50/50 BF worried about schooling:

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Long story short, I am the birth father to my 3 year old son. My ex and I divorced this past October and she moved in with family 30 miles away which isn't currently an issue as he is not in preschool yet. Her original plan (she was working near me) was for her to eventually get on her feet, possibly get a better job out this way and to move back into the area by the time he is in school. She has since taken a job just over the border into Ohio (She is currently living 2 miles from Ohio, I am 30 miles from Ohio) and now is considering staying in that area when she gets her own place. This is concerning as we have 50/50 split physical and legal custody of him and every time I bring up the potential problem this creates with him hopefully in preschool either in the fall or next spring she just say "That's a long way off" or "we have time before that is an issue." I have always been the responsible parent, take him to every single one of his doctor appointments (or my mom does) and pay all of his medical bills even though she's supposed to pay a percentage. His primary babysitter until this past week has always been my mom for both of us but since she started the new job she had to make other arrangements. His doctor is up this way and my mom will be the emergency contact if both of us are unavailable when he's in school.

My questions/concerns are basically what we will do for him when schooling happens and what it may do to custody. Does anyone have experience with a similar situation?

Any advice is appreciated and thanks in advance!

I guess that it might still

I guess that it might still be possible to work out 50/50 with different days of the week?

I guess depending upon which school district is better, that would be the school choice and the other parent would get longer time in the summer and breaks to make up for the school year days. Maybe even every weekend with one weekday or something and that parent would have to get kid to school that extra day which would mean some driving?

In our case, we were at times 3 hours from DH's girls... so we tended to get more time during the summer and breaks.

Based off of my initial

Based off of my initial research it seems that there is a school district by her that is good, but would be an added 20 minutes further for me, roughly an hour away. There are multiple good districts by me including the one I currently live in that are currently roughly 30 minute drive for her. She lives in a more rural area so schools are very spread out which is why it would be significantly further.

Our plan was always his schooling would either be this way or we'd both try to move towards the middle but she told me two days ago her plan is no longer to move North but to stay in the same area. That's what has me now concerned. At one point she had me do research on schools in this area and she was planning on our son going to school up in this area.

Thank you for your response. I'm hoping to keep us both able to see him regularly during school and summer and avoid something like that while also promoting an environment he can have school friends that he can see regularly after school, etc.

I hate to suggest it because

I hate to suggest it because it IS her choice that may be creating the issue, but what about the possibility of you moving closer to her? TBH, I once lived 55 miles from my job (ONE WAY!). I made that commute for more than 5 years:).

Since it's a matter of 30 minutes between you basically, if you moved maybe 10-15 minutes towards her.. maybe if she moved 10-15 towards you? I know people that work in different cities and split the difference where they live. Just thinking if there would be a middle ground solution that might not inconvenience you guys too much.

It also is a little bit down the road, things happen.. maybe she will want to move in a year, it's hard to say right?

I agree, the time to move on

I agree, the time to move on this is now. She moved, I'm assuming out of the marital home? Lock in your school and let her figure out the transportation on her end. The BM in my case is very much like this, changing jobs and moving all the time. My DH had to take it to court to get the kids in our school district where it's more stable.

This will likely end up in

This will likely end up in front of a judge....I assume that your divorce was filed in your state and not Ohio? If I were you, I would get out in front of this now, because possession is nine tenths of the school battle, and if she enrolls him, then a judge may be loathe to move him once he's started school.

If you are in Michigan, and you already have joint legal and physical custody, you stand a good shot at keeping it. Know your rights and know the laws of the state in which your case is filed.

I originally had suggested to

I originally had suggested to her that I would move slightly towards her and be right near the highway so it would make the drive shorter and easier, and she had originally talked about moving roughly 10 minutes closer, but now she is saying she wants to stay in the same area. The problem with where she is now and schooling down there is that she is far from the highway and the school is even further from it. I am more than willing to "split the difference" if she it, she just seems pretty dead set on staying right there. I was intentionally delaying purchasing a house until I have this settled, I'd hate to lock myself into a mortgage and end up wishing I was closer to work (if he goes to school by me) or closer to a different school if he's going elsewhere.

Thanks everyone again!

I originally had suggested to

Thanks everyone again!

If your schedule of 50/50 is

If your schedule of 50/50 is now week on-week off, you might think about getting your in a pre-school/daycare during your weeks now.

