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Are step parents allowed to smack a child as a form of disipline?

Hired help's picture

Submitted by Hired help on Tue, 04/26/2016 - 11:57am

Forums: 
Blended Family Issues

I understand this is a difficult subject but has anyone ever smacked their step child as a form of discipline?

As I understand, although other behaviour techniques are encouraged, a parent has the right to smack their own child, as long as it is deemed "reasonable discipline" i.e isn't with a belt etc and doesn't leave a mark. I also understand that they can give permission to a carer i.e nanny or grandparent. So if you have a 50/50 care agreement and the parent you (the step parent) live with (even if you are not married) gives you permission to discipline their child in this way if deemed necessary can the child's other parent legally do anything about it (with no court order in place) if the step parent smacks their child?

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Tue, 04/26/2016 - 12:06pm

I called the local movie theater. 100 pounds of freshly popped ready, set GO!!

Tuff Noogies's picture

Submitted by Tuff Noogies on Tue, 04/26/2016 - 12:10pm

i'm in Smile i'll bring my own bag of smartfood white cheddar popcorn. cuz, yanno, cheese.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Tue, 04/26/2016 - 12:03pm

I popped a HUGE bowl, but I think we'll need to get the popper from the local movie theater for this one... }:)

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

Submitted by NoWireCoatHanga... on Tue, 04/26/2016 - 12:50pm

My grandmother would get me with a flyswatter. To this day I do not like to look upon a fly swatter. I don't hit my children.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Tue, 04/26/2016 - 12:39pm

In my fantasy world, MIL stands in front of Potato, says, "I said NOW!" and FARTS in Potato's open mouth. Potato runs to bedroom to comply.

Tuff Noogies's picture

Submitted by Tuff Noogies on Tue, 04/26/2016 - 12:39pm

claro! hey wait, i can write off my misspelling as an Ode to Kaos Blum 3

y pasame la cerveza, nena!!!

Snowflake's picture

Submitted by Snowflake on Tue, 04/26/2016 - 12:10pm

What happens when you discipline a child who is not your bio child? You get charged with assault of a minor and you get dealt with legal consequences.
Period.

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Tue, 04/26/2016 - 2:19pm

Or the other parent comes and kicks your ass for slapping his/her child. At least that's the way it would play out in my neck of the woods.LOL

If you slap someone's kid, you better be ready to fight

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Tue, 04/26/2016 - 1:36pm

Good - because I swear to DOG that I am going to beat the shit out of ASS just once before he takes off for parts unknown.

Good to know I will have an alibi Smile

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Tue, 04/26/2016 - 1:35pm

Ah, the stepmonster hair cut! I cut my exSS's hair after my exH absolutely BEGGED me to do it. Hell, the kid had GUM in his hair. It was so cute - he looked like an adorable elf. But the BM has a MAJOR freaking hissy fit. She wanted the kid's hair down to his butt. Told my exH that next time he wanted the kid's hair cut he had to take him to a hair salon.

Salems Lot's picture

Submitted by Salems Lot on Tue, 04/26/2016 - 1:54pm

A couple of years ago, YSD asked me to cut her hair.

YSD: Salems Lot, can you cut my hair, I want bangs?

Me: NO

YSD: But mom told me to ask you because she doesn't have the time

Me: NO

20YearsAsAStep-Mom's picture

Submitted by 20YearsAsAStep-Mom on Tue, 04/26/2016 - 1:33pm

No - not OK. Do not "smack" a child who is not yours - for that matter - DON'T SMACK ANY CHILD! Go to parenting classes and learn how to deal with this.

twoviewpoints's picture

Submitted by twoviewpoints on Tue, 04/26/2016 - 2:07pm

Didn't read comments.

"So if you have a 50/50 care agreement and the parent you (the step parent) live with (even if you are not married) gives you permission to discipline their child in this way if deemed necessary..."

I stopped reading at this point.

"if deemed necessary" ? Really? So smacking a kid is "deemed necessary " in OP'S viewpoint as compared to what? Do you have different forms of physical punishment for different offenses and this particular offense was the 'smack the kid' ?

twoviewpoints's picture

Submitted by twoviewpoints on Tue, 04/26/2016 - 3:10pm

It's not so much being "up high on that pedestal" as it is what the OP actually asked.

Member for four days. First post. No background. Child's age unknown. Definition of her idea of a smack vs yours or mine blah blah.

I'm not going to tell some anonymous stranger (who could be crazed hothead) on the internet that its perfectly ok and legal to smack their skid. Does she mean smack kids mouth? Smack a 3yr old off kids' feet?

Better safe than sorry. If the OP really wants factual legal advice on appropriate stepparent/stepchild discipline I'm going to assume she's not going to seek it on a stepparent venting site.

In the meantime I'm not going to advise her to just 'smack a kid' whenever and however she deems it necessary. *shrugs*

Salems Lot's picture

Submitted by Salems Lot on Tue, 04/26/2016 - 3:55pm

I was spanked as a child... never suffered any ill effects as far as I know. My kids had a slap on the butt a couple of times when they were young. They are all in their late 20's and turned out fine.
I have never hit another persons child. Not my place to do so. Believe me, there were days when I felt like it.
Things have changed since my kids were small and a person can now be charged with assault for hitting a child where I live.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Tue, 04/26/2016 - 3:32pm

It is legal for anyone acting en loco parentis to apply corporal punishment as a disciplinary measure for a child as long as it does not escalate to abuse in every US state .... except in Delaware. Fortunately DE is a small state and a parent who needs to apply some impact behavioral therapy to their s/kid's buttocks only has to drive a short while to cross a state line and light up some kid butt.

