"Create your own holiday traditions: Holidays can be particularly painful for stepmothers who may be excluded from special occasions, such as weddings or Christmas, even after years of marriage to their partners. Other stepmothers can feel like outsiders at holiday gatherings. If you experience feelings of dread prior to certain family events, start your own traditions. Have an annual Halloween, Thanksgiving, or Easter gathering. You will have more control when you host your own holiday celebrations."

SMs who are excluded or ignored should expect to make alternate plans for the rest of their lives, if the skids purposely exclude or ignore them during holidays, weddings, etc.

I get the general jist of this statement but still have to say "bah humbug."

My solution is to disengage as best as I possibly can from anything to do with skids and holidays. I no longer cook, host, invite, shop, etc. Same will go with weddings, grandskids, etc.

I refuse to waste any more of my time on this planet to try and appease or accommodate ungrateful skids during holidays or special occasions.

I do agree that you can start your own holiday traditions - which I think means spending time with those who care about YOU (your own family, friends, volunteering, etc.)

The last time I was dragged to SD's to see her new house, she didn't even bother to offer her father or I a glass of water! Some hostess.

I really just gloss over articles like this because it's common sense stuff. Do we really need to be told that the parent should take an active role in parenting their own children? That it's okay have house rules? That we need time with our spouses? That we don't have to have unconditional love for kids that are not our own? That we need to be happy in order to do anybody else any good? Please.

Common sense.

The author is a psychotherapist in private practice in New York City and a stepmother coach. Funny, but it does not say she is a SM. Hmmm. And, my impression when I first started reading is that it was written by a "professional," but not written by someone who was a SM. In some ways, reading between the lines the article still implies that SMs are more or less accessories to their DH vs. DH's wife.

Maybe I should have read that article better. If the author makes it sound like SMs are supposed to contend with being excluded at Holiday or special events, to that.

This is what that para. should have said: "Go off with your husband and create your own holiday traditions: Holidays can be particularly painful for stepmothers who may either be excluded from or screwed up the wazoo by "daring to attend" special occasions, such as weddings or Christmas, even after years of marriage to their spouses. BM and SKs, etc. will all go around acting like BM and DH are still married to each other. If you experience feelings of dread prior to certain family events, tell DH he can go alone, if he wants, because you ain't gonna be the family punching bag for the 1111th time. No use hosting your own holiday celebrations, because a) SKs and their family will probably not be coming, or b) They'll put stipulations on their attendance even tho. you are hosing the event. Instead, plan a spa day, a special day with your parents or whatever you want. DH can join you if he wants or spend time solo with the initial family. It's your choice, and it's his choice. You don't have to contend with being ambushed at every family event, unless you want to. And, if you're particularly courageous, attend these events whether you're invited or not. Everyone knows if you invite 1/2 of a couple, you are really inviting the couple! Go looking like Sofía Vergara in a red dress and play the flaming 2nd wife to the max."