I don't know what prompted me but tonight I tried things differently.

Maybe it's the new counsellor I saw on Monday night. Was supposed to be couple counselling but OH had a problem at work and was late for the appt. so because she started just with me she will only see me on my own, we have to find someone else to see together. Works for me, she was great (possibly because she called him an arsehole and a crap parent LOL) Anyway, she was really good, and made me understand and accept a few things (like there's no point hanging on and being angry and worked up about shit you can't change, she taught me how to let it go, calm myself and move forward (of course you still have to go back and find a way to deal with whatever it was, but in that moment - ask yourself "can I change this? Is me being angry and dwelling going to make an iota of difference IN THIS MOMENT" and usually the answer is no. So I have to find ways to let it go until I am in a calmer state and then find a way to deal with whatever it was.

Soooo.

BM is away with her new BF. We were supposed to have skids last night, all of today and tonight. (we had them Friday to Sunday night, then OH dropped them at her cousin until last night) Only the drama at OH's work meant he couldn't take the day off today, and not on my watch honey, so he arranged to bring them here for tea last night, and tonight and drop them back with the cousin after tea last night so she had them today.

(backstory, school hols here last week and this. I told him months ago the dd's were home last week and with their dad this week so if he wanted skids over the hols it HAD to be last week as this week is OUR time.... He said he wasn't having them extra these hols as he couldn't get leave. Then BM about 2 weeks ago told him he had to have them from Friday to tonight. He said no - prev. blog on that. So this week is supposed to be couple time, we won't get any again til xmas. WE were supposed to have Sunday night to Saturday afternoon when the dd's get back. Of course having the kids Weds afternoon. Then BM needs blah blah - so he agreed to Tues night to Weds night... So I wasn't happy but said nothing.)

Last night - he says "just for tea" to me that means they get here about 6, we cook, eat and he takes them back. NO, they get here about half 5, he plays with them, they hang out. We cook, we eat I expect him to drop them off. It's half 7. No he takes SS10 upstairs and they play on the wii til 9. Night completely ruined as he had to go out again to drop them off. Not happy.

Soooo, tonight. I am not looking forward to seeing them. But I just arranged to be super busy. Whatever he wants to do with them is up to him. Not my problem. I didn't defrost anything for tea (I had GF lasagne leftovers put aside for me so I was set ) I have a cake due Saturday, so I coloured the icing (it's a ruffled ombre cake - very cool with layers of ruffles starting white at the top graduating through shades of blue to a darker blue at the bottom, with 4 cupcakes on top with tutu decorations) So, I did the colouring, made the tutu's, kept myself busy. OH put on the news and defrosted their tea. I watched part of the news with him, we chat about the different stories, sd13 was on the other sofa - has been here about 1.5 hours and not said a word to me or to him when I am in the room. I leave the room to work the next section of icing (kitchen is sort of around the corner so I can still hear) And she's chatting up a storm with him about every news item, asking questions and putting forth opinions etc) OH has to go out to help SS with something as I walk back into the room.

And I couldn't help myself, I called her on it - I just said "You know, SD? It always amazes me how you lose your voice when I am in the room but can chat up a storm as soon as I leave. What's the betting you stay silent again now that I'm back? Don't worry, it works for me anyways" Big smile at her.

May sound mean but I've had it with ignoring her.

OH came back in and she went outside with SS, then they went upstairs. She tried ignoring and the usual make conversation with ss and Dadddyyyyy that luchay can't join in on over dinner. I just inserted myself into every conversation, nicely of course, I smiled at her and talked to her, and basically threw down the gauntlet if you like.

She was very confused over dinner, but as they left she walked by me and voluntarily smiled and said goodbye.

Now I have no delusions that she will become a nice child overnight, but hey - I had NO stress tonight and she was actually civil when she left - baby steps!

OH texted me a short time ago. BM is not back yet, he will be late home. He was all "sorry honey". Ho hum. I just told him I loved him and to bring me chocolate when he comes home. Nothing I can do about it, no point being pissed and stressed!