Super Bowl party and SS
DH is best friends with the neighbor so for Super Bowl we are having a combined party. The neighbor's have a nice outside TV and bar so we'll be over there mainly but both of us sharing the cooking. We've also both invited friends. Well I guess DH talked to SS today. The same stepson who threw a hissy fit when DH went to my son's boot camp graduation and screamed about me having DH b@ll$. Now he's planning on coming to the super bowl party and bringing SGD5.
Normally I would love having her over. However since SS's fit I haven't had anything to do with them. In the past SS would come over and dump SGD on me or one of my daughters to watch while he was here. He will literally never check on her the whole time he is here. Well neither of my daughters will be here since one is in college now and one will be at her father's house. I had planned on hanging out with the grown ups and drinking! I already bought the cocktails and wine for me and the girls. I will not be a babysitter! And since it has been made very clear I am not considered "family" I will not be used a "grandma" only when it's convenient to SS. If I'm banned from birthday parties, holidays, and other "family" get togethers I won't leave my own party to babysit!
Who brings a 5 year old to a grown up Super Bowl party anyway!!! The only other kid who will be here is my 17 year old son. :/
Who invited him to the
Who invited him to the Superbowl Party? Knowing the situation between you two? I'm sorry you're going through this. I would make it clear to DH that since he issued an invitation, he can deal with it. And deal with it he should. You come first. Good luck!
THIS^^^^^ I would be super
THIS^^^^^
I would be super pissed if I was your neighbor and I thought I was hosting an adult party to have someone show up with a 5 YO and to top it off, a 5 YO that isn't watched by the parent. Did you ask DH if he asked the neighbor if kids could come?
I asked DH if he told them he
I asked DH if he told them he said "not yet". Honestly probably never crossed DH mind that there would be no other kids there. Also the neighbor's wife does not like the SDs so I'm hoping they will not show too now! They were rude to her once too and she was pissed.
Hold on.... who said you have
Hold on.... who said you have to babysit SDG5?
If SS pitch simply enjoy your party, no one said you can't drink and have to look after the girl... You chat with her now and again if she comes to you, if she asks you something, simply say... Oh let's go and find Daddy sweet heart... take her hand walk up to SS and say your daughter needs you, leave her and walk away
Tell husband now so he can
Tell husband now so he can speak to his son and arrange for a sitter if child is still coming. The party isn't in your home. Adult Super Bowl parties are not for five year olds. While you will be running back and forth some for cooking and gathering up foods, no one will be in house to properly tend to a small child.
DH can either spend today and tomorrow searching for a HS/college girl who like to make some pocket cash by babysitting at your home or he can tell son SGD will have to stay with someone else elsewhere. GPa can then get a couple kiddie dvds and/or something like board game Candyland and Old Maid cards and babysitter and SGD can have their own little party in your family room or whatever with a few snacks.
Also make sure if DH hires a sitter that she has a drivers license and is willing to drive SGD home afterwards in case SS has been drinking. SGD can't stay after the party nor will you tolerate her leaving with someone intoxicated.
Obviously your DH didn't think out his invitation very well before issuing it. He's got two choices 1)kiddo doesn't come 2)Grandpa makes arrangements for his littlest guest.
Enjoy your party, your drinks and your friends.
twoviewpoints - why should
twoviewpoints - why should her DH be searching for anything for the grand daughter or pay for anything...
why can't he simply tell SS - sorry kiddo but you will have to arrange some one to take care of SDG?
Why can't DH make sure his son does not drink by reminding him - you have a small child with you, it's not a good idea to be drinking and driving, or drinking with a minor in your care?
SA - I never said ignore the
SA - I never said ignore the little girl, I mean is she needs to go to the loo, yes take her... but if she's bored then call Daddy...... you can still be friendly and chat with her, but do not give up your outing to be baby sitter...
You drink your wine and chat to your adult friends, SS can look after his daughter and entertain her...