Check your state here....

http://kidjacked.com/legal/spanking_law.asp

That said... be very careful. Just because it is legal does not prevent some bottom 10%er of the legal profession idiot judge from refusing to recognize the law. It also does not prevent some moron CPS social servant from causing you a major PITA because they think they know better than you how to parent in your home and family. If corporal punishment caused any residual ill effects other than teaching kids the cause and effect relationship regarding their chosen behaviors we would have had generations of an entire population of adult violent defiant criminals before the 2-3 decades of idiot pseudo science college grads who couldnt study anything more cerebral came along. When trips to the woodshed for a talk with the razor strop were a prominent disciplinary occurance we did not have the child behavioral issues we have had since the pseudo science morons showed up on the scene.

I for one have behavioral standards in my home and kids who consistently don't comply may find themselves with stinging cherry red butt cheeks from a meeting with a hand, paddle, or belt... depending on their age. Including Skids. I couldn't give a flying rat's ass what the opposition branch of their family says, thinks, or feels about it.

As for popcorn... I like mine lightly buttered with a liberal application of Old Bay seasoning.

Good luck.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Sat, 04/30/2016 - 3:59pm

A Sparent definately acts in loco parentis. In loco parentis allows for a non-biological parent to be given the legal rights and responsibilities of a biological parent if they have held themselves out as the parent. The relevant element of the position of step parent is not step... it is parent.

To avoid "vast simplification" as you call it I provided a link to the elements of the laws of each of the 50 states regarding corporal punishment and I also recommended that the OP contact her attorney.

No fudging of the rules. I just make sure I know them and use them to my advantage. I also make sure I have the best attorney to drive my desired outcomes and bring as much consequence upon the opposition as required to pummel them into submission if they fail to remain reasonable.

I have the comfort of my convictions that my son's best interests and the best interests of my family drive what I push for. I do what is necessary within the bounds of the law to protect my family. It has worked extremely well for us and I am confident it will work just as well for others.

It is not my responsibility to feed the opposition knowledge. If they refuse to obtain it for themselves then that is better for me. The rules include corporal punishment being legal in 49 of 50 states. Rather than misdirect the OP who was asking about "smacking" her Skid I gave her a reference where she could find some information for herself. I am not a proponent of "Smacking" I am a proponent of traditional spanking. Though I am a proponent of corporal punishment for some child disciplinary situations I have no agenda either way. Spank... or not... that is the choice of the parents. My litmus test is child behavior. When a toxic crotch nugget is running amok in public I want to smack that child's idiot parents after I turn that kid over my knee. Since I am not in a position of en loco parentis over that child I limit my actions to snapping at the ill behaved little shit and asking the proprietor/manager of the establishment I am in to remove the toxic spawn from my presence. If the abject failures of parenting (mommy or daddy) take exception to my dealing with the issue of their toxic crotch nugget I deal with that just as directly and firmly by pointing out their parental failure. If it escalates from there, that is their choice. I will deal with it directly at every stage of the issue just as I have during the 21+ years of our blended family adventure.

How is that fudging the rules? Please splain me that.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Tue, 04/26/2016 - 4:33pm

This is exactly what concealed weapons permits are for. Teachers getting jumped for disciplining kids in their classrooms for inappropriate behavior????? .... When the idiot breeder tries that crap in the parking lot .... double tap, center mass, end that idiot breeder parent's breeding activities for ever and ..... good riddance. Even better if you can take out an entire breeding generation of an idiot family who storms a classroom.

If the parent was worth a crap as a parent their kid would not be illbehaved in class.

There was a time when a kid got paddled at school they were taken on a trip to the woodshed for a meeting between their butt cheeks and the razor strop when they got home. Now if the sparkly little crotch nuggets get a red mark on a paper or told to sit the the corner the parent storms the classroom and gets in the teacher's face.

Again, double tap, center mass, and protect the human genome from any more degredation from that idiot breeder.

Grrrrrrrr!!!!!

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Sat, 04/30/2016 - 4:19pm

Who said anything about slapping a child around? Spanking a child that you are a parent to or in a position of loco parentis over is not "slapping a child around". If the opposition element of that child's family is tolerant of their spawn being ill behaved and the other side or a person of authority is not... then the idiot side can suck it up or learn the consequences of their actions just as the toxic spawn will learn from a good butt whoopin.

I have yet to experience anyone who did not back down when they bowed up on me or my family when confronted with the facts of the consequences of their actions.

Overwhelming force (whether financial, legal, or physical) tends to calm idiots down, even violent ones. I make sure that I am always in the right including on the right side of the issue, the law, and the situation.

Your advice of keeping one's hands to themselves includes the reactive low IQ idiots who would invade a classroom to assault a teacher who had disciplined one of their own students. That is where the CWP comes in to play. There are ways of dealing with these kinds of idiots that end the problem permanently in course of self defense. Hopefully before they have done too much harm to the human gene pool.

thinkthrice's picture

Submitted by thinkthrice on Tue, 04/26/2016 - 5:25pm

Dup

Last In Line's picture

Submitted by Last In Line on Tue, 04/26/2016 - 7:35pm

Well, when I was growing up, folks always said kids should be beaten regular to prevent them from being ornery. I'm sure that applies to skids as well.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Wed, 04/27/2016 - 7:50am

Can the skid hit you back with a ping-pong paddle or a baseball bat? Then yes, by all means, smack the skid. Put on a helmet first to protect your skull and teeth.