Confession time--I'm a horrible person
DH and I have been married for 3 years, together for 10. We are empty nesters and have a solid relationship. I earn twice what he does and owned my house and a few fairly valuable antiques when he moved in. He signed a pre-nup; everything remains in my name.
His son has been a burr under my saddle since we met. Meanwhile my property has been increasing in value, and DH has been contributing a significant amount of labor to its upkeep. My kids are aware that I intend to donate the proceeds from the sale of all my property to charity when I die, but DH has started to make noise about how he'd like a piece of the action. I've given him some cash in the past and will give him more, but I refuse to put his name on anything that belongs to me. If this makes me a terrible person so be it. If DH survives me he's welcome to enjoy the property for as long as he can, but lately he has been making noises about how he'd like his rat headed kid to share in what he now considers partially his.
I disengaged from skid some time back due to his open hostility toward me, and now DH seems hurt and puzzled that I tune out when he brings up the young man, disappear whenever he comes around and generally am in the tenth or twelfth year of not warming to him. For now let me just say that it gives me the creeps to see this young fellow caressing my antique handcrafted solid cherry dining table and saying how **nice** it is. My own kids know better than to display such creepily obvious greed and seeing him doing this is enough to give me the screaming meemies.
I know I am horrible and I know I have to see a lawyer about this AGAIN to ensure my selfish wishes are honored. Just venting here and giving a shout-out to anyone else in a similar boat. You're not alone.
I will not leave a cent to my
I will not leave a cent to my skids.
If DH goes first, the funeral will be the last time I ever see them.
You're definitely not alone.
Confession: I let him leave their room so disgusting that bm would deny visitation if she knew, because it gives me hope.
Being a SM to animals makes us all horrible people in the end.
I would give your jewelry to
I would give your jewelry to your BFF and her DD now; and let your Skids and DH know that it has been given away; especially if you don't wear it anyway.
I did this with a large diamond ring I had from an Aunt. I gave it to my Niece and let my Skids and DH know that I did it. In fact, I gave it to my niece, in front of my DH, at a family dinner. It was Christmas time, and I wore it to their home, with intentions of giving it to my Niece and did so.
We've had several occasions when SD56 has made an obvious greedy move on me; so it will never happen again, and DH has been told that his DD has gotten everything she will ever get; no further discussion. If my SD56 comes on my property while I'm here, I will call Law Enforcement and she will be escorted off and I WILL press trespassing charges (DH has been warned).
Since you don't wear it and
Since you don't wear it and know who you want it to go to, have you thought of giving to them now instead of them getting it after you die?
My brothers MIL, who is only 70, just did that. She gave most of her valuable jewelry away to the people she wanted to have it. At first her daughter was concerned that something was wrong. Her Mom explained that she wanted to share in the joy of giving it to them and there are no courts or fights or taxes.
Awe, I'm happy/sad for you.
Awe, I'm happy/sad for you. Happy that you have wonderful memories, sad that you feel lonely.
The day will come and only you will know when you are ready.
Just don't let the old memories steal the new ones you could be making by giving the jewelry away to someone who will love and cherish it the way you do. One day they'll hold it and remember you giving it to them with love.
I understand; it was the same
I understand; it was the same for me for a few years. You will know when the time is right. Ignore the comments and stand your ground.
Lol. My skids are greedy
Lol. My skids are greedy little things, too. Their grandparents are wealthy, and they're forever talking about "which house" they want or "which car" will be theirs...
Right now, their dad's business is in a pretty significant slump. Trust me, it's annoying to be propping up their dad to help take care of them with my salary knowing they're all likely to be millionaires in their 30s. Of course, DH will inherit, too...so I'm going to make sure I get paid back for skid expenses plus interest from this past year+
Well, he doesn't have the
Well, he doesn't have the inheritance yet. His parents sometimes give us cash gifts to decrease their estate, but it's iffy. Some years they've done the full amount allowable by law, some years they've done about half of that...and some years nothing. So I never count on it. We have spent that money to take care of things while DH hasn't been earning, but, other than what we put into our retirement accounts from that money, it's gone now.
Maybe they'll gift us again this year and DH can pay me back for some of my contribution early. Who knows? But I do feel pretty secure that it will come back to me at some point...not to say it doesn't make me nervous, failing to fully fund my retirement during this time to support greedy skids...
