and as my name suggests, I am "still learning." I overstepped boundaries last time ss26, sdil and the gskids were here. gs3 was under the table hiding and pooping in his diaper. I mentioned to the parents that he was taking a poo and they just ignored it. I told them they could take him to the potty and I got the evil eye. Then I went further and told how ds10 was potty trained by 1 yr old. They did not want to hear it, so I shut up. DH then picked up the conversation and started talking about how he was too old to still be in diapers. Funny how I got all the dirty looks when he said this.

It's easy to step on toes and cross boundaries, especially in step life. I would just eat the humble pie and apologize for whatever they accused you of. Be harder on yourself than they could ever possibly be. Go on and on about how wrong you were and how horrible you feel about *blah de blah.*

And for the record I don't think you were horrible, a little annoying perhaps but who among us has not had suggestions from well meaning in laws that we did not agree with. I've learned to take everything exMil suggests concerning the kids and parenting w/a grain of salt. Like someone above said, many skids are just waiting for you to slip up so they can attack. Sad but true.

Confronting him at work, well that was a bit much and you've obviously learned your lesson from that.

I don't think it's any big loss to be rid of the SS and his wife. Sure you were wrong. But they don't sound like anybody I'd miss.

Count your blessings if you never have to see them again.

SS called his father a "c--nt" and you are worried about DH losing another family member? No great loss IMHO.

Good on DH for smacking and firing his son over that crap.

If I ever called my Marine father a "c--nt" or anything other than Dad or Sir he would kick my ass.

I hope SS looked like he took a major beating over that crap.

Now for you.... you may have overstepped with SDIL and the GSkids. GPs need to understand that they have raised their children and though they can certainly express opinions on the raising of the GKs there is a fine line between being a GP and overstepping on the next generation raising their own children.

I had to pull my own mother up short on overstepping a number of years ago when I was correcting SS then 17 on leaving flames leaping 6" up from the stove when his mom asked him to go pull a pot off of the stove since his mom was not going to be downstairs in time to get started on dinner. My wife had asked SS to turn on the flame under the pot on the stove and told him that she we would be down in a minute to start the cooking. Then she got a call from work. She called down to pull the pot off of the stove. So what does the kid do......? He pulls the pot off of the burner and leaves the flame on. smh :? :jawdrop: I asked him about fire leaping on top of the stove and what he was thinking... I got the "Whut? She told me to pull the pot off of the burner. That is what I did." I started the Q&A over WTF he was thinking and if it made sense to leave the burner on with naked live flames shooting up with no pot on the burner or if maybe turning off the burner would be a better idea. My mom interjected so I told her "Mom, you raise me just fine now let me raise my kid". I got the withering look like never before and my dad even gave an under the breath "uh oh" and shook his head at me. I stood my ground.

It may be time to temper your interjections regarding the GKs though I do understand wanting the GKs to enjoy the party.