opps learned not to hit return to fast.lol As I was going to say....My gf and i have been together for almost 3yrs now. Things are going great between us, would not change much of anything. We bought a house little over a year ago now. I have a 9yr old Bd and 4yr Bs. She has a 9yr old Bs. Things between the kids for the most part have been going about as well as one could expect giving all the changes of moving in together and what that all intales. But in the past few months the 9yr old kids have been getting on eachother nerves non-stop. They are so competetove towards each other that its just wearing us down. I mean its about everything. Constantly bickering and fighting about absolutely anything they come across. So last couple months we started paying closer attention to it since its kinda going beyond what we remember with our brothers and sisters as a kids.
Obvoiusly my gf and I have had quite a few talks about how to do this fairly and evenly. Were cracking down with stiffer rules and punishments to try and put a pause on this. My Bd seems to be responding to this for the most part but my Gf Bs is fighting tooth and nail. Will not listen and seems to rock every rule we set in place. It usually ends up if he fights it long enough then he gets out of punishment or chores and has run of the house to do what he pleases. Examples: 1) bedtime 9:30-hes never followed it once from what i can remember. Always has an excuse to do this or finish that. We even went to the point of writing a checklist for what to do b4 9:30, still excuse after excuse. 2) backtalks his mom in a way that if I would have tried as a kid wouldnt have been able to walk for a week 3) Taddels on my Bd for everthing as he knows she will get punished. Yet he throws a tantrum at her for taddeling on him to the point where she wont say anything anymore. 4) Ive watched him set my daugther up to get her in trouble by teasing her under his breathe and then when she retaliats and then he taddels on her. 5) we have a clean hour once a week. he talks his way out of it everytime, envites friends over or whatever. Says he will do his share later, never does. Just a few examples...
I mean theres a certain amount of this that kids are kids and I dont feel we need to address everything but what im concerned about is trying to cut this down b4 it gets worse. Im not trying to say im a better parent at all but the follow through on punishments/chores/responsiblities is 100% where my gf needs to improve...Time and time again he gets out of his pusnishment/chores/responsibilities and my Bd doesn't. It causing alot of resentment and backing off isnt the direction I thinks this needs to go. All in all hes a good kid we do alot of man stuff together and have a good time.
I feel alot of it stems from is that his mom is just to soft, maybe i am to tough? Im not asking her to be a drill sargent. Any advice on how much i should get involved in this?
Your girlfriend needs to grow a pair. It isn't fair to you that you are being consistent with the rules YOU BOTH agreed on, and she keeps caving. Because you are absolutely right, it will get worse if it continues to progress this way. As far as inviting his friends over, you can straight up tell them to get out, it's your house, not the son's. I don't think you're being too tough, boundaries have to be set, but again, it has to be consistent. And it will seem like it's getting worse before it gets better, but he has to know there are consequences, or you need to reconsider if this is what you want to continue to put yourself and your kids through.
opps learned not to hit
opps learned not to hit return to fast.lol As I was going to say....My gf and i have been together for almost 3yrs now. Things are going great between us, would not change much of anything. We bought a house little over a year ago now. I have a 9yr old Bd and 4yr Bs. She has a 9yr old Bs. Things between the kids for the most part have been going about as well as one could expect giving all the changes of moving in together and what that all intales. But in the past few months the 9yr old kids have been getting on eachother nerves non-stop. They are so competetove towards each other that its just wearing us down. I mean its about everything. Constantly bickering and fighting about absolutely anything they come across. So last couple months we started paying closer attention to it since its kinda going beyond what we remember with our brothers and sisters as a kids.
Obvoiusly my gf and I have had quite a few talks about how to do this fairly and evenly. Were cracking down with stiffer rules and punishments to try and put a pause on this. My Bd seems to be responding to this for the most part but my Gf Bs is fighting tooth and nail. Will not listen and seems to rock every rule we set in place. It usually ends up if he fights it long enough then he gets out of punishment or chores and has run of the house to do what he pleases. Examples: 1) bedtime 9:30-hes never followed it once from what i can remember. Always has an excuse to do this or finish that. We even went to the point of writing a checklist for what to do b4 9:30, still excuse after excuse. 2) backtalks his mom in a way that if I would have tried as a kid wouldnt have been able to walk for a week 3) Taddels on my Bd for everthing as he knows she will get punished. Yet he throws a tantrum at her for taddeling on him to the point where she wont say anything anymore. 4) Ive watched him set my daugther up to get her in trouble by teasing her under his breathe and then when she retaliats and then he taddels on her. 5) we have a clean hour once a week. he talks his way out of it everytime, envites friends over or whatever. Says he will do his share later, never does. Just a few examples...
I mean theres a certain amount of this that kids are kids and I dont feel we need to address everything but what im concerned about is trying to cut this down b4 it gets worse. Im not trying to say im a better parent at all but the follow through on punishments/chores/responsiblities is 100% where my gf needs to improve...Time and time again he gets out of his pusnishment/chores/responsibilities and my Bd doesn't. It causing alot of resentment and backing off isnt the direction I thinks this needs to go. All in all hes a good kid we do alot of man stuff together and have a good time.
I feel alot of it stems from is that his mom is just to soft, maybe i am to tough? Im not asking her to be a drill sargent. Any advice on how much i should get involved in this?
Your girlfriend needs to grow
Your girlfriend needs to grow a pair. It isn't fair to you that you are being consistent with the rules YOU BOTH agreed on, and she keeps caving. Because you are absolutely right, it will get worse if it continues to progress this way. As far as inviting his friends over, you can straight up tell them to get out, it's your house, not the son's. I don't think you're being too tough, boundaries have to be set, but again, it has to be consistent. And it will seem like it's getting worse before it gets better, but he has to know there are consequences, or you need to reconsider if this is what you want to continue to put yourself and your kids through.