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Marriage is a partnership, not a dictatorship

tofurkey's picture

Submitted by tofurkey on Tue, 09/14/2010 - 11:37am

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Blended Family Issues

I am a firm believer that marriage is a partnership, not a dictatorship. Success comes from a life full of compromise and making sure both partners are happy. People posting about me that my marriage will end up in divorce due to the fact that I from time to time struggle with SKID issues.

If a SM is unhappy with having SKIDS every weekend, and DH is unhappy with having kids no weekends, isn't the reasonable compromise to do an EOW setup, then everyone is happy? I don't think that this makes the SM a horrible, selfish person, but rather the other half of a marriage.

I understand that everyone has their opinions, and obviously if everyone agreed on everything we wouldn't live in the world we do. But, people should be able to come on here and voice their opinions without fearing a backlash of posters over reacting and taking things personally. If I can agree with someone's frustrations, and shed some light on the fact that they are not alone to support them, then I most certainly will. If I don't agree with someone's views on here, then I may respectfully and tactfully share the way that I see things, then they are getting more than one side of a situation. However, I do not jump down their throats if their views are not an exact match for mine.

tofurkey's picture

Submitted by tofurkey on Tue, 09/14/2010 - 12:07pm

I am not talking in terms of anyone "forcing" the other to do anything. I am talking in terms of it is discussed and a compromise is easily met

happymostly's picture

Submitted by happymostly on Tue, 09/14/2010 - 12:34pm

I agree with you that marriages are a partnership. But I think my dh would chop my head off if I asked him to not see sd as much. But then again, I love my sd and want to spend more time with her, and shes not a brat (yet). If I did have problems with sd and he knew that she was a brat/disrespectful to me, it *might* be different, like if it was as bad as some of the cases Ive read about on here, I *might* be inclined to ask my dh for a compromise, but I probably would be scared of his reaction honestly. He loves his daughter fiercely and he wont let anyone get in the way of that and I dont think I could ever ask him to not see her as often. I would probably remove myself from the situation when he had her, if at all possible. but right now i dont have to worry about that since im away from them anyway for school.

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Tue, 09/14/2010 - 12:36pm

I agree Tofurkey, why should the wishes of the spouse who brought the children into the marriage be deemed more important than the spouse who did not? Because kids are involved??

By saying that you would prefer not to have Skids every weekend does that make you the wicked stepmother who has total disregard for her spouse's children? NO, you are asking for fair and equitable, unfortunately because it pertains to kids, it's perceived as being domineering and hateful.

Is it possible in your situation to do EOWE and one night per week? It would equal the same number of days per month as EWE but give you a couple of skid free weekends to do adult stuff. Honestly I'd rather have the Skids on a week night than have them all weekend!

tofurkey's picture

Submitted by tofurkey on Tue, 09/14/2010 - 12:43pm

Daizy - it would be so nice to have SKID during a weekday. It gets difficult, both DH and I work our butt's off during the week, and the weekend is the only time I get to spend time with him. We love spending time togther, do everything together, we are best friends so even every other weekend is hard for me to deal with, but it's fair and i love DH so i deal with it.

Yeah, i'm getting pretty sick of looking like an evil person just because I love spending time with DH just the two of us with no screaching, crying, or tantrums. I guess i'm just that strange Wink

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Sun, 11/06/2016 - 6:20am

I am not sure that compromise is the key to a successful marriage partnership. I like the word "alignment" better than compromise. With compromise I don't believe any one is happy. With alignment everyone can be happy.

But, I am in absolute agreement that marriage is a partnership. Both spouses have to be equity partners in the marriage, equity parents to all children in the family (his, hers and theirs), and equity decision makers in all decisions that impact the marriage and the family that the marriage is the heart of.

I also agree that everyone should be able to express their frustrations here on Stalk. I may not agree with everyone all of the time, but venting is cathartic whether the audience agrees or not.

Spending time together occassionally without the children is critical to every marriage. Regardless of if the kids are bio, step, or otherwise.

Vent away.

Best regards,