Mother in laws favortism

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How to deal with mil who doesnt acknowlede you or your kids? Never had an issue with this woman yet when she (rarley) comes over its to visit ss and our twins. She even text's SO every time "want to visit you ss and the girls" EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Its so infuriating. My SO is raising my almost 3 year old son as his father isnt in the picture And i have 2 other children here full time. (3 mine 2 with SO and his son) none of my kids get presets or acknowledgement unlike our twins and my ss. She doesnt acknowledge my kids on their birthdays, holidays; never. I know i cannot expect her to feel the same for my kids as her biological grandchildren but it feels like an obviously blantent disregard for us. After almost 3 years she has never tried having any relationship with me or my kids. SO doesnt speak up to her about it and im to the point i dont want her here.

Oh Dear... it's very easy....

Oh Dear... it's very easy.... your Bio's is not family to MIL, she does not have to do anything for them..

You have parents, they can spoil your children and ignore the skids, really it's the way it is... nothing you can do about it. You can only teach your children that MIL is not their Gran but she's the other kids gran.

Nope, that's not on. I

Nope, that's not on. I wouldn't allow her to give ANY of the children presents if that's the way she behaves.

That's so cruel.

Yea after last christmas i

Yea after last christmas i told my SO to just take the kids to her house to open gifts from now on. She came over a week after christmas with gifts for ss and the twins and the rest of the kids had to just sit and watch as they opened them. SO sees the issue but i think hes in the same boat as me not knowing what to do about it

That is just wrong. She

That is just wrong. She should have a least given them something small. I always went to my Aunt's Husband side of the family for Christmas as a child. I always brought everyone a token gift. The grandkids always got big gifts but I was always acknowledged with something small. Some of them stuff were things I would never use but it is the thought I was there and not left out.

I do believe she is not required to love your other kids just like SMs don't have to but you should always be cordial and polite to everyone. If she can't even say hello/goodbye or how are you? to your kids when she sees them then something is wrong with her.

I hate when people say First

I hate when people say First world problems. Hello, that's where we live.

Second, it is cruel to bring gifts for only some of the kids.

I agree with this. If MIL

I agree with this. If MIL wants to buy presents for only her biological grandkids, that's her prerogative. The other kids have other grandparents. I don't see how it's so hard to explain to them that she doesn't buy them presents because she isn't their grandmother.

What I would have a problem with was if when she visited she wouldn't even acknowledge the other people in the home. THAT is rude.

I might not be so militant as to make visits happen elsewhere, but I might occupy the other kids with things while she is there so she can visit with her grandkids.

My dad doesn't buy gifts for my SD's though they have gotten things from him at various times.. but he doesn't even really buy ME stuff.. usually just a check at the holidays if he remembers.

I totally accept the fact

I totally accept the fact that it would be hard to treat my kids as if they were her biological grandchildren. Its more the fact that they nor I exist to her, even in my own home. They are all young so explaining it would be difficult now. His oldest and my oldest are both 9 and the youngest ones are the twins who are are 18 months. I would never accept behavior like that from my family. I can say i dont feel the same towards ss as i do my own but that doesnt me treat him any differently and I wouldnt allow him to be subjected to anything that would make him feel less than others in our family. As hard as step parenting is i work hard to look past my feelings for the sake of all kids. Ive thought about having a conversation with SO i really dont think he would have an issue with helping to resolve it i just dont know how MIL would react; seeing as i really dont think she cares much for me with with her actions and i dont want to cause any problems between SO and his mom. And i have absolutley no idea how to resolve it. I havent tried to deal with the situation because of that. My SO and i are both people pleasers we dont like conflict but when it comes to our children i think there is an exception. Even if you dont agree with kids being treated equally; imagine your MIL coming into YOUR home and not even acknowledging your exsistance, like you and your kids arent there and feel out of place in your home. Thats a crappy position to be in.

Yes it might not make a

Yes it might not make a difference to her. It does to us we are still a family with or without paper. We had a conversation this afternoon. He doesnt agree with her behavior either thats why i came to this site to try to find some kind of path to take with it from women that might understand where im coming from. He agreed that visits at her home are best for holidays any other time she wants to visit she can but he will insist she doesnt treat me or my kids unfairly in our home or she doesnt need to come over.

It shouldn't matter that you

It shouldn't matter that you aren't married. You and your SO made a choice to be together and act like a family, or so it sounds like that's the case...

I started dating my now husband when my stepdaughter was 11months old. Him and BM broke up pretty soon after she was born and BM left her.

