Too bad Sally is no longer here to advise. There might be a new member with some good insight, however.

Next time she rearranges your stuff- go in her room and rearrange her stuff. Use the same fakeness with your DH, about how you were trying to make her happy.

You will have to outsmart and outlast her- she is messing with you deliberatly.

Your DH is fine- he tells her to knock it off.

this elektra complex is normal in intact families and goes away when the young woman starts dating boys her own age.

in step families, it takes it to a whole new level of unhealthy.

My college boyfriend and I were about to get engaged (just after graduation). We had the date set, and I was expecting a ring or something special for Christmas.

The BF bought me the same thing he bought his mother - an appliance. I did not marry him.

I had the mini wife thing go on for quite some time with my SD.

My husband bought me a star and told his daughter about it. Of course she had to have one too. One day she was in our bedroom and saw that I had the "star" paperwork framed. I could see the jealousy on her face.

My husband bought me red roses for Valentines Day and had them sent to my place of work. Of course he had to do the same for his daughter and had RED roses sent to her school. This was one of the biggest arguments we had in our marriage..him sending RED roses to his daughter, as I told him that I didn't care what color roses he sent her..just not RED. Send her pink, yellow..any other color but Red, but he just didn't get it. His daughter felt that if I got red roses, she had to have the same color. He saw nothing wrong with it, so I finally told him not to send me flowers on Valentine's Day anymore.

When we had the skids, she was attached at the hip to him. She'd follow him everywhere and even when he used the bathroom. As she got older, he told her to sit outside the room until he was finished. She'd ask him to help her pick out her clothes and wanted him to stay in the room as she got dressed. Again, as she got older, she still wanted him to sit in the room while she got dressed, yet he insisted on sitting outside until she was finished dressing.

She wanted him to sit in the bathroom while she took a shower and he always made sure the curtain was drawn. She wanted him to sit in the bathroom with her while she took a bath and again, as she got older, he sat outside the bathroom until she was finished dressing.

She'd sit at the kitchen table and would talk directly to him; completely excluding me from the conversation on purpose. When he got up in the morning, she'd get up; when he'd get up in the middle of the night, she'd get up too. If I got up with them, again, she'd completely exclude me from the conversation.

When he went outside, she'd follow him outside; we'd go to a restaurant and she'd have to sit by Daddy immediately with a smug look on her face. She couldn't have cared less if I sat in the car..

We'd go to a store and she'd walk way ahead with him. When I'd be with them in the store and they were ahead talking about something, if I'd walk closer, she'd say to him, "Never mind, I'll tell you later.."

The worst part was at night. She wanted our bedroom door left open, but of course I wanted it closed for privacy reasons. She'd get up in the middle of the night and walk right into our bedroom and stand next to our bed, "Daddy..I can't sleep, could you please come sit with me for a bit?" When she was younger, my husband would cuddle with her and then when she fell asleep, he'd come back to bed. There was a time when she used to thank me for letting her daddy lay with her for a bit; but as she got older, she didn't care what I thought and purposely continued to walk right into our bedroom, "Daddy..I can't sleep, could you come sit with me for a bit?". Used to make me livid, but my husband would get up, half asleep, and go sit on the side of her bed and rub her back until she was sleeping, and then come back to bed. Then when she'd wake up, she'd come right back into our bedroom and do the same thing again. This happened at least two to three times a night, sometimes more..to the point that I just told my husband to put the blow up mattress next to her bed and just stay in there with her every night.

She knew she'd won that war!!

My husband always went up North with the kids for a week every Summer. After we were married, he'd spend a week up North with the kids and then a week with me at home. I didn't mind it as I thought the kids deserved a week alone with the him, even though my husband told me that we were a family and that I should join them. I went up one week and my SD was soo attached at the hip to my husband that we couldn't get a private word in edgewise.

When we were talking in the car, she'd interrupt us; just as she'd do when she was visiting us at home. If she wasn't interrupting us, she was making loud noises.

They had to have their "Date Night" also. Just her and him. He was HER dad and no matter how old she got..nobody was going to change that.

