Usually Post in The General Forum
Thought I should stay with this forum from here on out. SD24 gave birth to an apparently healthy baby boy last Thursday, they came to our house on Saturday (DW said that SD could stay the weekend with the baby to band some) the sperm donor was also there and they stayed through Tuesday afternoon. SD24 was doing pretty good, DSS has loosened on some of the restrictions since SD24 has been showing compliancy throughout the process, hopefully she actually is getting straight and doesn't go back to the drugs once the state is out of the picture. She even made attempts to be friendly with me, she has yet to apologize for the years of hell that she continues to put us through but that might be a pipe dream on my part.
So they leave on Tuesday evening, not more than an hour later she calls DW crying because the sperm donor has accused her of trying to cheat on him again (seriously???!!!) Not the first time he has done this, it's basically a weekly thing that I figured was due to the drug use (paranoia) if I'm correct that means if SD24 wants her children back she will need to leave him and she has lost her safety nets since she can't live with her own children right now and between us and my inlaws that's where the kids are, drama, drama, drama.
Now my concern is either she stays with this idiot or she rides it out with him till she can get her children back and she winds up back under my roof for some undetermined amount of time, to "get her life together", which hasn't worked out in the past, not feeling good that it will work another time around.
No actual question this go around just venting and sharing.
Insanity is doing the same
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a different result.
Nope, SD-24 needs to sink or swim on her own and far from your home or your IL's home.
It is time for her to actually be held accountable and for everyone to stop enabling her crap and mitigating the consequences she should have to live.
IMHO of course.
Good luck and take care of those kids. There mother is too big of a parental waste of skin to do it.
Don't forget to take care of you.
Oh myyyy, why are earth would
Oh myyyy, why are earth would you allow your bio or anyone else's bio with a newborn stay at your house.
They MUST find their own way regardless of their circumstances.
But hey that is just me. YES I have adult bio and NO I would not offer up a room to him/her/them.
Here is social services phone number, they will hook you UP with food stamps, housing, welfare and wic. WE love you and we support your decisions but they will be made inside YOUR own place, not ours.
stop enabling this and give yourself that power to do it too.
That's harsh. We stayed with
That's harsh. We stayed with my parents due the housing market where we are at. We were there a total of a year and half. (Would have been out in a year but we built a house)
I will say no drug problems DH was working, I was very pregnant but eventually went back to work. And my parents have the same.
PS it is not his duty to take
PS it is not his duty to take care of the newborn. It is the bio mom and the bio dads. JMO
Of course if there is abuse, report it.
DW knows she has been
DW knows she has been enabling, she has at least admitted that, changing is a different story that takes work and she is working at it slowly but surely. This was a situation where not much of choice existed, foster care or us, not much of an argument. The rest is just the same old junk, hopefully things are on the upswing this time.
Rags- That's one of my favorite quotes from Einstein BTW.
Bio Dad is several states
Bio Dad is several states away and aside fried from gift giving he only ever pitches in now and then, he doesn't want the responsibility of being a father just the adulation.
Read my other Blogs prior to
Read my other Blogs prior to this one and you will get the whole picture, I glossed over it this time.
Hi, Major Blunder. I think
Hi, Major Blunder. I think you're a great addition to this site.
I also think you've been too nice for too long and need to take a stand because your DW's methods will only lead to further heartache and dysfunction that will affect all of you. You need to be strong enough for both of you.
I have a sister-in-law who back in the day was probably a lot like your SD in that she picked losers and bred with them. The family took her and the kids as a package deal, enabling her and looking the other way as she lived a life of chaos, drugs, and loser men. No one put the kid's best interests first. No one called CPS, or offered to take the kids. Today, they are adult messes because their primary influence was a mess.
So, if you really want to help, help with the kids separately from SD. I realise that she has a newborn, but you can help with babysitting, overnights, diapers, etc. Never cash. Do not allow her to use those kids as a golden ticket and do not allow her to move in with you. Make it policy that you will help care for the gskids, but not the able bodied mother. She will either step up and put her kids first, or find someone else to mooch off of.
Thanks Actually I haven't
Thanks
Actually I haven't always been nice, after almost 14 years they have definitely seen the not nice Major and know how much of an a$$hole he can be when pushed. And DW is doing much better this time around, still softer than I am but better (baby steps)
This is REALLY good advice.
This is REALLY good advice. Surely you can sell this to your DW? Help the babies but do not enable SD.
I do recall that this mother
I do recall that this mother is not allowed by the state to take on her own newborn.
I'm just sorry that you do have to take him. All best wishes to tiny little man but you deserve a life, too. This baby is likely to romanticize his mother and even gravitate to her lifestyle as he gets older. And the nice people who raised him will get his anger. We've seen it again and again.
I don't have any advice today. It must have been a very intense week for you. Glad you survived.
Wait, I do have some advice. DW should tell SD24 she won't listen any more to the drama about her bf and his jealousies. Well, I know she's not ready to do that. But I do advise you to tell dw in a very serene manner that you're done hearing about it. Then walk away or change the subject every time she starts to unload it on you. You will be amazed at how much better your life will be with just that.
See SD is dumping her angst on her mom who is then dumping it on you. Let the angst stay where it originated. That's one small step in shutting off the enabling.
And, btw, I echo exjuliemccoy. Glad to have you here.
I take my hat off to you -
I take my hat off to you - being your age and having a new born in the house... no way I will do that...
Now if SD calls and cries, DW should simply tell her - you are an adult, you can get out of the situation I will help you once I see that you are serious....
Then I'm torn, to help SD, once again, I would demand she checks herself into rehab and therapy and after 90 days she can live with me for 30-60 days only to get back on her feet, not a day longer and no boyfriends during this period.
I will make her understand this and DW, and DW will know if she does not back me up she can walk with her daughter...
time for tough love IMO.... oh and this advice from a big big skid hater }:)
SD is no longer allowed to
SD is no longer allowed to come live with us, and she knows this, I even repeated it to her yesterday. She understands that she needs to get her life together, now whether or not she does is another matter.
And thanks for all the welcomes, like I said I posted a few times before but figured this was the best forum for me. I'm usually the one making some funny comment on another post but this is my vent area, even if it doesn't sound like a lot of venting since I'm actually doing my damnedest to make these skids into decent human beings without losing my charming self in the process.
Combine my inherited humour,
Combine my inherited humour, education in Sociology focusing on Deviance and Criminality and love of the Horror Genre and get me for what it's worth.