I don't know what to do...
First let me give a little background on the situation:
My wife and I will be married for 5 years in January. I had been previously married (no kids) and my current wife has 3 sons (26, 22 and 13) from previous relationships. They moved into my house when we got married.
After some extremely rocky times the oldest one moved out to live with his GF in Georgia 2 years ago. This probably saved our marriage because if he hadn't I would have told her they all had to go. He and I still barely speak, and the last time he came to visit he never spoke to me the entire time he was in the house.
I have a so-so relationship with her middle son and a great relationship with the youngest. My wife does not allow me to have any say in how her older kids behave. I get told times are different, and that's just how they are. It has caused some of the worst arguments I've ever been in because I'm still expected to support and provide for them.
Now to the current situation.
I've been suspecting for some time that he's planning to move "home" and had asked my wife about it and she assured me that wasn't the case. I found out today that he is planning on moving back this fall and she's known about it for some time.
I'm at my wits end, I do not want a rude selfish ADULT living in my house. His behavior rubs off on the other two as well. The last time he lived here he expected my wife to wait on him and us to pay all his bills. We gave him a car to drive and he destroyed it and he and I almost got into a brawl when I told him he had to pay rent to live in my house.
I'm disappointed in my wife and her blatant dishonesty towards me as well as the utter lack of respect towards me. He has tried to live with his actual father and was told "no room for you", but she won't say no. I really would prefer not to get divorced a second time, but I know that she won't tell me until he just arrives.
Help? Advice? Anything?
How did you find out that he
How did you find out that he was coming back? Did you tell her you know?
I would tell her that you know and that there will rules and he will need to contribute. If she doesn't agree then unfortunately you will have to cross that bridge and make the decision whether or not to stay with her.
Sorry you are going through this.
Yeah, I couldn't live with
Yeah, I couldn't live with someone who was so rude, dishonest, and disrespectful towards me. I'm talking about your wife.
No adults. Not the 26 year
No adults. Not the 26 year old, not the 22 year old. Unless it is short term with an exit plan in place.
I would die on this hill. The day an adult child moved in would be the day I moved out. That's not to say I wouldn't be compassionate in case of disaster, but that would come with an agreed upon timeline and exit plan.
That your wife would not tell you about this says a whole lot about what she thinks of your marriage and partnership in life.
26 is pretty old to be coming
26 is pretty old to be coming back especially when there have been issues in the past. Been there and still dealing with it with a SS21 with different scenarios than you are dealing with. Luckily you don't have any children of your own which will help if it comes down to your leaving. Good luck with it.
Ugh.. I feel for you dude, I
Ugh.. I feel for you dude, I can't give you much in the way of advice other then it will not end well. My new spouse took in her 21 year old to our new place when he was down on his luck and he rode the couch for 2 weeks.. Thats when i had a talk with him, Told him what my father told me "I don't mind helping you out but you can't live here forever" I got lucky and he moved out the next week to his dads who tossed him after a month and now he's at grannies and she almost done with him, I'm standing my ground this time if he tries to come back... anyways good luck.
No is always a viable answer.
No is always a viable answer. So... tell her no to her eldest crotch dropping moving back in. She needs clarity that if she fails to comply with this that she is chosing to leave herself.
She has failed to hear the message from previous discussions on this topic. It is far easier to manage the drama if your eldest SS is not alowed back into YOUR home.
Gird your loins and stick to your guns.
Good luck.