The bottom line is that every daughter loves her daddy to pieces. I'm a daddy's girl myself and after my mom passed away, there wasn't anyone that was going to take my mom's place. My mom was the love of my dad's life and he was never interested in dating, however, there was this younger woman that was hell bent on getting into my dad's heart. He told her that there was no way he would be interested in her; but she did her best to stay in his life anyway...as friends (yet we all knew her intentions). She'd have my dad come over and fix all these things around her house, they'd go out to eat sometimes, she involved him with her family, etc. She had her own painting business and would have my dad come and help her. She took all these pictures of him and her together as though they were a couple and my dad had them posted all over his fridge.

I hated that..and I hated her!!

One day my dad was over at one of her rental properties doing some plumbing work (he was 78 at the time). She was there for a bit, but then just left him there alone and went to work. Who the heck leaves a 78 year old man alone at their house while they go to work anyway?? When she came back from work, she found my dad laying on the floor, unresponsive; as he had suffered from a stroke!!

So I get this call from this woman telling me what happened and I met her at the emergency room. When I got there, she told me that she could only stay for a bit, since she had to get home and get some sleep..she had to work early in the morning. I was livid!! First of all, I felt it was her fault that she'd left my dad alone while she went to work; and then to leave me there alone in the ER to deal with it by myself as they prepared my dad for Flight for Life down to Froedert??!

What a cowardly woman she was!!

Luckily, my dad survived and completely recovered from his stroke, but I never forgave her!!

She couldn't stay in the ER with me that night offering me some sort of comfort after being so irresponsible, yet she kept coming around, visiting my dad when I wasn't there; trying to compete with me when he was in rehab. I'd buy him a balloon bouquet, and she'd have to buy him a bigger one. She'd sent him these huge cards that I'd take down because they were confusing him. She'd visit and put them back up again. I bought him a plant for his room and she had to bring him a larger one.

I finally put a damper on her visiting him anymore as she was just a thorn in my families side. She kept calling and calling, until the Social Worker finally stopped me in the hallway and asked why she wasn't welcome. As I explained the situation to him, one of my remarks to him was, "She's like a puss dripping rash that just won't go away.."

Well, one of her family members worked there, unbeknownst to me. When my dad was finally recovered enough for more visitors, he told me to just let her come as she kept calling him on his room phone. Made me sooo angry!!

One day I was sitting in my dad's room visiting with him and her and her dad came walking in his room. As she waltzed in she said, "Here come the rashes.."

I soo wanted to punch her, but told my dad, "I'll be back.." and went outside. Couldn't stand the site of her!! When I came back half an hour later, I told her dad (who was a very nice man..this was not HIS fault..), "You've been such a good friend to my dad all these years and I appreciate you're coming to visit him. Thank you. Please feel free to visit him anytime."

Then I asked his daughter if I could talk to her in the hallway and let her know my feelings.

So I guess, to be honest to everyone posting here, if you can understand just a bit that every one of us is a bit of a Daddy's girl. I'd do anything for my dad and have done everything for my dad into his elderly years. Daughters can be very protective of our dads...as our dads have always been of us.

When my dad walked me down the aisle, both times he told my future husbands, "I'll walk her down the aisle, but I'll never give her away..she'll always be MY little girl"

One day when we were all sitting at the kitchen table, I told my SD, "I'm your dad's wife, but there's one thing I'll never be..his little girl. And I can bet that when the day comes that you get married, your dad is going to say the same thing to you that my dad said to me.."I'll walk you down the aisle..but I'm never giving you away..because you'll always be my little girl.."

Maybe I can be the one to shed some light on this difficult situation and fill Sally's shoes? They seem like pretty big shoes to fill but I'll sure try..:)

Very inspirational Memyself and I....does shed light on both sides....You have to be a remarkable lady given all these experiences.

Since daddy is ineffectual in enforcing behavioral standards it is time to for YOU to jerk a knot in SD's tail. Take her out for dinner, lay it all out on the table, inform her that she is no mystery and that she will stop her Lolita incestuous daddy crap immediately or she will no longer have access to either your home or her daddy.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

IMHO of course.