No one will give you a funny look, you simply state I'm not her parent and I do not want to confuse her with different parenting styles
Thankfully we're really good
Thankfully we're really good friend with the neighbor's so they fully aware of the issues with the steps. Neighbor's wife has felt the brunt of their rudeness before. I always have an open invitation to hid there when they are over! LOL
I gave the OP a alternative
I gave the OP a alternative way to deal with her idiot husband. Yes, she certainly can just tell DH 'no, ain't happening'. Her husband doesn't "have to do" anything I suggested.
It is, however, what my own husband would be told. My DH would be told that a five year old would not be crashing an adult party. But as I have nothing against an innocent child that happened to belong to my husband, I also would give him choices as to how he could handle the stupid invitation he had issued. As long as I'm not babysitting, money for sitter and entertainment isn't coming out of my personal cash and I don't have to go out of my way to change any of my personal plans, meh, I'm good.
My husband would not have invited prior to discussing it with me. If he did come and discuss the choices I gave above about a sitter would be offered. It's the way we roll. We've been together a long long time (37yrs this month). Right or wrong, to me I'd rather know my grandkid was safe and being cared for than wondering if a drinking partying SS was going to look out for the kid. I wouldn't tell Dh he couldn't invite the idiot SS because the party is not in my home. I do have a son-in-law (an ignorant horse's ass) who is banned from my home. His wife, my DD is not, nor is my grandson. I have occasionally tolerated the horse's ass on a few occasions (not in my home). He minds his manners or stays clear of me. Horse's ass and I settled years ago. He's nobody to me. His child (my grandson) is. SIL and I are happily disengaged from each other.
ah thank twoview, now I get
ah thank twoview, now I get it......
teaches me not reading and paying attention
In advance, I would have a
In advance, I would have a quiet and cordial conversation with your DH.
"Honey, I just want to let you know up front that I want to enjoy the party on Sunday, but I'm a little worried that SGD5 will be bored, or that people will expect me to care for her. Just so you know, I'm up for enjoying an adult party. If your son doesn't take care of SGD5, then the duties fall to YOU. I'm not going to get in the middle of it."
Then on Sunday, I would be kind to the girl and friendly but if she starts to hover around you take her over to GRAMPS so he can entertain her.
As a last resort, I would be disappearing at random times (running back to your house to pick up things you "forgot" and resettling the girl with eiter SS or your DH ever time.
What? You are not invited to
What? You are not invited to any of their (SK's parties, completely disinvited), and this kid of his is invited to parties where you are invited. etc?
Is that correct?
If so, time to take HB's balls and throw them back (rather than gently place), into your purse-- because your husband is crazy far gone if he expects you to be in presence of people who purposefully exclude you at every opportunity; while you are forced to babysit and remain silent regarding his brat's horrible treatment.
I would not go, if this is the actual case; husband can marry his kid and you will pack his bags.
oh that's lovely! for the
oh that's lovely! for the last nine years, i have been DYING to get a t-shirt that says "18 - 1" on it. but sadly, no one around here would understand the reference....
This was not very well
This was not very well thought out by your DH. He makes what appears to be a spur of the moment decision without discussing it with you and expects you to just adapt to whatever comes your way or you look like the bad guy. He didn't throw you under a bus - it's more like an earth mover. He's put you in a no-win situation. If DH 'uninvites' SS and SGD, he will not have the balls to keep you from getting the blame. I would let him know that due to SS's treatment of you, and that you are not acknowledged as SGD's grandparent or family, you will not be taking care of SGD. I would not give DH any suggestions. He made the decision, he can deal with it.
You can briefly inform the women who will be attending the event that SS does not consider you as family - or a grandparent. You can add that you feel bad for SGD but you do not want to make SS mad.
I agree that sports events can be a family affair if it consists of people of all ages. I feel sorry for SGD because her Father will not give up a football game to be with his daughter.