SD56 says I am a bitch; so I
SD56 says I am a bitch; so I refuse to disappoint her. Lol....
to the original poster: I do
to the original poster: I do not think you are selfish, but my concern for you is you may be perceived as co-mingling assets. Did your prenup address DH's contribution to the home? He should be paying "rent" and/or towards the utilities, but do not let him "earn" sweat equity or equity in the form of paying the mortgage/taxes/insurance or for repairs.
It is maybe time to clarify all of this with him?
You may want to make sure your will and trust are ironclad.
I would flat out tell ss that nothing of yours is his.
You are not horrible at all.
You are not horrible at all. I own 3 pieces of real estate. My DH does lots of manual labor and even once in a rare while SS does something. But that does not give any of them ANY interest in my assets. DH gets to live here.
If DH outlives me he will be able to live in one of the properties. (smallest one) The rest of my assets are going to a charity. SS will get NOTHING.
Good Job. I will always
Good Job. I will always plead "broke with lots of bills".
I think you should matter of
I think you should matter of factly tell your DH's son that your valuables have been inventoried and will be disposed of upon your death. Bottom feeders like that need to be dealt with directly. Give him clarity.
I love this. I plan to make
I love this. I plan to make this little speech sometime when he's drooling over my things in front of his father.
You're not horrible at all. I
You're not horrible at all. I too own separate property from hubster (inherited) and we also signed a separate property agreement. I have a trust and the skids get nothing upon my death, but I did provide a little for the grandkids to be held in trust until age 25. Hubster has no will and I know that if he goes before me the skids will be like vultures on a carcass to get the house we live in, which is in my trust name. The only difference here is we have not told the skids anything about the inheritance because if they knew, they'd have their hands out.
No, you are not a horrible
No, you are not a horrible person. If your marriage does not work out for whatever reason, and that IS a possibility in second marriages, you will be thankful you protected yourself. If your DH ever brings up his misconception that he is partial owner of your property calmly inform him that he is not, and that you have no plans to leave anything to SS. There was one time when I was contemplating divorce. I went to an attorney who, as Sally wrote, told me that if DH tried to nail it to me financially, the court would take into consideration for what he would have had to pay for rent.
When DH and I married my house was almost paid off. I supported him for the first few years because he was paying for SD to go to college. One day I told him he had to start paying 1/2 of the household expenses and asked him to sign a quit claim deed. At first he went ballistic until I reminded him that he could leave and pay rent somewhere else which would have been a lot more. In a short time he decided it was better for him financially and agreed. There were times afterward, when he would complain about being a 'renter'. I answered, "Cheap rent." One time one of his sister-in-laws made a comment about SD getting everything if I died. I told her I would rather give it to charity , then made sure it did.
Five years ago we bought a house together. We both paid 1/2 but because he had helped to maintain my house I paid for all of the improvements to our new house. We signed a form during the closing of this house that in the event of death the house would go to the spouse. The majority of the equity from my house is designated to go to charity. You should NEVER leave money to someone you don't like.
Thanks so much, everyone. I
Thanks so much, everyone. I feel horrible and mean because DH is a good guy, and I am having to place what he perceives as some very hard and uncomfortable boundaries around his expectations. Some months back he actually FINALLY started backing me up in the face of his loathesome kid's hostility. But I have a short temper and a long memory. I still loathe skid, and while part of that is my baggage, objectively he is loathesome. My kids, while not loathesome to me, are not the greatest either--bad genes and a bad divorce--and I won't leave any of them so much as a toothpick because they'd blow every cent within 12 months. I'd rather have my money go somewhere it will do some good.
Sandye, your circumstances sound a lot like mine. DH doesn't pay even half our expenses, and sometimes sulks and complains about being "just a rent boy." That's fine. I keep receipts, and I like knowing my assets will go somewhere worthwhile when I no longer can enjoy them.
And let's be honest--having a rent boy is not entirely a bad thing.
I know I've posted this
I know I've posted this before, but I LOVE what my BFF did. Her SDIL asked her at Thanksgiving with all around the table what she was going to do with her jewelry (and she has a lot). She just stated in her most schoolteacher haughty voice "SuzyQ that will not be any of your concern."
Seriously my friend although she had no children has a younger sister and three nieces that she is close to. Plus she has made no secret of her utter disdain for her SDIL. And my friend was only about 50 when this happened. It's not like she was on her deathbed.