My family never ONCE hesitated to take my stepdaughter in and treat her as their own - and that includes my ENTIRE family; from my sister/brother to my parents to my grandparents to my aunts/uncles. She was welcomed to the family immediately and since then, she gets spoiled every birthday or holiday from them. My grandparents wrote down her birthday upon meeting her and haven't forgotten to send a gift since.

From the looks of the comments here, everyone is different, but my family takes the concept of family seriously - whether blended or intact. YES, SD has other grandparents, great grandparents, etc. that are biological but when she joined my family she gained more people who love her and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Yes we are not married, we

Yes we are not married, we are engaged but not married and not really in a rush to we are a family whether we have a piece of paper or not. we own a home together and have kids together and both treat each others kids as if they were our own. Maybe I shouldnt have mentioned the presents because that seems to be what a lot of people took from my post but that was just an example the issue is not being acknowledged; me or my children. Im not materialistic in a way that i would throw a fit over my kids not getting toys. My family iss the exact ssame way they were hesitant at first but once we became a family they treated us as such. I appreciate all the advice ive gotten and plan to just have visits moved to her home.

Yes we are not married, we

If someone ignored my kids in

If someone ignored my kids in my home I wouldn't wait on someone else to say something to them, I'd say it myself then I'd let em' know not to come back over if they thought they might continue to act the same way.
She is not obligated to buy your kids anything even if you do get married. It isn't her fault that your children's bio family doesn't step up and buy them the gifts they should be getting. Why don't you keep some some toys set aside to give out when this happens? I would say something loud and to the point when you pass them out "here kids, since someone visiting doesn't have any manners I wanted to let you know I picked up a little something for you".
And if you know she ignores your kids why would you be there when she arrived to allow it to happen, especially if you don't stand up for yourself.

Ok im really not sure what

Ok im really not sure what warranted such rude comments. Yes my twins are 18 months but i had them at 26 weeks. They were micro preemies. We have been together for over 2 years. Not sure theres a time limit on when you are to be respected in your own home? 3 years maybe? And as my other comment stated it is NOT all about presents its about not being acknowledged at all.

Thanks all for the advice i REALLY appreciate it. We have come to a conclusion to have visits at her home for holidays and if she wants to visit in our home she will fairly acknowledge all of us or she doesnt need to come over. In over two years this is the only issue we have had with our blended family, it may not seem like a long time to some that have been in a family longer but we are still family and treat each other as such <3

Thank you!! <3 People are

Thank you!! <3 People are quick to judge and thats ok, i just needed advice lol which I got and it helped! I just feel sad for her that she acts that way. Shes really missing out in my opinion. But its an absolute superpower to be able to politely ignore half the people in our residence lol

Your MIL is exactly like my

Your MIL is exactly like my DH's sister

Has always treated me, literally like I don't exist

Often doesn't say hello, how are you, good-bye, etc...nor even answers sometimes on the occasions that I take the high road and still speak to her

At Christmas for example, DH's sister would show up with gifts for every single person in 'her family' - MIL, FIL, DH, and SD's - and make a big deal about giving each person their gifts, and completely ignore me without so much as a card or hello, let a alone a gift

I found that shockingly rude behaviour. It was NEVER about the gifts! Seriously. It was about all the same things your MIL does with you. Not acknowledging you, or your children, acting like you don't even exist. As if you and your family are not good enough for hers.

My SIL (and OSD) are still rude and inhospital to me. Always making sure I understand how "not family" "not important" "not liked" I am to them

I used to be generous and thoughtful to all of DH's family including his sister during those times, now it's up to DH to look after his OSD and sister (I'll sign my name to a card that's it) and I look after my family (sign DH's family to the card)

My attitude at this point is - so be it

Move on with your life and don't give her the satisfaction of thinking you even care!

Explain to your kids all the great things the other OP's have suggested. Don't waste your time or energy worrying about someone whos clearly isn't good enough for YOU.

Focus on the people who bring good energy in your life - your DH, your family and friends. Your MIL simply isn't part of that world

I get the impression that the

I get the impression that the MIL doesn't accept or approve of your relationship with her son and she's being passive aggressive about it. Ignoring you and your children is her way of expressing this disapproval without actually verbalizing her feelings. When you started the relationship you came with a baby and two other children. In her eyes perhaps she felt like her son was going to be taken advantage of by you, and it would seem she hasn't changed her mind about that.

I'm assuming your SO has had a few discussions with her about the elephant in the room meaning the way she rejects the relationship. What does she say about it?

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Mother in laws favortism