I have no clue as I refused to ever get involved with a man with minor children.

My SS was in his early 20s when I met him. He was homeless with no job, etc. But that was totally SS's problem. BM had washed her hands of him so why should I have stepped up to support the POS?

In my situation - no money to BM or SS.

I've been with DH for 4.5 years now...skids are 10 and 12. We don't give extra money directly to BM (except when school clothes shopping rolls around, but I plan to nix that this year), but we do pay for EVERYTHING the skids do or need, in addition to CS, 50/50 custody, insurance, phones, etc. Every sport, every activity, every "extra"...we pay for it. Because it's "for the kids".

I so wish I had known what I was getting into before I was into it.

My stepkids are 15&9 and if BM needs money=he asks what for.
Clothes? We buy them.
School Supplies? We buy

If it's something the kids need or want we'll gladly pay it. However we don't give BM the money.
It's always been this way=never been a problem.

My DH never gave BM one penny, other than CS, which he paid on time, every month from the time his daughter was 5 until she got married at 18.

When we first started dating I wanted to know exactly what I was getting involved with and he was honest. He was paying her cell, buying her groceries for her apartment (with new fiancé), giving her gas money and buying SSthen9months essentials like diapers, wipes, creams. He was letting her drive his extra car but had sense enough to get it back before she had the chance to destroy it. I told him he needed to stop giving her the life she left him for or they should just get back together but live apart. At first he said that he couldn't because his son would suffer and so I asked him, "have you ever known BM to go without? Has her family ever NOT bailed her out of her problems?" He listened and gave her a month to get her things in order before he cut it out. He extended her phone on an agreement with her that she'd pay for her half until she could switch it...200$ owed later he finally cut it off when she laughed at him for asking for it.

Other than floating them for their half of visitation airline tickets upon occassion we have never contributed a thing to the Sperm Clan financially or otherwise. Other than smacking them with clarity regarding their toxic crap and dragging them to court when they experienced a particularly strong attack of the stupids.

DH doesn't give BM any money. I think he used to before I came along for utilities because he didn't want the kids to go without but he wised up pretty quick.

There is one time I remember MSD and SS wanted to get their drivers license and they wanted DH to pay for it and he agreed (stupid) and BM drove them out to DH's work to get the money and then BM complained that she didn't have enough gas money to get back home and DH gave her some money and I was like that is BULLSHIT. That bitch is a user and a liar. She had money, she was just trying to see what she could get from DH.

DH did think about giving BM money last year, to help bail out OSD from jail. However BM told him it was $550 for bail money and then SS told DH, no it's just $500 and DH realized, Oh she's still a fucking liar, here she is trying to get an extra $50 from me. So technically the $500 wasn't for BM, it would have been for OSD but DH said no. Thank goodness.

My husband has never sent BM any extra money above and beyond what he owes for CS and expenses as outlined in the CO.

""adversely affect SD""

this is BM code for "if you don't give me more money than that to which I am entitled, I will tell skid that we can't do/buy/go to XYZ and it's all YOUR fault because you don't pay your child support"

These effin BMs...

BM always had her hand out. We have been together since the youngest was 7 and he will be 21 soon. First my husband was her handy man. After a while (years) of this he finally realized that maybe he was being taken advantage of. She always played the "our kids" card. The kitchen sink is clogged, can you come over and fix it because it is for "our kids". The pool pump is broken "our kids" need a pool to swim in. Our AC is broken..it is too hot for "our kids". In the meantime he was working two jobs because of all of the child support that he paid. One day she called him and asked to borrow $500.00 and told him that she had sold her house and would have the money to give him back in a few days. It was a lie. She never owned the house and left to go on vacation and never ever paid him back. This may have been when he finally wised up.
She continues to play the "our kids" card but he now gives the money directly to them.
I guess that I would say to you to tell him that if he wants to help SD and she NEEDS something to pay direct for that but not to give the money to BM. She will find another way to get it trust me.
My husband made it way to easy for BM and the skids and the hand was always out.

per our divorce agreement, my ex pays the second mortgage on my house (he gets half the equity when I sell minus any home improvements I add) and child support. I do not ask him for any extra money and I am paying for our time share until I can sell it (probably never). I have struggled at times because he asked for a divorce right after I resigned from my job with his blessing to start a new company. We have an adult disabled son, and I wanted something with more flexibility so we could care for him better (adult day cares are few and far between). We also have a 7 year old son. I have never asked my ex for more money for groceries or anything.

Anytime our BM even HINTED at wanting more money, my DH would say that we should take the skids because we could afford to take care of them since we BOTH work FT jobs! She didn't work most of the time and when she did, it was PT.