It gets the little one established, starts getting him use to being with other children rather than Grandma all day and gives him a good start in starting to learn in a classroom situation and play scenarios.

It's great your mother has helped you so, but it's getting time where, even if it's just a day or two a week, your son starts experiencing with other kids. It also gets you ahead in establishing your son in your area.

She moved after the divorce

She moved after the divorce was final, we were still living together throughout the process. She is currently living with her 70+ year old aunt that is a "Snow Bird" and lives in Florida 6 months a year. All other family lives in Ohio 15-25 minutes away.

Our 50/50 schedule is a bit of a strange one but worked best for what we wanted. She never lived a wild and party lifestyle prior to marriage and has started to do so since the divorce and thus she wanted weekends without him, whereas I love having him weekends as I get more time with him. Our schedule is that I get him Wednesday to Sunday one week, and Thursday to Sunday the following week. Throughout the divorce until this point I had him 1-2 extra nights per week until 10PM when she would get out of work and she'd pick him up while he was sleeping. Since divorce I have had him probably 60-65% of the time despite it being "50/50." My son asks me to not have to go with her every time he does but I know at his age that will be irrelevant in court unless I find reasoning of why he wouldn't want to be there. (Bad environment, etc)

I feel it is in his best interest to either go to school near me, or if she goes back to what she had discussed at one point of moving 10 miles north which would put us within 15 minutes of each other. I will have a talk with her once she's more settled into her new job and try to force the issue without her giving the runaround about it as it is very important to me that we have a plan for our son. She's very nonchalant about all things in life and doesn't plan ahead which has led to problems in the past.

Thanks everyone, just joined this when I found the site when looking for any advice I could.

Echo, what is 4K? Sorry,

Echo, what is 4K? Sorry, don't know that terminology.

Her aunt is gone for the 6 months but the aunts 42 year old daughter lives there year round but isn't available as a babysitter. We both work full time schedules during day time hours now with her new job. I work 7 to 5 with a boss that is amazing for if I have to leave early, come in late, leave for two hours for my son's doctor appointment, etc. Her job she just got so it's tough to gauge how exactly it will be long term.

Thanks again to everyone.

In our experience the child

In our experience the child is to be enrolled in the district with the longest residence. If she has been moving around and you've remained in one spot the child should be enrolled in the school in your district. It depends what might have been in custody arrangement papers.If she hasn't been very reliable she may not fight you on it, but in the same regard you can always end up in court if she doesn't agree. My opinion, in regard to the child's best interest, it would be enrollment near you and your mother, but you never know what a judge will decide.

~30miles is not far enough to

~30miles is not far enough to necessitate a change to the 50/50 agreement before the kid reached school age. In our experience most jurisdictions do not invoke a long distance visitation schedule until the parents live 200+ miles from each other.

I would suggest what you do is get to court to get a travel responsibility stipulation put in your CO that mandates that each party is responsible for picking the kid up and transferring him to their location. The problem will be with school of course and since she is the one that moved you may want to consider taking possession of your son and initiating a custody effort naming yourself CP and your X as NCP. Since you consistently have the boy ~65% of the time now is the time to do it.

Then you may be able to get a visitation schedule invoked rather than 50/50. If you are the more geographically and financially stable parent... you may be successful.... if you can overcome the court bias in favor of BMs.

Good luck.

When my SS started school BM

When my SS started school BM wanted him to go to a certain school and DH wanted him to go to another in a different city but only about 20 minutes away and in the town that SS was born and had mostly grown up. It was because BM had moved to this new town that she now wanted SS to go to a school she chose. They ended up in court about it and because DH drove to that town every day for work it was decided that SS would go to the school BM wanted. That was for Kindergarten.

Now SS is entering 4th in the fall and every year since K, BM has made a comment to the teacher that SS will not be back next year because she has since relocated again to a different town 20 minutes away from the current school and wants him to go to school in that city. Every year we tell her that she will have to take us to court but she never has because we are assuming they would still say no you both work in that city, that is where he goes to school.

We also have 50/50 custody. Your situation is a little different because you have many more miles between your homes but it sounds to me like the kiddo is already established in your area and I feel as though the courts would want to keep it that way. BM needs to move back or lose 50/50. I also agree with a lot of other comments that you should get him into a preK program, it would help a lot and some places will let you pay by the day since you don't always have him on set days. I know ours did!

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50/50 BF worried about schooling: