O/T - How upset would you be??
I know this is absolutely nothing compared to what some others are going through so I'll try to condense the story as much as possible - SD17 took a coated baking dish with a dessert for a weekend away with her siblings. I told her not to use a knife or anything that would scratch the pan because it was the non-stick coating and I didn't want it ruined.
When she came back, she buried the pan in the back of the cupboard before anyone could see it. So I got it out and looked at it - multiple scratches everywhere. I asked her how it got so scratched and she said it was like that before she used it and they did not cut it in the pan but lifted it out before they cut it. But the scratches looked like they had to pry it loose from the pan before they got it out and you can see where they ran something in the pan to loosen what was in it.
My problem is that I am horrible pi$$ed that she lied to me - the pan was in perfect condition before she took it - this I know for a fact. I'm a little miffed about the scratches in the pan but it is still usable - although they were not there before - it did not "ruin" the pan. I know it is JUST a pan - but whenever I think of the whole situation I get angry. I think I am the most upset over her lying to me and trying to make it sound as if I had done the damage myself (as only she and I ever do any baking).
How upset would you be over this? Being a stepparent and right in the midst of everything, you start to doubt what you know as truth and everything becomes shaded by your hurt and anger over the loss of control of your surroundings. So seriously, I don't even know how to react to some things anymore.
I know it is "just" a pan - but it was also "just" my favorite coffee cup that they broke, and "just" the only picture I had of my BDs dance recital that they got water on, and "just" my new jacket that they got fingernail polish on, and "just" a new hardwood floor that they spilled glue on and then took a brillo pad to it. The "justs" keep going on and on....
I am very thankful for this site - it helps me put things back into perspective when I am too close to the fire and emotions are over the top. Thanks to you all. <3
I would just be honest with
I would just be honest with her. Tell her you know that it wasn't scratched when you lent it to her. Tell her that you disappointed that she is resorting to lying to you instead of just owning up to what happened.
I would also tell her is isn't welcome to borrow anything else from your kitchen if this is how she is going to behave.
The next time she wants to
The next time she wants to bake and take something, she can buy disposable pans.
I would be upset, too. I try to buy high-quality baking/cooking items and it's annoying and upsetting when people disregard your things.
Since she's 17 and not 7 I
Since she's 17 and not 7 I would be MAJOR pissed. But mostly from the lying.
I had a coworker break a cell
I had a coworker break a cell phone holder when they were getting in my car with a large frame. I kept telling the person that the picture wasn't going to fit and then SNAP! cell phone holder broke after idiot kept trying to shove the frame in the front seat. It was only a month old. I waited for this person to offer me a new holder but nope, so I dropped off the information to order me a new one with a note that said "I am sure you keep forgetting to ask me about the information so that you can order me a new one but here it is." I don't care if people think I am rude, what is rude is not immediately offering to buy a new one.
People are so dense.
Time to stop any SD use of
Time to stop any SD use of anything in the home that is not hers. Get her paper cups & plates and plastic utensils. If she wants to cook... she buys her own cookware.
There comes a time when it is not the pan/cup/blazer/hardwood floors that is/are the issue. The issue is the way she treats other peoples property and her lies about it.
oh, yes. Been there, KEEP
oh, yes. Been there, KEEP having issues.
DH replaces ANYTHING they broke, or anything they lose, or damage, unless it's a legitimate mistake (legit mistake is not carelessness or not paying attention or being stupid or roughhousing, or not listening to instructions).
The latest ramification, after the broken pantry door?
Last straw was a good wooden spoon I've told SD13 over and over again to immediately wash and don't leave it in the sink to dry with food all over it or soaking in water. I don't know WHY she insists on using wood instead of good quality, heat resistant, easy to clean silicone or plastic utensils. "I like the wood spoon." (but doesn't want to take care of it)
So last week I find the spoon coated with dried egg.
I throw wood spoon away (luckily it's not MY best one) and I confiscate ALL OTHER WOOD UTENSILS from kitchen.
Like I did with my good ceramic knives.
And my good glasses.
You abuse it you lose it. I know where they are, but no one else gets to use them.
Grrrrrrr....
Grrrrrrr....
I would not be bothered at
I would not be bothered at all.... sorry I had to say something not being said before
I would be livid and probably demand SO to replace it, immediately.... oh wait I did do that lol.....
but knowing Aergia, I never allow her to use anything of mine, she knows perfectly well if I find out she used something all hell will break loose, I'm not nice about it.... I have this feeling she's been using some of my dishes but I really do not care, it's cheap stuff... but she washes it and dries it and packs it away again, no scratches nothing..... she has the satisfaction of using my stuff without me knowing it, idiot, I know - I have the satisfaction that she cleans it and does not damage it, maybe I'm learning her something about looking after belongings, currently I think I'm teaching her how to be sly.... if it's possible for her to be more sly then what she is currently
When SD was 3 and we weren't
When SD was 3 and we weren't married/sharing an account, I would always make SO rebuy whatever it was SD got into/broke. He was working for minimum wage and already struggling so you can bet he was ontop of SD touching other people's things pretty fast! I remember one time, she got on top of the toilet, went into the cupboard on top of it, and grabbed some of my hair stuff and dumped it into the bath... Holy hell I was mad. I paid $50 at sephora for these 4 tiny bottles of one-time use hair products that I loved. SO didn't like having to fork out $50 to replace them...
Since then SD has improved. She's 5 now and she doesn't touch people's things without asking. I can leave expensive makeup/hair products/whatever in the bathroom and she just ignores it and moves on. SO got on her when she was young because he got tired of replacing my things hahaha but it worked out well in the long run.
Unfortunately if you don't teach this when they're young, there's no stopping them... they'll take your stuff, borrow things, break things, etc. without a second thought. The best you can do is not allow it, but even then, if they're not taught to respect belongings of others, they'll use it anyways behind your back.
I get irritated when people
I get irritated when people don't take care of things I let them use too!
It is not uncommon for kids (of all ages) to use the "it wasn't me line" to weasel out of trouble.
If you knew 100% that the pan was scratch free prior to her using it.. and by 100% certain, you actually inspected the pan prior to her pouring the batter into it.. then I would definitely call her on her lie.
I would have told her that I checked the pan before you used it and there were no scratches. Going forward, she is to not use any of your pots or pans without supervision. No taking anything out of the house. I would ask her to replace the value of the pan too. 17 is old enough to replace something you ruined... especially when you were warned.
It is quite likely that someone at the party did the damage and not her... but she was responsible since she took it.